I haven't seen Addie in her weakest point. She used to be a strong and confident woman not until tonight. The way her eyes looked at me makes me feel like she's in so much pain. When I saw her tears fell from her eyes, it made my knees feel weak. I don't know how to comfort her at this moment and my hands just automatically took her to my arms and gave her the most comforting hug I could ever give. She cried hard. In my mind I suddenly remembered what Dr. Walter told me that she used to be in love with a guy who happens to be her best friend. I don't know what she's thinking at this exact moment but my mind was focus on the name on the tombstone. Drake Bach, born on March 28, 1984 and died on October 20, 2009. I was looking at his name and I don't know why it seems so familiar. I don't know, maybe it's just because of the moment. Maybe he just means so much to Addie.
Addie let go of me. She didn't push me away like how I always imagine it might be. She just gently moved away from my arms. She wiped her tears with the back of her hand like a little girl who just lost in a game.
"I'm sorry about that," she muttered, still her voice was trembling.
"It's ok...are you feeling better now?" I asked. She nod. She sat in front of the tombstone and I joined her there keeping a personal space between us.
"He must have been so important to you..." I started. Well I just don't know how to start a conversation with her. She put her arms around her knees.
"Yes he is...very important..." she said. We sat there in silence. I can hear her sobs. I don't know what to say anymore. I just gave her the moment of silence. She's still grieving for this person who died what 9? 10 years ago.
"I'm sorry Mitchell..." she suddenly said.
"For what?" I asked unknowingly.
"For everything...for my bad attitude, for being stubborn and also for pushing you away," she said. I can feel the sincerity in her voice even if she's not looking at me, even if she's just looking at Drake's grave.
"Now I understand...and it's ok," I said.
"I've been so in love with him all my life and I know it's too much that I can't move on," she said. I just let her do all the talking. Maybe it can help her release whatever is in her chest.
"I lost my parents when I was 17 years old...Drake and his family has been my family ever since. He's been my best friend since 6th grade...and I don't know somewhere along the way I realized that I am starting to fall in love with him. I never told him about it. I don't want to tell him since he might not feel the same way so I just hide it all this time..." she paused.
"Then when I turned 25, he told me he's dying. Funny isn't it? That is his birthday gift to me...telling me he's dying..." she said and she started to cry again.
"5 days after my birthday...he died. After his funeral I found out that he loves me too...from a diary," she said. I was surprised. He's in love with her too...how come he never told her? Damn. What a tragic story...I thought I can only hear stories like this from a movie or novel.
"He said that he's afraid that I might turn away and he doesn't want to lose our friendship that's why he just kept it that way," she said while staring blankly on his grave.
"I was only able to tell him how I feel on the day I rushed him to the hospital. He was unconscious that time and I was whispering to his ears how I feel. I was then bargaining with God if he can just bring Drake back and I will do anything...everything...but he didn't."
"I pursue my dream of being a doctor...to being a neurosurgeon...I kept my heart shut. I focus on my studies and little by little I am becoming of something that I am not..." she said.
"Becoming rude and stubborn," I said accidentally. She looked at me. She's not angry. She just nod.
"I don't want to be like that...but it's the only way that can help me move along every single day," she said. I feel sorry for her.
"I lost my friends because of what I have become. People are afraid of me when in fact I don't want them to feel that way," she said.
"I can tell that," I said. She smiled. "Any nurse, intern or doctor is afraid of you," I said.
"Then how come you're not?" she asked.
She caught me at this. She's looking at me. I tried to look away but she seems to be waiting for an answer. I smiled.
"Because the very first time I saw you I knew you are something else," I said. She waited.
"I first heard about you in a conference held by Dr. Walter in the hospital that I used to work. He mentioned about you...that you're the youngest neurosurgeon he ever knew. I thought it is impossible for a 30 year old woman to become a neurosurgeon when in fact it is a very long practice..." I said. She chuckled.
"Then I searched for your name...you're everywhere in every medical article in this country. Then I saw your picture in the internet. I told myself you are pretty young for a neurosurgeon...then I received an invitation from Dr. Walter to work in that hospital, he said he will introduce me to you...so I thought it'll be a great opportunity..." I said.
"You're still not answering my question," she said. I laughed and she waited.
"Well, Addie...it's because I like you. How can I be afraid of someone that I like, right?" I said. She move away from my gaze. She looked again at the grave.
"When I saw you for the first time in that meeting room, you just took my breath away. Even if you're not smiling...even if you scolded me on our first day..." I said and I heard her laugh.
"I am still not going anywhere...it's just that I really find it hard to have a solo time with you. Because you are always avoiding me," I said.
"That's why I took the opportunity after Tommy's operation...and I am taking this opportunity again...in front of Drake's grave...in front of the man whom you once loved..." I began. She looked at me while her head is resting on her knees.
"Drake, buddy...I would like to ask your permission if I can take good care of Addie this time?" I said. Addie's eyes were blinking. She's looking at me nervously.
"What are you doing?" she asked suddenly sitting up straight.
"Can I take care of you? Can you be my girlfriend?" I asked honestly.
---000---
