𝐈 𝐃𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐘𝐨𝐮

Jonesy

  I hated what I said to Althea. I knew I had to say it but it didn't make it any more enjoyable or easy. I watched the various range of emotions cross her face as my words sunk in and I felt like kicking myself in the head.

  I knew if I agreed to her offer, I would be the one hurt and I didn't like the idea of my time being wasted. What if she never did end things with Aiden? What if she never came out to her parents?

  Would the only moments we ever share be spent in bathrooms and behind closed doors?

  I didn't want to have to go back into the closet, even though I never technically been there in the first place. All of the secrets and hiding didn't sound like much fun.

  I liked to be open about who I was with. I liked everyone knowing that this person was with me; she was mine and I was hers. I didn't want to have to pretend we were simply friends in public.

  I didn't like walking away from her, she was everything I wanted. She was what I knew I needed. She was good and kind, stubborn and a little rough around the edges, but the way she looked at me. The way she said my name and cleaned my cuts and bruises.

  I knew if I didn't walk away, I would just be pulled into a position and place I never wanted to be in. So I left, and it felt as if I was leaving a piece of my heart in that kitchen.

  Even in the short time I had known her, I had grown so accustomed to the eccentric person that was Althea Beckett.

  I had grown used to the pink and the bows, the feminine smelling perfumes, the lace and the frills. I had grown used to her overbearing bossiness and even came to enjoy her condescending gazes and tones when I said something sarcastic.

  I had gone into this whole roommate thing promising myself, and my friends, that I wouldn't hookup with any figure skaters. I had sworn them off completely, because nothing good had ever come from being involved with them. I had tried hard, maybe not hard enough though, because now I couldn't even get the thought of her out of my head.

Was I falling for her? I knew there were sexual feelings between us, but I never anticipated there to be any romantic ones. I thought of all those times my blood had started to boil at the sight of her and Aiden together, all those times he would tuck her hair behind her ear, or kiss her cheek.

  All those times she had been looking at me. Did she actually feel the same way? Was this killing her as much as it was killing me?

  She had been ready to end things with Aiden in an instant if I gave her the word, but I didn't want that. I didn't want to be her back up plan, her second choice. I also didn't want her to come out just for me, that was something so deep and personal, I couldn't have that on my hands.

"Hey, Jones, can I talk to you?" Daria's voice interrupted all thoughts of Althea and I looked up to see her standing with her guitar slung across her chest, her face a little pale.

"Yeah, what's up." We hadn't spoken to each other since Gemma's party three days ago, which was the longest any of us had ever gone without speaking. I always did hate the silent treatment.

"I wanted to apologize for how I behaved and all those things I said at Game Night." She shuffled her feet, her fingers wrapped tightly around the neck of her instrument.

  "I was going through something that night and I was drunk and angry. I had no right to say all those things to you, or assume that you and Althea were hooking up."

  She let out a deep breath and met my eyes. "You're one of my best friends, Jones, and you didn't deserve that. Besides, you were right. Hooking up with Justice would've been a very bad idea."

  I rose from my crouched position on the stage floor where I had been plugging in my own guitar. "It's fine, Dar. I knew you were drunk and I know better than to take anything drunk you says personally."

I had spent a good portion of my friendship with Daria ignoring the things she said when she was drunk. Out of everyone in the group, she had the sharpest tongue and was quick with a snarky comment, even if it was directed towards one of us.