Love me in the Shadows of Our Memories (🇬🇧)

Chapter 5 - Echoes of memories

As autumn leaves gently descend,

they turn into soft dust,

just as loved ones depart this world.

A year begins, a year goes by,

and before long,

all that's left are cherished memories.

Alec - present

"Hello, buddy," Alec greeted his younger brother, settling onto the plush grass. "How are you today?"

Silence met him.

"I went out alone today," he continued, seeking to fill the pervasive quiet that filled this place.

"I know." Alec raised his hands in a gesture of apology. "It's risky and reckless, but I... I needed this alone time today. I needed to clear my mind."

Alec picked up a small stone from the grass, turning it in his hands.

"Why, you ask?" He sighed softly. "I dreamt of Magnus again. I don't know why. I... I can't let him go," he confessed in frustration.

Alec clenched his jaw, suppressing a sigh. It wasn't just sadness that consumed him these days; anger coiled inside, forming a dense knot that seemed to suffocate his insides. He was angry with himself, infuriated that these recurring dreams still had power over him. It maddened him that Magnus remained lingering in his thoughts, contorting his emotions, even after all these years. He felt powerless to switch it off.

"Have I mentioned these dreams to John?" Alec asked, shaking his head. "No, I haven't. I'm afraid of hurting him."

God, he felt so pathetic. He'd moved on to a new relationship years ago, yet these old feelings for Magnus lingered. He didn't want this, couldn't allow it. Alec felt ashamed that he sometimes enjoyed those dreams, so vivid they made him almost expect to wake up with Magnus next to him, not John. It felt like he was betraying John with these dreams of his former lover.

Fuck. Alec threw the rock high into the air. He'd come here to escape his guilt momentarily, but today, it wouldn't leave him be. Alec surveyed the cemetery, which was protected by one of the three glass domes that were now blanketed in white snow. This place was usually deserted, as the people in the settlement tended to avoid the deceased and preferred to focus on the living. Death was omnipresent, after all.

Alec often sought solace in his visits to his brother's grave at the cemetery. During these moments, Alec unburdened himself, sharing thoughts he couldn't confide in his family or partner. He found comfort in the silent presence of Max, even though he would never receive a response from him again. A soft, joyless laugh escaped Alec as he contemplated this. Max remained forever silenced. Alec leaned forward, gently tracing a finger over the inscription on the tombstone.

It read, Maxwell Joseph Lightwood: Born August 14, 2013, Died May 07, 2028. Beloved son, beloved brother. You live on in our hearts.

Max's life was tragically cut short, leaving a void that could never be filled. He died a few months before his fifteenth birthday, lost to the Black Death.

"Fuck," Alec cursed softly, the memories of that day still vivid. He wiped tears from his lashes with frantic movements, still not over his brother's death after all these years. The pain and guilt remained as fresh as day one.

"I'm sorry I failed, that I couldn't protect you back then," he choked out, apologizing to Max as he had countless times, and it wouldn't be the last. He knew he'd bear that guilt until his own end.