The Pain in My Heart [Completed]

Chapter Forty-One ~Crista

My head has always been so full of thoughts. Words upon words upon even more words. After all this time... feeling Axil and Zaria's arms around me, there is not a thought to be found in my brain. I'm utterly speechless, like a trance has been put over me and I'm floating.

For a moment, I do think. And I worry, what if this is all just a dream? What if this is an elaborate vision John is showing me to torment me, and that's the reason I feel like I'm floating?

My heart starts to speed and my breathing gets faster as the panic starts to creep in that is until I hear her voice.

"Thank you," she says, and her voice sounds like melted chocolate.

This has to be a dream.

"It's not," I hear a whisper and this time I know for a fact that it is John. And once again, I swallow the feeling of comfort his soothing voice gives me. Nonetheless, I listen and even if he's lying, I let myself believe the fantasy for just a few more moments.

She breaks away and the moment she lets go my skin misses the warmth. She takes half a step back, still close enough for me to see the brilliance in her eyes. They sparkle and I know it's not from the teardrops forming in her eyes.

She quickly wipes them away and sniffles. "I can't believe—" she starts. "I've — We've been so worried. How did— Where were you guys?" she asks in a tizzy, her hands gripping her hair at her scalp.

Axil opens his mouth to say something but before he can even get a word out, she starts again.

"I'm so sorry," she says and there is no stopping the tears this time. "I shouldn't have written anything. I shouldn't have been so reckless. What if you had—"

"Hey, hey," Axil coos reaching out and embracing her. "We're all alright. Everything is okay, now."

He rubs her back in steady strokes and she takes labored breaths. I've never seen Zaria ugly cry. Even when she got shot by her own father or saw her mom get murdered right before her eyes, I've never seen her absolutely break down.

The moment feels too private and I look over to my dad. He looks back over to me. Oh, how it's been too long, how we have had to keep our family a close secret.

His eyes meet mine and for a moment it's like looking through a mirror. His deep brown eyes soften and I can feel all the unspoken words he's trying to say. I look around his shop and see all the things he has collected. I remember when the shelves were still empty and these walls used to be my climbing grounds. I remember all of the games I would play with my imagination and those planks of wood. Now, they're filled with ingredients, potions, and a tiny bit of stowed-away magic.

Zaria finally pulls away after her cries soften and she looks at me, then at my dad, then back to me, and I know she's thinking it, so I stretch out my hand and say," Zaria, this is my father. The one I told you about." I look over to my dad and he smiles gently at Zaria.

"I know," she says groggily and my heart jolts.

"You know?" I question. My mind starts flooding through all of the time I had seen Lucy and Zaria together, whispering amongst each other along the hallways and corridors. Lucy must have told her. My chest starts to feel tight again. I told Lucy to keep it a secret. I told Lucy that I wanted to be the one to introduce my father to her when the time was right.

I hang my head and I can see my dad out of the corner of my eye wondering what the big deal is.

Why is it a big deal? Why does it mean so much?

I shake my head. Everyone outside the walls of Lumbridge thought of me as an orphan after my mother died. I was "tiny little Crista," the girl who was too wild for this world. My father became the part of me no one else knew about. And then there was Zaria, whose father never loved her. I thought maybe at the right moment... at the right time I might be able to share that part of me with her and she wouldn't hate me for it. How is anyone supposed to present their parent who would do anything for their family to someone whose parent tried to kill them every other day?