Drake died a few days after my birthday. I didn't expect that he will deteriorate so fast. It's the worst heartbreak I ever felt. Literally I lost the man I love without letting him know how much I love him. I kept my mouth shut for all these years that we're together. Now it's too late.
I looked at myself in the mirror. I'm wearing a knee length black dress. I fixed the sleeves and rolled it up to my elbows. I tied my hair on ponytail, just how he likes it. I examined myself as I look in the mirror. I saw the bracelet he gave me that night at the beach. Then I looked at the corner of my mirror. I saw our pictures and it just made me cry as I took one of those.
"I miss you," I muttered as I held the picture close to my chest. Yes it is the worst heartbreak. The unspoken truth about my feelings. I put on my shoes and went downstairs. I started the engine of my car.
I used to think how we met way back in grade school and how far we reach until October 20. I used to reminisce how he seats in the passenger side and sing for me, how he pretends to be asleep so that he can hear me sing out of tune and make fun of me.
I arrived in the cemetery. Aunt Melissa and Uncle Ted were there. Some familiar guests and friends were also there. The priest is standing next to Drake's coffin. The smell of the grass from the morning dew makes the moment have less tension. I sit next to Uncle Ted. I gave them a quick hug. The priest began the ceremony.
"Today we lost a good person...son...friend...colleague..." started the priest.
I was just looking at his brownish coffin with golden colored handles. The white flowers are everywhere. I was holding his picture frame in my hand. I was holding on to it too tight. His parents began to throw white roses from their hand and same with the other guests. I threw mine last. When the ceremony was over, his parents invited me over for lunch together with the other guests.
"Addie, come by the house for lunch..." Aunt Melissa said. I look over my shoulders and smiled.
"I'll just spend some little time with Drake and I'll catch up later," I said politely. I hugged them and they left.I sat next to his tombstone. I gently touch the engraved name on his tomb. I sadly smiled at it. My tears simply fell from the corner of my eyes. I wiped it.
"Are you going to come back?"
"How I wish all these things...all that's happening... are just part of a nightmare..."
"I wanted to see you again...you will forever be miss..."
"I love you Drake..."
A few hours later, I went to their house. I think I am late since Aunt Melissa is starting to clean the dishes. I helped her. I'm hungry but I don't feel like eating. She's quiet. Uncle Ted went upstairs to rest.
"Addie, let's go upstairs...there's something I want to show you..." she said.
"Yes sure..." I responded as I placed the dishes on the dryer.I followed her upstairs. She stopped on the white door at the end of the hallway. She opened the door and let me in.
The room was very neat. The bed was placed in the center against a blue wall. A study table was pushed against the wall and the window was next to it. The books were arranged neatly. The laptop was neatly placed in one corner. The curtain is thick. It has stripped blue design. The cabinet is white and it is beside another white door, perhaps the bathroom.
Aunt Melissa walked across the room towards the study table. She pulled a small hard bound book. Well I thought it was a book. Aunt Melissa handed me the book. It's not a book. It seems like a planner or notebook.
"This is Drake's room, just in case you're wondering..." she said.
"Oh! I didn't know..." I replied. I looked around. His room is really neat. It also has a fresh smell which is very unusual for men.
"I'll leave you here for the meantime Addie," she said. I just nod. I began to remove the knot on the edge of the book and opened it.
It is not really a book. It is a hardbound notebook. More of a diary.I didn't let go of the small notebook. I roamed around his room. Up close I saw his study table. It also has our pictures. Some notes were placed there and it's my hand writing.
Drake and I were friends since 6th grade and today is the first time I ever entered his room. Whenever I come around their house I can only stay in the living room, garden, kitchen and garage but never in his room. I respect that. But he loves to come by my place and sleep in my room most of the time and I'll sleep in my parents' room.
I examined his study table. I checked on the sticky notes. I chuckled silently under my breath and read the funny notes. It's weird that he's still keeping it.
"Good luck on your exams!" one of the note says.
"I hope you'll make it later to the party," another note says.
I looked at the pictures. He, too, has the same set of pictures in his table. He has a picture with me during my 18th birthday, during graduation days from preschool to college, during birthdays, outings. We've been together all our lives. At the age of 25, we parted ways.
I touched my pocket and felt the piece of paper slipped before going to his funeral. It's my eulogy for him. I never got the chance to read it. I'm just keeping it. I never shared it to anyone. Maybe because I don't want to. I didn't read it, though. I just keep it there.
I sat on his bed. I caress the soft linen of his bed. I held the diary. I opened it and began reading it.
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