Sharing My Heart

31st December 2023

Hi guys. I hope you're doing well.

Today is the last day of 2023. So, how was 2023 for you, dear Reader? Let me know in the comments.

For me, 2023 was significantly a good year for me. Despite of me having destructive thoughts in many instances, it was good.

As a habit or mindset idk, from 2010 I decided to write a yearly wrap-up of the ending year. Though I don't have most of the records. Still I think it's a good habit of looking back on things.

I once said that I started this diary for building the habit of consistency, for being committed to a task & for accountability on my end.

I was actually thinking of skipping this week, coz I'm lazy & also a bit tired for having meds. But it's 31st December. And if I miss this day, it's a crime in my book.

I entered 2023 with fear, anxiety around AI. In later-half of 2022, many artist raised their concerns about their art being used to train AI with their consent. As someone who has a history of their art getting stolen, I was paranoid. On top of that, I also have bad history on the topic of AI.

Still I watched videos on the above topic. It couldn't remove "the fear" completely. But they gave me enough boost to explore AI Tools, e.g. ChatGPT.

Now, let's talk about 2021 & 2022 a little.

2021 was a train-wreck both mentally & emotionally. It was eye-opener for me. Without that year, those situations, I would've always thought that my family has my back; that's not the case actually. Looking back on it now, I should forgive them for few things. My family is also human with flaws. So, sometimes they'll never get you. And that's okay.

2021 ended with a trip announcement. A trip to Puri. I was absolutely against it. One reason was C0vid & another was my gut feeling. My Baba-Maa both were insisting however, coz this friend of Baba approached us for this trip & not the other way around, plus he's reliable then other friends. We went to Puri in January 2022. I still feel guilty of making the trip miserable because of mental breakdown. I'm the eldest, I have to be mentally sane, no matter what. But I... kinda refused to do so. I don't know if we'll make any future trip to Puri.

After few month of Puri Trip, Baba booked a trip to Darjeeling. So the Darjeeling Trip started around later-half of October 2022. The trip was comparatively fun. Though the experience of climbing up to the mountain was terrifying. I know, I was inside a van with my family & another family. Long road trips are nauseating. At that time, I was at constant fear of our van being tipped to the side of the road & we might fall to our de*ths. Overall, the trip was good. Native people of Darjeeling, as well as people of North East India, look similar to East Asian people. I hope I don't offend any foreigner by calling them North East Indian on my next trip🙃😁 So, I guess it's obvious why everything gave K-drama, J-drama vibes. Idk I'm not following pop culture these days, poor-old me, a 10,000 year-old granny👵😁

Our last trip was in Sundarban around first-half of December 2022. This trip was very unexpected. That travel agent was insisting us. And we lacked opportunity like this. Sundarban is the Mangrove forest spreading from east coast of West Bengal, India to coastal sides of Bangladesh. Main tourist attraction, the Royal Bengal Tiger. This trip was also fun.

These three trips were actually my childhood wishes. "My classmates have gone there so many times. Why can't I go there at least once?" I asked this to my parents, to myself even. I guess it's taking heck a lot of time to make the wishes come true. To the point, when I don't want them anymore, when I'm against them, they're coming true.