At least I'm Alive

Chapter 5 - Tutor

TW: abuse, attempted suicide

Time seemed to have stopped. Abela had no idea what to do, she had simply sat there on the dirty floor, confused and helpless. What felt like an eternity was soon cut short by a knock. Who was it? Abela's heart felt heavy.

"Bela! It's me!" A child's voice was muffled from the other side of the door. Abela felt relieved, hearing Querdia's voice, and her nickname gave her comfort. Abela hurried up as she rushed to the door. "It's locked!" she said.

"Don't worry, okay? Everything will be fine." Querdia said, their hands on the door. "Querdia...are you okay?" Abela asked, wishing to see her. 

"Yes! I was able to sneak out through the window hehe! Don't worry okay? Tomorrow, Mother will be in a good mood because she's going on a date with her father. I'll head straight over once I find the keys." Querdia quickly said. "Shoot! Someone's coming, everything will be okay Bela, I'll be back!" the sound of Querdia's voice faded, and it was silence once again. 

Abela took a deep breath as she turned back towards her room. She approached the bed, as she laid down, the woods creaking. She stared up at the webbed ceiling, as her eyes shut,

"Please... let nothing happen to Querdia and Idella."

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The next morning. Abela shot up from her bed as she heard the door slam open. The dust from the room quickly dispersed. Countess Dianne entered as she coughed the dust. "This room is horrid! Open the window!" She ordered the maids, and after a lot of struggle, the window shot open, giving much more air in the room. "You! Come here." Countess Dianne pointed at Abela, who hesitantly got up and stood in front of her.

"I will not stand to have anyone related to me to be uneducated, so be grateful. I have gotten you a tutor." A woman wearing a low bun and a black dress appeared, she held a wooden pointer stick as she held her head high with cold eyes and a malicious grin. "Do what you will." Countess Dianne left, followed by the maids.

"Hello, Lady Abela. My name is Lady Rose, but you shall refer to me as Master." her voice was deep. "Understood?"

Abela stared up at her, with a soft voice. "Yes.." However, Lady Rose's eyebrows furrowed as she yelled. "Louder!" She gripped onto her wooden pointer stick.

"Yes..!" Abela said in a much louder tone. "Very well, your first task is to clean this filthy room. The dust is dreadful." Lady Rose tossed a towel to Abela, as she called a maid to serve her tea. She sat down on a chair and crossed her legs. "What are you waiting for?!" 

Abela flinched as she quickly began to wipe the shelves. "I don't want to see a speck of dust." 

An hour later. Abela was dirtied by the dust, but the room felt clearer. As Lady Rose drank her tea, watching the entire time like a hawk, she stood up and hit Abela with her stick. "You filthy child, you look hideous. Not to mention..." *She ran her finger through the shelf, capturing a speck of dust on her finger. "It's still dirty!" She yelled. "Get up!"

Abela stood up, holding the towel with both of her hands. "Show me your hands." Lady Rose said as Abela put the towel down, wiping her hands onto her clothes and showing her palms. Without a warning, Lady Rose harshly hit Abela's palms with the stick, again, and again. Abela pulled her hands back but was immediately grabbed by Lady Rose. "Do not move until I tell you unless you want to get hit somewhere else." 

After a short while, Abela's hands trembled as the hitting left a few wounds and started to bleed. Lady Rose sighed, "I'll return tomorrow, I want this room clean, including you." she walked away shutting the door locked. 

Abela gasped as she missed the opportunity to escape, her eyes watered as she ran her nails down the wooden door in complete frustration. Her spirit was boosted as she heard the door unlock, the door creaked open as Querdia appeared smiling. Abela ran to hug her.

"Hi, Bela... Sorry it took me so long, I had to wait til Lady Rose left." Querdia caressed Abela's hair. "Be quiet.." she gently took Abela's wrist as they sneakily went down to Querdia's room. 

They went to the bathtub as Querdia bathed Abela, whose body was still small and thin. Abela winced as her wounded hands were cleaned and aided by Querdia. "I'm sorry." She said quietly.

Abela smiled, "Thank you for being here for me. Even if it's scary." she said, Querdia seemed like she was about to cry. "Listen, you have to endure for a while. You cannot run away, at least not yet. You're bound to this family until you're of age... It's a scummy rule... but I'll protect you okay?" Her voice quivered.

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Abela kneeled on her bed as she looked out the open window, after cleaning her room a second time. She looked down the height, the window was big enough for her to step out. Her mind felt foggy, and her heavy heart made her feel nauseous. 

"I hate this. Even in my second life, I'm still helpless. Querdia is suffering, Idella is gone, maybe if I disappear I..."  Abela thought as she looked down the window, seeing the significant height.

The moon cast a cold glow on her face as she looked down. The distant sounds of the city at night were drowned out by the deafening silence within her.

At that moment, the weight of her existence bore down on her shoulders. As the seconds ticked away, memories flashed before her eyes—fragments of joy, pain, and heartache. Yet joy seemed insignificant when she had mostly felt suffering. 

"How fucked up. A child is about to jump..." She chuckled from her thoughts. 

The night breeze, once a gentle touch, now felt like a whisper, urging her to reconsider. But her body wasn't moving, forward or backward. She closed her eyes, remembering all her grateful moments with Idella and Querdia, but those memories were overrun by the yelling and eyes of those she dreaded. The pained expression of Querdia, and Idella's plea. It pained her heart, which made her foot move forward.

"DON'T!"

A loud voice of a child echoed, causing Abela to freeze and look around. It was not Querdia's voice.

"DON'T! DON'T! LIVE! LIVE!" 

The child's plea was deafening, and Abela covered her ears from the loudness. She stepped back, causing her to fall onto the bed.  

What was that voice? Abela looked around, unable to process the entire situation. She took a deep breath, as the door creaked open. Querdia appeared with a basket of fruits.

"Bela!" She smiled as she closed the door behind her. "I got you some food. The maids don't seem to care much now, so it's easier to sneak in the kitchen." She giggled. 

Abela's heart dropped. What was she about to do? Was she planning to leave this poor child, who was determined to take care of her? Abela's tears began to form as she ran to Querdia and hugged her tightly.

"Oh no.. What's wrong Bela?" Querdia gently pats her head.

"Sorry... sorry..." Abela sobbed.

"Aw, stop it. You are my sister. And we will get through this." Querdia bent down giving Abela a warm hug.

"I'll endure a little longer, for her." Abela hugged her tightly.