Love me in the Shadows of Our Memories (🇬🇧)

Chapter 19 - A Path out of Darkness

There are times that appear as dark as the night.

But know this, somewhere there always shines a light,

Even if it's just a single spark.

It guides you out of the darkness and back into the light.

Alec

Although the mission was already a week behind him, Alec returned to Montreal every night in his dreams. No matter what he tried, no matter how much he exhausted himself with exercise before going to bed, he found himself back there in his dreams.

Magnus had saved his life, putting his own at risk in the process. Even though the omega had only suffered minor injuries, it was hard for Alec to process the fact that once again he'd had to inject Magnus with the antidote. Once again, he had to endure that moment of not knowing whether Magnus would survive or not, and it weighed on him. To see Magnus unconscious on the floor. Not knowing if he was fast enough and had injected the remedy in time. Not knowing if it had actually worked.

Alec wiped his face with the towel to remove traces of toothpaste. How could he rid himself of these images? How could he return to the state he was in before the mission? He didn't know. The incident had changed something in him and brought up things from the past that he had tried to forget. Feelings. Memories. Desires and longings. With each passing day, it became harder for Alec to ignore them. The most frightening thing of all was that, deep down, he no longer wanted to ignore those emotions—the strong feelings he still harboured for Magnus.

A frustrated and helpless sound escaped Alec as he hung the towel back in its place. What should he do now? Torn between his feelings, he left the bathroom and was surprised to find John awake.

"Did I wake you?" he asked his husband with an apologetic smile. John shook his head, raised his hands in the air, and stretched.

"I couldn't sleep anymore," he replied, then asked, "What about you? Why are you up so early?"

"Dreams pulled me out of sleep," Alec confessed honestly, shrugging. John tilted his head.

"What were they about?"

"Montreal," Alec answered shortly.

"Do you want to talk about it?" John inquired.

Alec lowered his gaze and shook his head.

"No, I don't think so."

John gave him a sympathetic look.

"If you change your mind, come to me."

Alec smiled and nodded. He reached for his comfiest sweater and put it on.

"Where are you going?" John asked.

"I wanted to pay Max a visit."

"Should I come with you?"

Alec shook his head.

"Honestly, I'd rather be alone right now," Alec confessed.

"Okay," John replied, giving him an understanding smile. A yawn parted his lips just then. "Maybe I'll catch another nap."

"Do that," Alec replied. "See you later at breakfast."

He gave John a quick kiss and then headed to the cemetery. A yawn escaped his lips as he left the room and shuffled down the hallway to the elevator.

"Alec, good thing I found you so quickly," someone said as soon as he stepped out of the elevator again.

Tessa was walking toward him. She was only wearing pajamas and a robe. That couldn't mean anything good, and immediately any tiredness disappeared.