The Pain That Grows Us

Chapter Twenty-Two

"Dad make you depressed or angry this time?" Talia asks, the moment I am back in the house.

"Talia, be nice." She calls out as she goes to hunt down her boyfriend.

"Neither." I tell her making my way to the empty armchair.

"He didn't do his job then, I would call and file a complaint." She smiles.

"I think I am just pissed off at myself."

"Britney went on instagram, found the girl that you wanted to talk to." Talia says softly, "I am sorry. If I had know that she was the person that... We are all sorry Jack."

"I didn't know until yesterday. I needed to see her grave for myself." I look at that fucking bleach stain again.

"If I lost Jason, I don't know what would happen. I don't know what I would do, you know things got dark for me when I thought he just walked away from me." she tucks her hands under her arms, as if trying to hide herself from that pain.

The thing is, there is no hiding from that pain when it shows itself in your life. There is nothing you can do to escape from it, it just creates a massive hole in your chest and it's up to you to keep living life. It's easier watching others pick up the pieces after you have made a mess of their life, picking up the pieces of your life after a mistake you made. That shit is a thousand times harder.

"Sam is here, if you want to meet him."

"I'm good."

"Then you better make your way to your room. He should be leaving any minute now." She says getting up from the chair she is in and leaves the room. Who the fuck is this guy, and why does he bother her so fucking much?

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The orange pill bottle sitting on my bedside table mocks me. The pills aren't nearly as strong as they should be for the pain, but I don't mind anymore. The pain shooting through my leg and shoulder is only a distraction for the pain in my chest. I thought I wanted to feel the pain of losing Ruby, but it might be too much. I don't know if I can bear the weight of it. I didn't feel this much pain when I lost my mother. Or when my aunt died, and she was more of a mom to me than my mother ever was. So why does losing Ruby Wilson hurt me so fucking much?

Answers would be nice, but a break from the aching pain would be even better. I thought I couldn't think before I knew the truth, but now my thoughts really are all around her. Her smile, her laugh, the way she glared at me. The way she snuggled closer to me when she was dreaming. Fuck everything about her is in my fucking head and I want it to stop.

"Love isn't easy." Jason tells me, snapping me out of my thoughts, thank fuck for that.

"What?"

"My friend. She wrote that."

"So?" I look away from the pain bottle and meet his gaze.

"I mean that's all she wrote. She sent me a fucking letter with only three words on it." he opens the envelope as if looking for another piece of paper.

"Maybe that's all she had to say?" Her fucking ocean blue eyes, damn it could I get lost in those eyes of hers.

"No. Something has to be wrong. She wouldn't just write me three fucking words."

"I don't know what to tell you man." and I really don't, I can't even find it in me to care. Not that I would have cared before a few days ago, but still.

"I need to call her." he starts pacing in front of his desk.

"Then call her." I grab the stack of homework that I have been putting off.