Love me in the Shadows of Our Memories (🇬🇧)

Chapter 16 - In the Shadow of Colours

Life is not just black and white.

Life is colourful, like a rainbow.

The sun is a part of it. Just like the rain.

You need both for the bow of colours to appear.

Alec

"Are you still having those dreams about Magnus?" Maia asked into the silence that filled the Ops at the late—or rather, very early—hour. Alec shifted his gaze away from the screens, which hadn't changed for a few hours, and shook his head.

"Not since Magnus returned."

"Why do you think that is?" she asked, tapping the end of the pen she held against her lower lip.

Alec shrugged, suppressing a yawn. He had three more hours to endure before he could finish his night shift.

"I don't know. But I'm glad they stopped."

Maia made an affirmative sound.

"And how do you feel about Magnus being back?"

Alec leaned back in his chair, arms crossed over his chest.

"I'm relieved that he's okay."

Maia pursed her lips, and Alec sensed that his answer hadn't pleased her.

"What?" he asked, with a sideways glance.

"That's not a proper answer."

Alec rolled his eyes.

"What else do you want me to say, Maia?"

Maia turned her chair toward him, mirroring his posture.

"Alec, it's obvious that Magnus still means something to you."

Alec returned his attention to the monitors in front of him.

"Of course he does," he replied after a moment's hesitation.

Maia snorted.

"As a friend," he added.

"So, you're just ignoring your feelings?"

Alec turned his head back to her and narrowed his eyes.

"What? No. What makes you think that?"

"Alec, you feel more than just friendship for him."

"And how do you figure that?"

Maia made a sound that sounded very much like a frustrated sigh.

"Magnus and I are just friends now. Nothing more," Alec emphasized.

"I think you're not aware of how often you've talked about Magnus in the last few years," Maia said, leaning forward to tap the pen against his chest. "You still have feelings for him."

Alec rolled his chair back a bit to escape the pen. Maia's words loosened the threads that had kept the hole closed that Magnus had left in his heart all those years ago. Guilt surged within him—guilt he had been trying to push away over these last few weeks, months, or rather, years.

More than once he had accused himself of not searching longer for Magnus. Would he have found him then? Had he given up too early? Those were questions he had asked himself a hundred times or more. He knew there was no real answer to them. Alec closed his eyes for a moment, grappling with the weight of his emotions as memories of a conversation with his mother surfaced within him.

"Alec, it's okay to let go," his mother said.

Alec whirled around to face her.

"No! He's out there. Somewhere. I can't and won't give up. I will find him."