Drunk love - Johnnyboy

chapter 9

I sighed, sitting up, knowing that my headache won't help later on with school.

Last night, Johnny and I went to my place because we didn't want to stay there too late. Sodapop woke us up.

"School day. Get up." Darry said, poking his head in the room. I nodded and stood up, grabbed myself some new clean clothes and went to shower.

The shower made me glad. I was happy I didn't smell like booze. Then, again, I don't think Two-bit cares if he smells good or not. I shrugged my thoughts away and turned the water off, grabbing my towel. After I ate breakfast, I hugged Darry and Soda goodbye.

School was awfully weird today - I mean, most people weren't there. Why? Anyway, I was walking out of Gym for the day and sighed, contently. I was glad to get out of school. School is fun when you understand things, but then you get bored and tired. I walked out of school and sighed. I'll have to see Johnny, I thought. I'm being dramatic. He didn't mean what he said. He's not ashamed of loving me. Maybe it just happened in my dreams. I fully convinced myself of that. Anyway, I went on walking home and bit my lip. It's pretty cold. At least it's only February, it'll get warmer soon. When I got home, the sound of yelling and loud music filled my ears.

The whole gangs here.

I walked inside and immediately coughed. Who's smoking so much? I looked to my side and saw Dally. What's Dally doing here? "Hey, Dal." I yelled over the loud music. He shot me a grin. "Hey, kiddo. How's it going, man?" He said, walking to me and nudging my arm. "It's been great. Good behaviour?" Dally nodded. I thought that was ironic.

I went on to my room and saw Johnny reading a book. I froze. "Hey, Pony!" Johnny said, jumping up and walking over to me. "Hey, Johnnycake." I sighed and sat on my bed. "Can I talk to you about something?" I asked Johnny. He nodded. "Um.. Last night, you were drunk - and you said some things.." I nearly mumbled. "Like w-what?" He was getting nervous, I could tell. "You said you wish I was a girl. Why?" Johnny stayed silent for a minute. I stood up. ".. I said that?" I got impatient. "You didn't answer me. Why?" I said, bitterly. "I- I don't-" I cut him off, and started yelling. "Because you're ashamed of loving me? Am I that bad?" I yelled, and he flinched. "No..  no, Ponyboy. I'm not ashamed of loving you." He whispered. I got even more angry, if you want the truth. "Okay. Great! So why did you say that!?" I was nearly screaming now. He sat on he bed and wiped his eyes. He hates me now, I'm sure of it. "I don't know why I said that." His voice was getting louder. "You don't know? So you didn't mean it? I bet you didn't mean it when you said you loved me?!?" I walked out of the room and slammed the door.

Was this all a lie? I walked into the living room and sat down on the couch. "What was that about?" Steve asked. I sighed. "None of your business, Steve." He rolled his eyes and kept watching the TV. I fiddled with my fingers and bit my lip. Why was I so angry about this? I love Johnny, really, but I was so mad. But for what reason? I sighed and clenched my teeth. Sodapop came walking in the room. "Hey.. I just saw Johnny crying. You wouldn't happen to be the reason, would you?" He asked me. My blood went cold. "It's none of your business." I stood up and stomped to the door, slamming it and running to the lot.

I felt like bawling. I had a mix of anger and love in me. Why? Is it because I love Johnny so much? That can't be it. Maybe I just don't want to lose another loved one. I couldn't stand it. I sighed and sat on the grass and let a tear slip out of my eyes.

I'm not bleeding, so why does this hurt so bad?

My chest was aching and I bit my lip. "Ponyboy?" I heard someone say. I wiped my eyes and looked up. It was Steve. Why Steve? "What?" I said, bitterly. "Look, I don't know what's wrong with you, but it's gonna be alright, kid. Talk to Johnny." He said, looking at his own feet. I shrugged and stood up. "He hates me." I said. He shook his head. "No, kid, you got that wrong. He told me to get you." I nearly gasped. Why? Doesn't he hate me? "He.. he did?" I asked, a hint of hope leaving my mouth.

He walked away and I followed him, hesitantly. I sighed. What am I doing? We walked back home and I nearly bawled. I felt like a goof. He opened the door for me and I went inside. I froze immediately. Johnny was curled up into a ball on the couch. I bit my lip, hard. "Johnny..?" I nearly whispered, approaching him. "I'm sorry for- for what I said, Pony!" Johnny said between sobs. I frowned. I pulled him into a hug. "Shh.. It's okay, Johnnycake." I whispered into his ears. That was half of the truth. I was still hurt. I don't know why.