The Return To Love

Chapter Twelve

      The rest of the drive to the restaurant was quiet. Sanem stole a few glances Cans way as they drove along, but she knew he was processing what she had just told him. 

      They arrived at the pier, one the their favorite places. Can was still mulling over what she had told him, trying to come to terms with it...

      " Can, I know you must have questions....and I don't want you to hold back. I even have questions about the women you spent time with, especially the woman in Switzerland. How serious were you about her... did you fall in love with her?" She asked, a little agitated at his silence.

       Can was slow to answer, taking a long, deep breath. " I'm not sure what to say Sanem. I never wanted to hear about you and another man, or the fact you wanted to fall in love with him. But I know that was pretty foolish of me to think you wouldn't have other men in your life." He admitted, as he gazed out at the pier.

       " I know you have questions about the women I was with. There were only a couple of women, but  I didn't have a serious relationship with any of them. Even Nora was just someone to pass the time with." He revealed to her. 

      Sanem could see he was struggling, " Nora, is that the woman from Switzerland?  What did you feel for her...if you say there wasn't a relationship, then what was it.." She asked, but she didn't know if she wanted the answer or not...

       Can turned to look at her, " Hmm, I enjoyed her company. I was working there, she was one of the models.... she was someone to go out with, to have dinner with.. It was nothing that serious." 

       " And....were you intimate with her? Sanem asked, the words made her stomach churn and her heart race...but she had to know what his life had been like.

      Can's eyes darted her way. She could tell he wasn't  comfortable with her question. " Sanem, I don't.... It wasn't like that." He looked away, " We had sex.... that's all.. I didn't make love to her.." He said harshly, becoming irritated at the whole subject.

      Sanem grasped his hand, wanting to let him know she understood. " Can I felt the same way. It was as if my heart had a shield around it, and no matter who it was they couldn't break through that shield.." She muttered, holding back the tears. 

      Can grinned, " Yes. You and I were never completely intimate, but we came close a few times. Those feelings, with you, were the ones that have stayed with me.... Those times felt better than any other times with anyone.." He spoke hushed, almost as if he were embarrassed..

      They both had shared a lot of their lives from the past seven years. The things that needed to be told, talked about, and accepted if they were to more forward together...

      They sat at the cafe on the coast for a while, eating, laughing and explaining how they had lived over the past several years. Sanem was anxious to tell him about her friends back in Puerto Baquerizo Moreno, Ann-Marie and Sato, and she told him about her beautiful little house that she loved.... They talked until the owner finally turned out the lights. 

      " Thanks Captain. The dinner was the best, as always. We will be back for sure." Can called out, waving as they walked down the stairs to the pier.  He hadn't felt this relaxed or at ease in years, as he draped his arm around her shoulders and strolled to the car.

      Sanem leaned into him, feeling that sense of being comfortable. A feeling she hadn't had in a long time herself. " That was nice Can. I'm surprised he remembered us, it's been so long." 

      Can swung open the door for her to get in, " We are a hard couple to forget." He teased, stepping up close to her, wedging her against the car. " Are you sure you want to go to the hotel tonight?" He whispered, moving a long strand of hair that had fallen across her face. 

      Sanem felt that burning eruption of heat travel up her spine, making it hard to breath. " Can, I'm not sure at all....but I think if I don't it would be a mistake." She uttered breathlessly.  " We have to do this right. We have to take it one step at a time.... If we want to get back what we had.." 

      Can came closer, kissing her lips ever so slightly. She could feel his body trembling as he pressed his body firmly against hers.. His breathing was uneven, almost gasping, as he slide his arm around her waist. 

      " I can't let you go. I just want to be here with you like this...forever. This is the feeling that I only have with you.. This smothering, suffocating feeling, as if my heart can't beat, it can't pump, it's frozen." He whispered into her ear. 

      " This is a feeling I have with no one else.. I don't feel any of this when I'm in the presence of any other woman. I have missed this... You... the feel of your skin....that taste of your lips that's like no other..." Can confessed, breathing heavily.

      Sanem knew that feeling all too well. They had come to this point many times in their relationship, almost a point of no return, but each time they had forced themselves to stop. This time was it was much harder to stop.... This time she wanted to be with him... love him.... But now wasn't the right time.

      Can was hovering over her, his warm breath spreading over her, making her unable to think. She finally pushed him away, " Can, we aren't ready yet. As badly as we might want this, I don't think we are ready." She uttered, trying desperately to convince her own mind...

      He took a step back but didn't take his hands off of her, " Maybe you're right. I just want you so much. But.... I want it to be the right time."

      Sanem lowered her head, " Me too. But I want to be sure you're not going to leave again if I do something you don't like or approve of. I don't think I could take that again Can.... I really don't think I could." 

      Can helped her in the car and closed the door, his head spinning with so many thoughts it was making him dizzy. She was all he had ever wanted, or needed, but how did he make her understand that.

      The drive to the hotel gave them both time to think. " Can we still have a lot to talk about. Maybe you can come here to my room tomorrow. We can talk and figure out why all of this happened." Sanem suggested, as they pulled up in front of the door. 

      Can smiled, " Ok. I would love that. I'll be here early and bring some bagels and fruit." He said,  clinging on to her hand. " We will get through this my love.... I promise you. We won't lose each other again." He muttered, kissing her fingers...

      She nodded with a smile. " If you say so Can Divit... I believe you. See you in the morning." She replied, stepping from the car.

      He watched as she walked to the front door of the hotel. He was missing her already....his heart was pounding hard in anticipation of the next day. 

      Then... she turned and waved at him before she disappeared inside..... He smiled....He hadn't felt this way in years. This was the very feeling that had been missing from his life the past seven years.

      And he wasn't about to let it slip away from him again.....