The Pain in My Heart [Completed]

Chapter Thirty-Seven ~Crista

"Stupid girl."

John's voice startles me from my sleep. Well, I guess I still am sleeping, just not in my own dreams anymore.

"So do you decide to drown yourself in a lake every day or did I just catch you at an off time?"

"Very funny." It's now that I face reality again. Oh, how dreams can erase the world you're living in and make you almost believe in something new.

"Do you hate me that much to try to drown yourself after we made our bargain? Do I disgust you that much?"

Yes, I want to say but I can't. I had not meant to do it at all. I didn't plan on not coming up for air... but the longer I was down there, the more death seemed welcoming. It seemed understanding. Maybe—

"No!" John's voice rings out. "You know I can hear what you're thinking. Don't ever think that about yourself."

"Stay out of my head!" I scream. "Is that what you want? To pick me apart and torture me with my own thoughts!" I wail into the darkness.

"I've given up everything. I've sacrificed all I've got. I don't have anything left to give..."

"Crista," he says, his voice different. "You see so little. You have no idea the strength you have. You're not aware of the love you possess."

I snort. "Yeah? And why do you care? The last time I checked you betrayed everyone who ever loved you. Do you even know anything about love?"

There is silence thicker than the night itself. I can hear my heartbeat. Not like all the other times. It's not labored but scattered. Too real.

"I do."

My heart jumps at his sudden voice and once again it laces through my thoughts without restraint.

And then there are no words, but a suggestion that floats in my mind. A feeling of certainty I cannot explain.

"It was you. The necklace. You made it glow. You're the one that brought it to me all the way across the lake."

I can feel the hesitation in the air. It constricts my limbs and makes me ache all over again. "You would not have made it in time."

"Axil was fine," I say. "He's the one who saved me," I choke out of embarrassment.

"Without you, he wouldn't have been. He would have died trapped in the lake if he hadn't seen the light."

Hearing the words spoken out loud makes tears swell in my eyes. Axil is one of the bravest people I know, but he's just as breakable as any other person.

"You guys love to fight with each other. I get it." And I swear I can hear a hint of laughter. The kind that you don't force when remembering a childhood memory.

"You and Zaria," I say, not really knowing what to say or how to say it. A part of me aches to know their story; to know what happened before the lies, before the betrayals.

"Closer than two peas in a pod," he says sadly. "But, like any children, we fought over stupid things. We both enjoyed tussling over things that didn't matter. It was a distraction... I think you know a little bit about that."

I keep my mouth shut and try not to think about anything, keeping my mind as clear as possible.

"I can feel your struggle."

"Would you please just leave me alone," I say desperately.

"Sorry. I try not to, but your thoughts are so complex."