helluva boss/hazbin hotel fanfic-Devils lettuce

⛺unhappy canpers⛺

A/N: not my favorite episode. So, I wanted to change it up. Hope you like it!

We see Blitzo peeking out of a corner of a building to check if the coast was clear. He then immediately runs across to a building in the Sloth Ring and starts climbing up the drain gutter downspout before he sneaks on the edge to a windowsill.

Blitzo: (low whisper) Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on.

Blitzo opens a window and tries to get inside But, his head has a hard time getting inside because his horns are blocking his entrance. He starts to make it through, but then he ends up falling in and rolls over.

Blitzo: Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, SHIT!!!

Blitzo crouches up and looks around for anyone who saw him. However, unbeknownst to him, a hand holding a taser comes into the scene and painfully tases him right in the butthole below his tail, making Blitzo seize in shock with static electricity before falling head first to the ground with smoke coming out of him.

Unknown Demon: Well, if it isn't the deadbeat.

Blitzo gets back up after his painful tase and brushes his sleeves.

Blitzo: (mockingly) Well, if it isn't Nurse Pussy Face.

we then see one of the nurses in charge of the rehab facility.

Rehab Nurse: You ain't gettin' in here. *crosses her arms and scowls at him* How many times do I have to sodomize you with a taser before you take a hint?

Despite being tased, Blitzo doesn't seem all hurt and brushes his coat.

Blitzo: As many as it takes to get me off. *turns back back to the nurse* Now, enough with this foreplay. Where's Barb?

Rehab Nurse: She checked out months ago, but that ain't none of your business.

Blitzo, surprised, comes over to the nurse, hands shrugging in confusion.

Blitzo: Wait, what? How? This is- wh-where the fuck did she go?

The nurse is skeptical of his intentions and brings up a taser to his face, making Blitzo so nervous and anxious that his tail straightened up and his arms down in fear.

Rehab Nurse: Yeah, like I'm gonna tell you, ass clown.

Blitzo regains his composure and stares down at the nurse.

Blitzo: You know, I kill people for a living, right, bitch?

Rehab Nurse: (nonchalantly) Oh, I'm SO FUCKIN' scared...

Blitzo realizes that the nurse isn't all afraid of him and sighs.

Blitzo: Ugh... Fine.

Blitzo walks back to the window to climb out of the room. Halfway through, the nurse calls back to him.

Rehab Nurse: Blitzo, she's got a job now, a life. Don't fuck it up by finding her.

Blitzo: Oh, that's nice. Why don't you take that advice and shove it right between your pussy *loses his grip and falls from the building* Liiiips!

we cut to I.M.P Headquarters where Y/N is reloading weapons while Moxxie and Millie are talking to a sinner client when Blitzo bursts open the door, now covered in bush leaves, bruises, and dirt all over his clothes and body, walks pass the three of them in a dejected manner. Moxxie calls to him to get his attention.

Moxxie: Sir! There's a client here who wants to-

Blitzo doesn't listen and interrupts Moxxie as he opens the door to his office and slams it shut. Moxxie and Millie stare in confusion before turning back to the client.