Love me in the Shadows of Our Memories (🇬🇧)

Chatper 8 - A life between memories and visions of the future

Memories show us that nothing lasts forever.

One can bask in happiness today,

And tomorrow, be in pieces.

Moments are precious.

Enjoy them while you can.

Alec - present

Alec stared into the void, his eyes fixed on nothing, as a tempest of emotions and thoughts raged within him. The news that Magnus was alive and returning to New York had genuinely thrown him off balance. How could he possibly respond to this news? How should he handle it? He didn't have any answers; they eluded his grasp.

A chaotic mix of old and new questions swirled in his mind, disjointed and overwhelming, intensifying his confusion. What did Magnus look like now? Where had he been all these years, and what had he done during his extended absence? Why had he concealed his true second gender from Alec? Why had he severed all connections, even with Tessa and Jem, who had played parental roles in his life? Why had he chosen this exact moment to return to New York? Why? Why? Why?

With a pained exhalation, Alec buried his face in his hands. He should be happy about Magnus's well-being and should be celebrating it, and he was. However, at this moment, other emotions overwhelmed him. A deep sadness had taken root in his heart, fueled by the lost future of happiness with Magnus, of building a family, and growing old together. He had mourned that loss, come to terms with it, and started a new life with John. The chapter involving Magnus had closed for him, except for those vivid dreams. Yet now, the book of his past was being reopened, and new chapters would be written. Alec was afraid of reading them.

An old anger resurfaced within him-an anger that he had suppressed for so long. It sliced through his thoughts like a keen-edged blade, piercing down to his heart. He was angry that Magnus had vanished without a trace. He was angry that he had never been given the chance to make everything right, to apologize for his grievous mistake. He was mad at himself, for losing control over his alpha. Yes, he despised himself for it, feeling consumed by guilt. Even now, he couldn't fathom an explanation. It had never happened before, and it had never recurred afterwards. Instead of finding answers, he had been left with the remnants of a shattered relationship and a hole in his heart, shaped like the omega he had loved, along with the bitter regret of hurting Magnus. A solitary tear traced a path down his cheek as he recollected the days and weeks he had spent searching for Magnus.

"Fuck," Alec muttered, running his hands across his face in frustration. "Fuck. Fuck. Fuck."

A relentless stream of memories inundated him, and none of these recollections provided the answers he desperately sought. Instead, they stirred a wish within him that he had never received Luke's message, that Magnus hadn't decided to return to New York. Just when he had finally put the last chapter of their shared past to rest, both literally and figuratively, Magnus' return threw his entire life into disarray.

Alec despised himself for these thoughts. This wasn't who he was. So selfish. So cruel and bitter. But he had the right to feel this way, right? Or was it wrong? He didn't know.

Yesterday, his life had been following a predictable path. Yesterday, he knew what lay ahead and what his future would look like. Today, he was no longer sure, and in two days, everything would change, especially if those two children were indeed his. Oh God, the mere idea that he might have been a father all along hit him hard and took him completely by surprise. Fuck.

Alec took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, trying to regain control over the emotional tempest within him. He needed to formulate a plan. He had to find a way to deal with the situation.