magnetic ◊ criminal minds

lxviii.

lxviii. man hunt
( season seven )

LYRA paced, showing no signs of relenting any time soon. Ororo sat on her couch, watching her movements. "He's not going to try to find you, love," Ororo said softly. Lyra had told her all about encountering Hotch, and frankly she was worried. Worried, about what? That he would find out she worked with Magneto, maybe. Or perhaps her worry was a spark of her desire to see the team again, feelings she had fought hard to keep buried.

Lyra wanted to put her old life behind. There was no use in going back, because now, technically, she was a murderer. It did not matter whether it was the right thing to do or not. There was no returning from her actions. She knew that to be certain.

"What if he does? I'm screwed," Lyra signed.

"Because you have feelings?" Ororo countered. "Lyra, having emotions doesn't make you vulnerable."

"These ones do! Anger, apathy, those are good!"

"Do you hear yourself, love? You sound like your father."

Lyra hesitated only a moment. "Is that so much of a bad thing?" she signed.

Ororo sighed. "Of course not. But what I mean is you don't have to hide from your other emotions. If you miss your friends, that's normal. It just shows you care," she said.

"But I shouldn't! Not after Trask, they- they shouldn't be my friends."

"Why not?" Ororo asked patiently.

Lyra sighed and sat down beside her on the couch, her face in her palms for a moment as she collected herself. "Fuck, I... They didn't want me to kill Trask, but it was Trask! If anyone deserves death, it's him. I was FBI. I could make up any bullshit lie about why he got shot— not that getting shot would be satisfactory. Or! I could've faked his death! Claimed it was an UnSub! But no, I'm supposed to just let him roam free?" she signed rapidly, needing to pause after a moment.

Ororo looked at her. "Beyond Trask, darling. They wanted to do their jobs and stop you from making a mistake by murdering a man, right? So why shouldn't they be your friends?" she prompted.

Lyra hesitated for a minute, sitting in soulless contemplation. "They... they would hate me. Who I am, really am. A suicidal murderer, addict, Magneto's fucking daughter!"

"Would they? Or do you think rather they'd accept you for who you are, just as you had done for them?"

Lyra sighed. "I don't know, 'Ro. My shit's worse. It's always worse," she signed slowly. "It's fine. It's fine, it's always fine."

Ororo frowned. "Ly..."

"It's fine!" Lyra signed again, nodding quickly. Ororo shot her a worried look but said nothing further.

♢

"Hotch, seriously think about this!" Morgan protested, following Hotch through the office. He wanted to reason with him, to protect Lyra. God, he cared about her so much more than he wanted to admit. Sure, he was a bit mad at her for ignoring him all these months since she left, but he understood, to some extent. He needed to help her, still.