Sharing My Heart

4th August 2024

Hi guys. I hope you're doing well.

I couldn't upload because busy schedule, but more specifically my mental health.

It's still not a good place. But I thought you need to know the gist of it.

So, I have left my previous job. My ex-employer was constantly demanding my entire time & devotion to the work, with little to no return. But honestly, I was fed up with it.

For context, I got a job offer in May. I was willing to go for the interview, but never got the call until July. And I was drowning in stress to say the least. So, I told the interviewee that I can join from August.

Basically, I didn't want my ex-employer to drown in work pressure. And I knew how hard it is to submit ITR in this short amount of time. But this interviewee wanted me to join the very next day. So, he got a little disappointed, but told me to come another day to see the work around.

The new employer was adamant about kicking out the current employee, as she was doing multiple goof-ups.

After few days, I contacted him for an appointment. But he informed that he has already hired. I got little upset, but still asked for an appointment & he agreed.

I knew and was 100% sure that I wasn't gonna make it. I lost an opportunity big time. And I'm not getting it back.

Meanwhile, the would be ex-employer was constantly demanding me to cancel all my other appointments, tuition classes to save his a$$. When I mentioned I can't continue due to poor health and deteriorating eye sight, he says along the lines, "at least you're not getting bed ridden."

I got baffled but not surprised. That man was always like this. I was sure he got super angry at me, wasn't gonna lash out that on me. Otherwise his "Mr. Nice guy" facade would crumble down in front of me.

And he never believed my words. God forbid if I were in life or death situation, he would do the same thing. Baba got p!ssed at his remarks at my health condition.

When he came to Baba and asked the particulars of my health condition such as what's the actual condition, how chronic it is, which doctor I was checking etc. Baba was furious, but kept his calm & told the ex-employer, his friend, that I have to stop using PC, laptop, even phone. So, I'm unfit for work.

But the ex-employer wasn't having it. He kept reaching out to me, with his crocodile tears saying he has become "handicapped" after I stopped working. I wasn't buying it anymore.

That man is extremely frugal, to the he is not willing to pay his employee a decent amount. Each time I heard about someone getting paid Rs. 7000 for same working hours as me, I would snap. But seriously that man would provide some tiffin, I'm grateful for that. But Rs. 2500 for 80% of the workload that I do, is just unfair. Its ridiculous. That man always implied he has no money whenever I'm about to talk my pay raise and never be dependent on him from growth & opportunity. Then why he expects me to stay? I have already wasted my 2.5 years there. And I won't anymore when I got the chance to escape.

And now, about the new job. Its been only 3 days & my self-sabotage is in full swing. Basically I have to talk with other people. As a socially awkward & angst person, this new job is too overwhelming for me. Plus I have forgot to take basic self-care, e.g. washing my hair. I haven't washed my hair in weeks 😭😭

I can't focus on my studies rn. And I have a exam tomorrow.

I don't wanna l!ve wanna d!e