All the words I couldn't say

When I saw you happy...

Sometimes I feel so lonely,
Thinking no one loves me as much, not even nearly.

I go on days searching for an answer,
of where, at which point could I have gone wrong.
But I don't find anything,
rather I start listening to some stupid song.

I want to tell you everything, straight, to the point.
But I end up writing poems like these,
doing nothing but making myself disappoint.

I want those days back,
when I used to cry like hell
and then laugh like nothing happened.
Probably because I knew, you always had my back.

I freaking have no idea what I am doing right now.
Am I looking for an answer?
Am I asking you to come back?
Am I waiting for you to come back?
I just don't want these questions to be true anyhow.

My friends know, how much I cried after you left.
They know how, I couldn't stop feeling what I felt.

You left, never said goodbye, or a single sorry.
I was determined to hate you for eternity.

But I don't know where that hatred went,
When I saw you happy.

When I saw you happy,
I couldn't help but smile.
Probably that's how love is,
you care for the person no matter how much they made you cry.

You want to see their happiness,
even if that costs you yours.
You keep waiting for them,
when they've forgotten you for years now.

I want you to know I am writing this for you,
I need you to know how much I am in love with you.
I just can't stand the thought that you and me will never have our ending,
I just can't bear to think who'll hold my hand if it's not you coming.

You've forgotten me,
I can tell this from miles away.
That's cuz if you did remember,
You would've atleast wished me on my birthday.

I wasn't even a friend to you, right?
I am pretty sure of it since that's what my heart says.

My heart says millions of other things,
only that they conflict with my mind.
But this one thought, that you love me,
neither crossed my heart, nor my mind.