Watercolour

Seventeen

Not proof-read

Alana's P.O.V

Days had quickly turned into weeks and the time that Charley had originally said her plan would take to put into action had grown to about three times as long. We were now six days into December and tomorrow it would have been a month since I had spoken to Alex. Directly, that is.

It was 7:47 by the time I got to the road that ran adjacent to the hill. If he was going to, I wasn't expecting Alex to turn up for at least another 15 minutes so I decided that I'd cross the road and go to Starbucks.

"Hi, how can I help?"
There were many answers to that question: tell me what's up with Alex. Is he coming? Does he even care anymore?

"Hi, can I have a caffé americano to go, please?"
"Is that all?"

No, I think. Should I care anymore? Is this worth caring about or am I wasting my time? I look to my left and through the glass front of the shop; still I could see no one.

"Actually, could I have a hot chocolate as well please?"
"Of course, " she said tapping a few more buttons on the screen. "That's £5.85, please."

I handed her the change and moved to the side while I waited for my order.

*
After another 20 minutes of waiting I assumed that Alex wasn't coming after all and decided to head home rather than sitting waiting in the frosty December air.

I got up and started walking back down the dimly lit path towards the main road.

As I reached the gate I saw a figure coming up the path towards me in the opposite direction; it was Alex. He saw me and immediately sped up his pace to meet me.

Alex's P.O.V

Without thinking we pulled each other into a hug stood there, enjoying each others' embrace. It was strange if you thought about it but it was just what I needed nonetheless. I'd forgotten the comfort that Alana gave me; her presence calming me in an instant.

"I'm sorry Alana... so sorry," I mumbled into her shoulder. In response she just held me tighter before letting go and sitting down on the bench beside us. I joined her and looked her straight in the eyes.

"I got you this," she said, holding out a Starbucks cup. "It's probably cold by now to be honest."

"Thanks, I'm sure it's alright," I replied taking the cup in my hands and having a sip. The liquid was lukewarm but the little heat that was left warmed me up slightly anyway.

"Sorry... I'm so sorry for my lecture the other day. I lost control. Please forgive me," I begged. "I just felt like I had to get it off my chest. It was stupid. I was stupid. Sorry."

"No, I understand," she said, smiling weakly. "It's alright."

"No, it's not alright," I admitted, placing the cup down on the bench and shoving my hands into my pockets to conserve warmth. "This was all my fault."

"It really isn't... I was the one who didn't give you a chance to explain... I was blinded by my emotions."

"If anyone's been blinded by their emotions then it's definitely me; for the last however many years. I'm the one who-"
"Who has had a rough few weeks because of me; I was more than an idiot... All I want to know is if you're alright now?"

"I guess... I won't be able to get over you - not yet but eventually I'll be fine; I guess I always knew that it was never meant to be."

"You don't know that."
"Pretty sure I do," I sighed.
"Either way, I guess neither of us were prepared for this. But you know... things do happen for a reason and you can't change that; not you, not me, not anyone. All we can do is accept it and try to find a way to live with it rather than trying to find way around or out of it."

"I guess, yeah."

"You know, some things are impossible to get around, but all things you can get out of; however, in order to get out of something, you have to be in it first."

"Mhmm, yeah... wise words from Alana Grey everybody," I chuckled. "I promise never to find a way out of this though." I said, gesturing to the empty space between the two of us.
"Sounds good to me. Promise."

We sat in silence for a few minutes before I decided to ask her about something I'd been thinking about earlier.
"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't change."

She paused for a moment and looked at me in bewilderment.

"Because you're the only one of you, Alex."

I looked down at the path before lifting my gaze to the horizon; the sun was about to set and it was rapidly get dark.

"And you are the Alex that we love," she finished.

I had nothing to respond with after that.

"So now what?"

"Look, I've thought long and hard about this and I know that Harvey's a good guy and its going to take more than pure persuasion to make me change that. It's not fair on him or me if I just go with your gut instinct."

My heart sank. I'd been expecting it; I knew that Alana liked Harvey and that I couldn't have stopped that but there was still that part of me that was hopeful, longing for something other than a confirmation of Alana's feelings for someone else.

"Equally, it's not fair on you if I just ignore you; you're one of my best mates and I trust you... there are only a handful of people that I'd trust with my life and you're one of them, Alex. I honestly don't know what I'd do without you," she smiled. "I need you to be open."

"In what way?"
"I know you don't like Harvey but I need you to answer something for me."
"Okay...?"
"Why? What is it you don't like about him? What is it that you have against him?"
"I..." I stopped, I knew that it was partially my jealously but there was definitely more to it than that; I just couldn't identify what. "I'm not sure... I mean, I know I'm jealous - I'm not bothering to deny that anymore- but there's something about him. Something that makes me feel apprehensive around him."

"In what way? What is it about him?" she asked again.

"I don't know Alana, I really don't. I've thought long and hard about this; for the last month there have only been two things occupying my mind: you," I paused, "and him."

"I'm just trying to understa-"
"You like him, he likes you... there's obviously nothing that can change that right now, I've tried hard enough. So you don't need to understand what I'm trying to understand myself... you just need to make sure that you're happy."
"Ale-"
"That's all I want right now."

"Alex, I want-"
"Alana, its fine," I said as she leant her head on her knees and I shuffled over to hug her. "Just do it... go for it. Don't mind me; I'll live."

We sat there for a good 20 minutes, wrapped din each others arms, before she sat up.
"Sorry, I'm a complete mess," she sighed.
"No, it's fine... you're not the only one," I admitted.
"Bet I'm worse," she smiled as we simultaneously stood up and headed back down the dimly lit path.

*

"Thanks for tonight... I know it's hard for you," she said, breaking the silence as we reached her house.
"You and me both. Speak to you tomorrow?"
"Yeah... see ya."

I turned around and walked slowly down her driveway. My hands reached into my pockets as Alana spun me round and wrapped her arms around me. I buried my face in her shoulder and we stood there in silence, rocking back and forth. We finally peeled away from each other and at that, she turned around and walked through her front door; leaving me standing, frozen in the cold December air.