Polarize- a joshler fanfic

Blurryfaces awakening.

Josh's p.o.v
I woke up terrified. I forgot what was going on. My hand was interlocked with Tyler's and Tyler was staring at me dead in the eye.
"I thought you'd never wake up." Tyler joked and I relaxed
"Your awake." I said happily. I got up and kissed his forehead and then Tyler grabbed me and kissed my lips. His lips were soft as always. I looked at the clock and it said 4:37 pm. I had slept most of last night and a whole day in this uncomfortable chair. It's because I was holding on to Tyler.
"Okay the doctor said that you get to leave in-" Tyler cut me off
"I know. I've been awake for about two hours. The doctor told me everything. I am one lucky guy for staying alive he said. I honestly think because I was fighting so hard for you." Tyler said as he blushed and let out a small giggle.
I took his hand again and we interlocked fingers. I was so happy he was alive and he sounded even better. Then I realized what I was thinking about all night last night. Who tried to kill my boyfriend.
"Tyler?" I said as I looked at him. He was drinking a smoothie and taking his pills.
"Yes?" He said as he gulped down the pills.
"Do you know who shot you?"
Tyler went silent. He dropped his glass on the floor and started crying.
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Tyler's p.o.v
Of course I knew who shot me. I just didn't want to say who it was. I started crying so hard that my eyes started to blur and I really wanted to hurt myself. I felt like I needed to feel my own pain.
Josh came into my hospital bed and started brushing through my hair, trying to calm me down. Blurryface was coming back. It's weird how my mood had changed to really happy to super depressed in about five minutes.
"Tyler will you please tell me."
I finally got enough words to come out of my mouth.
"My dad."
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I couldn't stop crying. Josh had been holding me for about and hour and a half and he finally got up.
"Where are you going?" I said in between sobs.
"To tell the police to arrest that mother fucker."
Josh got his coat on. And kissed my forehead. I really didn't mind that he was doing this. I love him so much.
"Before I go will you please tell me why he left you and why you think he shot you?"
My voice was calm now. I was no longer sad but filled with disgust and hate for my father.
"Well every since I was as young as four I remember him hitting my mother and I. I finally stood up for myself when I was about 11. I was in sixth grade I believe. I shouldn't have done it. When my father when to hit me I had put a few mousetraps down. He stepped on them and got very angry. He grabbed me and whipped my back with his belt. I couldn't stop crying and my mother tried to call the police but he disconnected all of the phones. When my mom tried to do something he grabbed his gun. When I saw him grab it, I got up and stabbed him in the leg with a knife from the counter. He fell down and I grabbed my mom and ran out of the house. We took a train all the way to California because we wanted to stay as far away from him as possible. We stayed with my aunt for about a year when finally he got arrested. He swore he would get us back and I guess he did. I don't know how he broke out of jail to be honest with you. But I just hope he stays there this time."
I was crying again and this time even harder. I was also shaking. I felt Josh shake too. Josh held me close to his chest and I could feel his heart beat. That's all I needed to keep myself together was Josh.
"I'm never going to let him touch you again. Im glad you stabbed him in the leg. Good job standing up for yourself, that's my baby. That stupid asshole is going to get it." I smiled at him and Josh just kissed me.
"I'm going to find him. Right now. Drink your smoothie. Here's the remote for the TV and your cell phone if you want to call me." Josh seemed very determined to catch my dad. It made me feel good. He looked sexy when he looked angry and determined. Why am I thinking about his looks at this moment? Oh well. He kissed me again and went out the door. Josh made me feel better when he said he was going to arrest my dad but then I started thinking about all my past issues with my father and how he would whip me and beat me until i was unconscious. It made my stomach turn at that. I was deathly afraid of him. He was part of my Blurryface. Then I could not stop thinking about it.
"Maybe I deserved being shot. Or hit or beat." I said to myself in anger.
"Am I really that fucked up that i deserve to be shot?" I questioned myself. Now unsure if I deserved Josh or even my wonderful mother.
My mom had left right when Josh woke up. I told her what happened and she was very comforting but she had to go to work.
"I've been thinking too much, help me." I started to sing. This song made me emotional so my singing made me start to cry again. Blurryface was inescapable. He was going to find me sooner or later. I got out of the hospital bed and walked into the bathroom. I punched the mirror and broke it. Glass fell into the sink. I found a nice size shard and held it in my hand.
"I deserve this."
"Yes you do." A voice said
Memories started piling in my brain.
A smack, a belt, a heartbreak, a death.
I grabbed the shard and engraved the words GONER into my arm. It wasn't deep enough to where I would die. I didn't want to die just yet. I wanted to see my father and I wanted to hit him. I wanted to stay with Josh forever. I just needed to feel this pain.
"More" said the voice but I didn't listen I threw the bloody shard on the ground and washed my arm off. It was still engraved but not bloody. I put on my jacket and laid in bed.
"I don't deserve to die. But I do deserve pain." I said to myself quietly.
I could feel Blurryface in my head. I had a migraine again. I am so pathetic. I started to sing again. This song and most of my songs are about Blurryface. I needed to sing.
"Scared of my own image,
Scared of my own immaturity,
Scared of my own ceiling,
Scared I'll die of uncertainty,
Fear might be the death of me,
Fear leads to anxiety.
Don't know what's inside of me."
But I did know what was inside of me, it was Blurryface.