Let Her Go

4. Im Sorry

8:00am, 5th January 2013 - London

Harry sat up out of bed turning off the alarm clock. He sat on the edge of the bed in his boxers, ruffling his hair with a tired look on his face. He looked over his shoulder to see Taylor sleeping elegantly with her back to him. Her long blonde curls across both pillows Trying not to disturb her, he walked into the bathroom closing the door. As the door clicked into the lock, Taylor's eyes fluttered open. She listened as water started to rush from the shower, her head resting on the pillow.

Today was Harry's first day back at work after the miscarriage. He'd been given time off to help himself and Taylor heal after what happened, but he knew he was no where near ready to go back to the bleak office where everyone would want to know what went on.

Since that night Taylor had not been herself, and it killed Harry to see her like this and not being able to do anything to help. He would often come back to their apartment after being shopping to find her sat on the floor crying, almost everytime he'd end up in tears to. New Year's Eve was supposed to be a special night for them every year as it was the night they met, but this year, they sat in their apartment in complete silence, listening to fireworks outside and the neighbours enjoying their parties. She had become distant over the past few days, and all Harry wanted to do was hold her in his arms and tell her everything would be ok, but every time he seemed to go near her now, she'd either push him away or try and completely avoid him all together.

Harry stood in the shower, his wet hair falling over his face as he hung his head, one arm rested on the wall. Every morning he would try and contemplate a new way to bring Taylor back to her old self, but everything he tried never worked.

He stepped out the shower, rubbing his messy hair with the towel before wrapping it around his waist and walking out into the bedroom. To his surprise, Taylor was up and laying out a suit for him on the bed. He stood watching her, his back up against the bathroom door, scared to say the first word.

"Morning" she said, not looking at him. Taylor knew that her sadness had been rubbing off on Harry, but didn't want that today as he was back in work.

"Hey" he said quietly. He opened the drawer next to the bed, dropped his towel and put on a pair of boxers before walking over to her. She closed the wardrobe once a shirt trousers and tie was lying on the bed for him.

"These colours look best on you, I want you to look your best today" she managed a small smile, which also made Harry smile. God how he missed that smile of hers, it was the first time he'd seen it in days. She'd laid out a pair of charcoal grey suit pants, with a white shirt and silvery/blue tie for him. She stood there looking at him, which encouraged Harry to walk over to her. He took her face in his hands, his stomach flipping as he touched her. He had not been able to lay a finger on her recently. "I love you Taylor" he whispered, resting his forehead against hers.

"I love you too" she replied. He planted a tender kiss on her lips. A small spark had just been lit inside him, the spark that had burned out after they lost their baby.

................................................................

Harry had an awful day at the office. As soon as he arrived people were acting strange around him. As he strolled towards his office, people suddenly went silent, looking at him with sincere looks on their faces. He felt uneasy, keeping his head down trying to avoid any confrontations. Lots of people wanted to approach him as he hurried through the office, it had obviously gotten around as to why he'd been absent over the past few weeks.

So focused on reaching his office he nearly barged head first into his boss.

"Sir, oh my gosh I'm sorry" Harry said in a panicked tone, his cheeks starting to flush.

"Don't worry Harry, listen, I'm so sorry to hear about..." Harry could sense Mr Bowman didn't know what to say. Sorry about your baby? Your loss? He could see the cogs turning in his head.

"It's okay, sir, thank you" Harry cut him off. "Excuse me" he gently pushed past Mr Bowman, luckily his office only being a few steps away. As soon as Harry sat down in his chair, he cried into the palms of his hands. Today was going to be a long day for him.

Harry arrived home to an desolate apartment. When he creaked open the door, the room was dark and silent. He snuck inside, gently closing the door behind him. He tiptoed over to the couch, placing his brief case and jacket down gently. Maybe Taylor was asleep already, even though it was only 6:15pm. He cleared his throat slightly.

"Tay?" He gently spoke. His voice echoing through the apartment. There was no reply. He decided to check the bedroom. As he edged towards their bedroom door, he noticed it was open slightly, the light from the bedside lamp streaming trough the gap in the door. He slowly opened the door to see Taylor sitting on the edge of the bed. He took a sigh of relief upon seeing her.

"Taylor?"

She didn't move. He shuffled quietly into the bedroom, making his way around the bed slowly. He sat next to her and placed his arm around the small of her back. She looked exhausted. Dark circles forming under her eyes, streaks of dried tears down her face. He looked down to see her holding the scan picture of their baby. He didn't know what to say, but Taylor beat him to it.

"I'm sorry Harry" she didn't take her eyes off the picture, Harry turning his head towards her, shock forming in his emerald eyes.

"What for?" He placed his other hand on her lap.

"I failed you, I couldn't give you the baby you desperately wanted, I'm sorry" Harry shook his head, his eyes starting to water.

"No, don't you apologise, you did nothing wrong, it was completely out of your control, there was nothing you could do" he said, his voice shaking after every word.

"Why can't i do the one thing a woman is supposed to do" she turned to face him. He took the back of her neck in his hand and gently pulled her head so it rested against his.

"As long as we have eachother"

She pulled away from him, standing up throwing the scan picture down on the bed, Harry's eyes glued to her.

"That's the thing, Harry" she crossed her arms, walking up and down the bedroom. "Everytime I see your face, it just kills me, it reminds me of all the pain" Harry's heart sank. He stood up in front of her, holding her below the shoulders.

"You're only feeling this way because it's still so new to us both, we're not over it yet.." She looked into his eyes, she could sense the concern in them, his face shocked at what she'd just said. Harry didn't like where this was going. The light from Taylor's eyes had vanished. She was no longer the pink cheeked, glowing girl he'd met at that party. She looked ghostly white and drained, the hair that was falling out her messy bun stuck to the side of her face where her tears had been. He didn't know how much more he could take of her being like this. He needed the woman he loved back.

She shrugged Harry's arms away from her. "I think I just need some time alone right now, iv been alone all day and I felt...better" Taylor's words were a blow to Harry. After all he'd tried to make her feel better, turns out she was happier when he wasn't there. He didn't show his frustration or upset, he simply took a deep breath and headed towards the bedroom door.

"Okay, if you feel that way, I'll leave you alone for the time being.." He thundered down the hallway towards the front door, loosening the tie from around his neck, tossing it onto the sofa before grabbing his wallet, phone and keys. Before he unlocked the door, he noticed Taylor had followed him.

"Harry, wait" he paused, holding back the urge to burst into tears. "It's best if we just take a small amount of time to figure this out" he looked down at the floor frowning before looking back up at her with narrowed eyes.

"Okay taylor, I'll leave you alone, but just remember, that was my baby too"

He slammed the door behind him, as he strode towards the exit of the building.