Gates of Fire And Gold

Chapter 45

It's all over the media. I missed it because I've been staying off my phone and abstaining from t.v. But now I immerse myself in the headlines.

THE KING TAKES A QUEEN!

the internet screams. Everyone has well wishes for the happy couple. And the critics starts ripping me apart again. People say I was just a stepping stone for Khan to the "real deal"; that he's tired of dating "classless women" and "little girls".

Is that how they all saw me?

The sadness starts to sink in again.

I go see Dolores. I tell her about the engagement and the demons returning.

She tells me about her "secret weapon".

"It's called the Ho'oponopono Prayer," she says with a serious look. "To recite it is to take responsibility for the role you have played in creating a certain situation - to recognize that you have indeed played some sort of role. Even if you do not yet understand what that role is."

She tells me the prayer is powerful enough to transform any situation or any relationship - no matter how bad it might be. All I have to do is think of the person I want to say it to, and recite the prayer in my mind.

She tells me to do it as many times as I need to, for as many people and things as I need to.

So I go home.

I eat a late dinner.

Then I go down to our heated indoor pool to relax. I swim back and forth a couple of times.

I don't know why I'm stalling.

Finally, I stop swimming. I sit on one of the pool's steps, the water up to my chest, and take a deep breath. I start reciting.

"Khan, I love you. I'm sorry; please forgive me. Thank you. Havannah, I love you. I'm sorry; please forgive me. Thank you. Salem, I love you. I'm sorry; please forgive me. Thank you."

I continue to recite it. Over and over. Sometimes repeating names. I recite it for my fanbase. I recite it for my family members. I recite it for some of the people I went to school with - like Emma and Whitnee and Cole. I even recite it for my bank account.

I take another deep breath. I feel cleansed. I close my eyes and continue reciting.

"Ida," I say softly, "I love you. I'm sorry; please forgive me. Thank you."

Then I recite it for the son. I recite it for the people who were in the car that night.

I just sit there in the water for a couple of minutes. Eyes closed. Hand on my heart, feeling it beat.

It starts beating faster even before I hear him speak.

"Mind if I join you?"