The Return To Love

Chapter Eighteen

      There was a strange feeling of dread.... anticipation...almost panic, that began in the pit of her stomach. Just the thought of moving on, living her life as she had done the past seven years with that empty feeling of being alone.... It made her nauseous.

      The look on her face must have reflected all of her thoughts. Javier touched her hand, "Sanem are you okay? You look pale... I know this is a shock, but an offer from them is quite an honor." Javier explained, lacing his finger through hers.

      The words had formed in her head, but she couldn't seem to make them physically escape from her mouth. "I can't do it....I can't leave Can... my newly revived heart would simply not survive it."  She thought so loudly in her mind that she was sure he had heard it.

      Javier squeezed her hand, " Will you not say something Sanem. This is a milestone in your career." He asked, her silence making him very uncomfortable.

      She finally blinked her eyes as if she were just returning from a trance. " I'm sorry Javier, I..I...can't make a decision like this so quickly." She stammered, ripping her hand from his hold. But she knew that the decision had already been made for her....by Javier.

      Her whole body became weak as the reality began to sink in. He had set this all up...Javier had planned this, just to rip her away from the thing she wanted most....

      Javier shook his head in  confusion, " Decision, what decision? This was an invitation, I accepted it on your behalf, because that's what my job is, and your job is to show up and dazzle them with your talent and charm." He stated, annoyed and angry.

      Sanem looked up, seeing the determination in his face. " Javier you have never made those kind of decisions without talking to me first. Why did you do this now, and you are wrong, I do have a choice. Don't think for one minute that just because I spent a few hours with you five years ago that would give you the right to run my life.... and I will be the one to decide if I will be going." She replied, feeling her confidence again...

      She suddenly stood, looking at him, " I will let you know about the signing, but please don't make me choose between my life right now and the life I had a week ago... I'm afraid you might be disappointed with my choice." She snipped, as she turned and walked away.

      Javier sat there stunned, wondering what had happened to the determined and focused young woman that he created. He took out his phone, searching through it for the number of the only person he knew that might be able to talk some sense into her, Mevkibe Aydin.

      Sanem was deep in thought as she door of the elevator opened. A sweet older couple was standing there waiting to enter, " Honey are you getting off? Are you okay dear, you look upset." The lady said, jolting Sanem from her thoughts.

      " Oh yes...I'm.... I think this is my floor. Is this the sixth floor?" Sanem asked, looking around a bit confused. The couple nodded, confirming that she was on the right floor. She smiled and stepped out, " Sorry, have a nice day." She said, as she hurried down the hallway to her room.

      The door had barely shut behind her before the tears came. How had she let this happen... how had she not known. Javier had used her... he had manipulated her.... just like Emre and Fabri.... Was she such an easy target?

      She went to the balcony for some fresh air. The breakfast was still spread out on the table, and the smell of the wildflowers filled the air. It wasn't long ago that Can was here holding her, wanting her, making her feel so happy. 

      That feeling of love and warmth filled her, " That's the feeling I want.... The way he makes me feel." She thought, closing her eyes and remembering the touch of his hands. 

      She knew it was time to take back her own life. Do what she wanted, love who she wanted, be who she wanted to be. She had never wanted to be a celebrity, a bestselling author..... she only wanted to be the best writer she could be, she had done that...

      She was still deep in thought when her phone rang. She pulled the phone from her pocket and saw it was her mom calling. For a split second she considered not answering it, but dismissed the thought. 

      " Mom.. hello. I was just about to call you." She said, closing her eyes. She seemed to be getting very good at lying.... " Is dad ok? He isn't worse is he?" She asked in a guilty panic.

      " Sanem, my daughter... I have been waiting for your call letting me know you got to Barcelona safely." She said softly. Sanem was quiet, knowing she would have to lie again, so she took a deep breath before answering. " Oh yes... I forgot to call. Sorry, it's been crazy here." She stammered....almost choking on  her words.

      Mevkibe waited for a second before asking....  hoping that Sanem would tell her the truth on her own. " So I just had a nice talk with your publicist...what is his name,...oh yes Javier. It seems your plans changed, and you never made it to Spain, is that right my dear?" 

      The words sunk down deep into her stomach, making her nauseous. She couldn't believe that he would steep so low as to call her mother. It was as if she were still a child.

     " Javier called you. Well, I guess you don't need me to tell you that I never left Istanbul then, do you?" She spoke flippantly. " But I will try and explain, if you are willing to listen." She answered....

      Her mother cleared her throat, " Ok, I'm listening. Tell me what made you stay in Istanbul. Or, should I say, who made you stay in Istanbul? My beautiful and sweet daughter, your mother is not as stupid as you might think." She replied....

      " Mom I never thought you were stupid, but just what did Javier say to you.. why did he call you?" She asked trying to shift the conversation. The thought of telling her mom that she had stayed here to try and reconcile with Can, had all of a sudden terrified her.

      Mevikbe exhaled forcefully, " Sanem, I don't want to talk about what Javier had to say....I want to know what you have to say." Her words flew from her mouth in a flurry. " Why did you not get on that plane to Spain two days ago, and why did you not tell me you were still here?"

      Sanem swallowed hard knowing she would have to tell her the truth this time....No lying, no half truths, no excuses....but the truth...

      " Ok mom, I will tell you everything. But, like it or not, this is what I want and not what someone else wants me to do. So if you are ready to accept that, then I do not have a problem telling you why I'm still here." She spoke with that same newfound confidence she had before...

      " I am still here because of Can. That's the plain and simple of it, mom. We ran into each other at the airport. It was all quite by accident, but keeping us apart was not an accident. It was masterminded by our best friend CeyCey and my sister..." She spat the words out quickly, but they still left a bad taste in her mouth.

      She let out all of her pent-up anger. This had been the final straw.... CeyCey, Leila and now Javier....all of them interfering In her life..... In Can's life... In their life, and in their love...