The Pain That Grows Us

Chapter Eleven

I thought there was nothing worse than a blank computer screen with the blinking black line staring back at you when your thoughts failed you. I was wrong. Having a blank piece of paper stare back up at you while you are tapping the end of your pencil on the makeshift desk on your lap is a thousand times worse. If I thought I was struggling with completing Dr. Jeffery's homework before, I am definitely struggling now.

The conversation with my brother only made things worse. My hand works its way through my hair for the thousandth time. I should have stayed silent. I shouldn't have blown up on him like that. What was I thinking?

"Would you stop thinking so loudly?" Jason snaps, he turns in the chair and glares at me.

"Fuck off. I am trying to do my homework." I look back down at the blank piece of paper and groan.

"It is easier than you think. Just come up with one reason why you should get better." he tells me, crumpling the paper he has been working on, although I don't know if he has been working on a homework assignment or another letter to that friend of his.

"Is it that obvious?" I ask, thankful for the slight distraction.

"Everyone has the same first assignment." Talia answers walking into our room. "Everyone struggles with it." she flops onto Jason's bed and stares up at the ceiling.

"How did you find your reasons?" I ask her.

She turns her head and stares at me. I shouldn't have asked her that. I should have just kept my question to myself. I can come up with a few pathetic reasons on my own.

"I thought about the one person that I wanted to make proud. After that I just replayed all the conversations I had with that person and picked from the list. I mean we have all had the 'you need help' conversation with at least one person."

"I didn't do that. I thought of the one person I wanted to get better for." Jason pipes in.

"Take some time to think about it. Work on something else." She shrugs, "We found our lists playing a game. Amara came up with hers watching an episode of Say Yes to the Dress. It comes to everyone differently, but the common theme is distraction."

"Did you talk to your Dad?" Jason asks, turning around as he pulls out another piece of paper.

"About the four day outing you want to go on?" she stares back at the ceiling, "No. I didn't think asking him about an outing-that is against the rules- when he was throwing out Miss Greenwald was a good idea."

Four day outing?

"Besides, we have to find a new chaperone. Amara isn't exactly available anymore."

"Sam is always available." his voice thick with sarcasm.

"I'll pass." she shudders as if the thought of spending four days with whatever Sam is to her is a fate worse than death.

"You have to spend time with him eventually." Jason comments, but he is distracted now. His pen is flying across the paper in front of him, as if the conversation gave him the words to say.

"After what happened last time? I don't think so."

"Talia, we grew up with you and Amara, embarrassing is normal when it comes to you two."

"And you still haven't asked her out?" the words fly out of my mouth before I can stop them.

"Ask me out?" Talia shrieks.

"Shut the fuck up, Jack." Jason turns to glare at me.

"No. You don't get to shut him up. What is he talking about Jason?" her head snaps between Jason and I. As if she doesn't know who to look at.