The Pain That Grows Us

Chapter Twenty- Seven

"I would appreciate it if you stopped trying to kill yourself." Ryan laughs, slapping my back when I sit down at the kitchen table.

"Ass." I smile taking a bite of the food Alice made. "How was the jailbird last night?" I ask him, I got a text from him this morning saying he was going back with Danny to pick up Justin.

"He was pissed off." Ryan's smile dropping from his face. "They had him in an interrogation room. They were asking about the fucking pawn shop, and the butchers, and the fucking florist. But we all knew it was a matter of time before they hauled on or all of our asses into the station."

"Sanchez will have his day of reckoning soon." Zane sighs, slipping into the chair next to me, circles under his eyes.

"Wheels up in twenty. Principal Johnson told Danny we had to show up to school this week, that the 'project' that we were doing to get extra credit ended today." Ryan announces, taking his plate to the sink. "You have anything for me to take today?"

"Yeah, it should be on the counter. I finished everything except for the project. I need to start that today." Miss Stewart is going to have my ass if I don't turn something in soon.

"I got a couple of the guys to cover the house today, you should stay away from that house for a little while."

"What project have you been working on?" I ask, ignoring the fact that he is telling me I need to stay away from the one place he has been trying to get me into for years.

"He had us rebuild a couple of cars for him. Told Zane that if he could build a car he didn't need to take a math class." Damon says around the food in his mouth.

"Sucker," I laugh, if there is one thing we know how to do, it is rebuild cars, "The teachers must love the lot of you right now."

"You have no idea." Ryan laughs.

"Are we going or what?" Alice snaps staring at her nails as she comes back into the kitchen.

"Yeah, we are going. I just got to grab- Got it." Ryan says picking up the folder filled with the assignments I have been working on for the last few days. "See you later, Jack."

Damon shovels a few more bites of food into his mouth as everyone heads out the door, he grabs the cup of coffee and runs after them. It is a miracle all of us made it this far in school. I push back in the chair and stare down at the boot on my foot. I should thank Dr. Ackleman for rushing me in the other night, otherwise who knows how long I would have had to wait to get the fucking cast off.

The last time I was left alone in the house on a school day I was hungover, drinking more whiskey knowing that I wouldn't feel the pain if I kept drinking. I should have seen the signs back then, I should have known that I had a fucking issue instead of denying it. I grab my phone off the table and grab the car keys that are hanging on the wall.

I need to get out of here.

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The wind whips through my hair as I speed down the winding road. I have missed this feeling. I have missed feeling anything but pain and anger and a depression that is so deep I feel almost empty not thinking about it.

Flying down the road I pass farms busy with people picking apples and other fruits that you can only appreciate to the fullest when you have them fresh. I keep driving until I find the one farm that no one ever goes to. The farm with the sweetest apples and the best homemade apple donuts, a place all the tourists skip because it isn't the biggest or the flashiest.

I haven't been here in years. It would be a lie to say I didn't miss this place, but then again I don't know if I miss this place or the memories it holds. Afterall how many times do you get to spend an afternoon with Ruby Wilson while you are supposed to be at school. Fuck if I could go back and do things all over again I would.