The Pain That Grows Us

Chapter Fifteen

"Hey! You reached Ruby! Don't be lame and leave me an awesome message! Ttyl!" The beep sounds in my ear, but I am not ready to leave my message yet.

"Some one compared me to Brady fucking Henshaw, they told me we were both assholes, and I wanted to tell them that I am different. That I wouldn't hurt you. But I did. I was an asshole. I shouldn't have... I didn't mean what I said. I was drunk. It's not an excuse. I am getting help. I wanted you to know that. I need you to know that. I love you Ruby. I really do. If you call me I won't be able to answer. I was... It's hard to explain, damn it there are a thousand other things I want to say to you. I have too many things that I need to tell you. But I need you to hear this Ruby. I love you. Don't let go of that okay? I love you. I have to go, damn I wish I didn't have to, I love you." I don't want to say goodbye, I don't want to hang up, but I have to, before I say something that I should say in person.

Disappointment is a heavy weight in my chest, I thought I was prepared for her not to answer. I thought I would be okay if I got her voicemail. I was wrong. Hearing her voice only makes my longing for her worse. It's like putting a bottle of Jack Daniel's in front of me only to tell me that I can't have any of it. I want to throw my phone across the yard and let it shatter into a thousand tiny pieces, but I can't do that. She might call. I won't hold my breath that she will, but if she does I want to get her message. I want to hear her voice over and over again. Fuck. I have issues. They say I am obsessed with alcohol but they have no idea how obsessed I am with her.

I look at the phone as it lights up, and for two seconds I can feel my heart breaking free from my chest. Then I look at the damn screen. It's my brother texting the group chat I have with my cousins discussing the expansion plans. Just like the feelings I have about Ruby are out on the back burner.

Ryan: If we visit the shop Monday we can start moving everything to the new one.

Max: Justin has a parent teacher meeting Monday.

Ryan: What time?

Max: I don't know. Jack was the one who set the appointment. His teacher just sent the reminder page home yesterday.

I forgot about that. I set that when Ruby was at the mental hospital and I was doing better. I thought I would be able to go and set the example. To show him that we aren't all screw ups. That we don't have to act the way everyone expects us too. That there is power in knowledge. Fuck. What else did I forget about while I have been recovering? While I have been dealing with withdrawls that shouldn't be this strong, and whatever the fuck has been wrong the last few days.

Jack: The meeting is at four-thirty. I promised him McDonalds if the report was good.

Damon: Well look at that, the mother fucker lives.

Zane: They finally give you phone privileges?

Max: Not that the asshole deserves it.

Ryan: Fuck off you guys. At least he is trying.

I click out of the group chat. I don't need to see what else they are saying. It will only make it harder when I hand Amara the phone back. Knowing that the rest of the world has moved on while I have been here, and I haven't even been here that long. I can't imagine what Jason feels, or hell even Britney.

My screen lights up again.

Ryan: Did they give you your phone back? Or are you causing some Hathoway trouble?

Jack: Dr. Jeffery let me call Ruby. Said it might help me to just leave a voicemail.

Ryan: Even though...