The Pain That Grows Us

Chapter Thirty-Four

"You look like you haven't slept in five fucking years." Ryan comments when I slip into the car.

"I have had a lot on my mind. I shouldn't have opened that fucking box. I should have just left well enough alone. I wasn't able to sleep last night, or today.

"You ready for this?" He asks as we drive away from the Recovery house.

"No." Even though I have had weeks to come up with a solution to this plan I haven't found one. Not when it is obvious we aren't meant to walk away alive.

"Let's just hope those people you said would help us actually do, otherwise we are dead men walking." he sighs.

He doesn't have to tell me twice. I had one wild card and I have played it, all we can do now is hope and pray that it doesn't bite us in the fucking ass tonight. Not when everything is already stacked against us. At least it is foggy tonight, maybe we can get into the port without them knowing. That would be a fucking miracle.

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We are fucking screwed. Shots ring around us, a couple people next to me falling to the ground as a bullet hits them in the head. They fucking knew we were coming, they had to. There was no way they would have been this prepared otherwise.

I don't know where my brothers are, or if they are alive. We got separated the moment we stepped into their territory, we haven't made it anywhere near the port. If I turned around and ran a few feet I would be back in our territory.

The gun in my hand clicks, I am out of ammo. I have no idea if any of my bullets have hit the target, but from the way there hasn't been a break in their shooting I don't think they have. I should have told everyone we weren't going through with my fathers plan. I should have stayed true to what I knew would keep us safe, but I didn't and now we are paying the price.

There are several screams in front of me and a gurgling noise as someone chokes on their own blood. I need to get out of here, I need to find another gun with some fucking ammo too. Then I need to find my fucking brothers. I can't have them dying out here like animals. They deserve more than that.

I move through the fog in the direction I think my brothers went in when shit hit the fan, stumbling over bodies and narrowly dodging bullets as they fly past me. I am fucking thankful I got the boot removed yesterday, otherwise I would be dead by now.

A bullet grazes my arm as I fall to my knees, looking down I realize I tripped over someone who was with my brothers. Fuck, they didn't get very far. They could be one of the bodies surrounding me, but I would never know. The fog is to fucking thick.

"He is still back there." Ryan's voice is quiet but he is close.

"We can't go back for him. We barely made it out of there." Danny answers, his voice even quieter as they walk away.

Fuck. I am right here. I just need to fucking find them. Where the fuck is all of this fog coming from? It wasn't supposed to be this fucking foggy. My hands scrape against the ground as I get up making my way towards their voices.

I keep walking in what I hope is the right direction for several minutes. I don't know if I am in enemy territory anymore or not, I have no fucking idea where I am heading. What I do know is the abandoned lot where this all started is a quiet war behind me and I am on the edge of a neighborhood.

"Easiest money ever." I freeze, ducking behind one of the gates as someone passes in front of me.

"It would have been." my father's voice rings out from behind me. "If you didn't fail." he says before shots echo down the quiet street.

Before I can even comprehend what he just said his hand wraps around my forearm yanking me up. I am close enough I can see the rage in his eyes as he buries a knife into my side. He smiles at me before yanking the blade out of me. Dropping me to the ground, blood leaking from the wound.

"Goodbye son, now you and your bitch can be dead together." he kicks me in the side, making the world disappear for several minutes.

When the black spots disappear he is gone, and I am alone.

This is what I fucking deserve.

Ruby died alone and so will I.

A laugh escapes me as I accept what fate has handed me, hopefully my brothers escaped and they can get away from my father. My head rolls to the side and I am staring at another fucking tree. Why is it always a fucking tree?

Her blond hair swings behind her as she leads the way through the lines of trees as if she has been here a million times before, and maybe she has. She was the one that told me to pull over here.

"Come on Jack." She smiles at me over her shoulder, fuck I want to hold on to that smile forever.

I should call her. I should let her know that I am joining her. Somehow I find the power to sit up but when I do I realize I know where I am. I have walked this street a thousand different times. If I walk down this street for a little while I would find Ruby's house.

Call her and leave another pathetic message on her voicemail? Or use what strength I have left and get closer to her house, to another piece of her soul.

I don't even know what I am doing until pain is shooting through my body and my hand is pressing against my side harder than it was when I was laying on the ground bleeding out. The world spins around me and my legs shake as I take one unsteady step after another.

I fucking loved her epically, that's what she said.

That's what I have to cling to as I do something impossibly stupid and painful, that and the thought of her tugging me through a grove of apple trees. Even if she did push me away, she let me hold her when she needed it. She let me in when she shut out the rest of the world.

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I hate this fucking ladder, blood has soaked my shirt and the waist of my jeans. My hands are slippery with blood. My hands are shaking so badly that I almost let go of the ladder as the world spins. I am almost there, and I just have to pray to whatever higher power out there that her window isn't locked.

I just want to die close to her.

Just as I am about to say fuck it and let go of the ladder to fall to my death, my bloody hand presses against her window. I put a little more pressure and I fall into her room. A cough escapes me as I lay face down on her floor, the scent of strawberries wrapping around me.

A smile pulls on my lips. I can finally die. I can finally let go.

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Don't hate me too much! This is where book two ends.

I will have another update in a few days to let you know what the name of the third book is and when you can expect to have the first update for it.