𝐈 𝐃𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐘𝐨𝐮

Althea

Dinner was a success and both my heart and stomach were full. I had always imagined what a happy Thanksgiving would feel like; a holiday without bickering, the slamming of doors, or the crying.
  Flashbacks from last year's Thanksgiving briefly flooded my mind. I had been home from Priestley, the private college that both my parents had graduated from
  My mother had brought up the fact that I had less credits than she and my dad had when they were my age, and since I had all of this extra time that I spent figure skating, I should be using it to take up more classes.
  My father sat at the head of the table in silence, the way he had always done every time my mother raised her voice. I didn't like to think of him as a coward, but after twenty-five years of marriage, you would think one would learn to stand up for their children.
  Lavinia had tried to cut our mother off by changing the subject and she turned her anger towards her. She brought up how Vinny wasn't smart enough, and that if she stopped partying every weekend, she would be valedictorian.
  "You spend all this time running around with boys and drinking alcohol on your weekends, when you should be spending time working towards an internship." Mom had said, her wine glass in hand.
  It had been her third one of the night and I had thought it sort of ironic that she was speaking on Vinny's drinking when she herself loved wine more than her children.
  "And you-" she turned to me again. "You haven't been seen with a man since-since what was his name? That little fiance of yours that you broke up with? Rather abruptly, I might add."
  She took another sip. "We're not even sure you even like men!" There was laughter in her voice. "I mean, you let a man as good as him, just slip through your fingers." She clenched her hand into a fist. "You should've at least found someone better to replace him."
  My ex fiance, Davis Rosenbaum, had been the picture perfect man. He had come from a good and wealthy family, had all the right connections and was set to take over his father's oil company.
  Our parents had pushed us together for years, and then suddenly, we were together, and then engaged. And then I ended things with him. I had told him I wanted to focus on my career as a figure skater and that I didn't want marriage and a family to ruin my chances of becoming an Olympic champion before I even had the chance to try.
  Those had all been true, but the real reason, the reason I was too scared to tell anyone, was that I didn't feel comfortable with him. Yes, physically we made a great couple, but there were no emotional or romantic feelings on my part.
  The entire time I was with him, I felt as if something was missing. I kept thinking that something was wrong with me, with us. I could smile for my parents and hold his hand in public, but the moment we were alone, I couldn't bear to be with him.
  The night I had ended things with him, my roommate invited me to a party with some of her friends. And that's when I met her.
  Blake Kensington was a year ahead of me and perfect. Perfect grades, perfect smile, perfect hair. All of the boys, ranging from freshman to senior, wanted a chance with her, but she never seemed interested.
  We had one class together and I sat behind her. She had always looked as if she had stepped off the set of a Hollywood film with her dark hair and clear milky skin.
  We had been in line for the bathroom when I finally had the guts to speak to her. I had had about $25 worth of $3 margaritas and the adrenaline was flowing.
  "I like the shade of your lip...stick." I blurted out, failing to realize that she was in fact not wearing any. Her lips were just the perfect shade of red. Naturally.
  Of course Blake Kensington would have the perfect lips.
  Blake hadn't missed a beat. "Thank you, baby." Her voice held a comforting southern twang in it that made the inside of my throat tingle.
  I wonder what those lips taste like. The thought had shocked me and yet I thought it again and again. I thought it the entire time she spoke to me. What did the lips of Blake Kensington taste like?
  "We're in econ together, aren't we?" Blake was saying, looking me up and down. The corner of her mouth flipped up when our eyes met as if she knew something about me, some dark secret I didn't want anyone to know.
  I nodded, trying to get past the fact that Blake freaking Kensington was checking me out. Checking me out? Was she even interested in girls? Was I?
  "Yes, I sit behind you." I was having trouble forming a full sentence which was new to me. I was usually more articulate than this.
  She nodded, her dark ponytail bobbing ferociously. "Professor Mitchell is such a bore."
  "Absolutely." 
  The door to the bathroom opened and a couple walked out, the red lipstick on the girl's mouth matched the stain on the man's neck and she giggled.
  Blake clucked her tongue softly as they passed by us. "Emerson Bailey, hooking up with someone she shouldn't." She moved towards the bathroom and turned to me. "You coming?" She motioned with her head for me to follow her and I swallowed. Hard.
  The details between entering the bathroom with Blake and the moment our lips met are pretty hazy. All I could remember was how she made me feel.
  It was as if years of confusion had suddenly vanished. This had been the feeling I had been searching for, the one I couldn't find with Davis. My whole entire body came alive and my heart felt as if it might lurch out from behind my ribcage.
  This! This! This! This is what I wanted, what I craved. This was what I had needed; to be in the arms of another woman, to feel her soft fingers graze my skin, to breathe in the scent of her skin.
  I knew then and there that I would not be happy with Davis; no amount of his money or status could ever compare to this moment with Blake. Nothing with him would ever compare to this feeling.
  Blake and I continued to see each other in secret. Stolen kisses in party bathrooms, prolonged study sessions in her dorm room. Neither of us knew what we were looking for, and it didn't matter.
  I wanted to cling to that feeling for as long as I could. I was content. I was happy.
  My mother had taken notice of the sudden change in my behavior and attitude, and maybe that's why she had felt the need to send Matteo to spy on me. She hadn't been able to figure out what had brought me such happiness last year and was now bent on learning my secret.
  But Jonesy wasn't a secret, not in the way Blake had been. I didn't know what I had wanted then, but I did now. I wanted her. All of her. I wanted everything with her.
  I just wanted to savor these moments before my mother inevitably pushed her rain cloud over my parade.
  I looked around the table at my new friends, each one had a large smile on their face, even Daria. Alcohol had been consumed, food had been eaten, and laughter had been shared.
  I wanted to capture this moment and keep it in a box under my bed to take out and look back on. I knew once I shared my relationship with my parents, things with them would never be the same between us.
But this? This I would always have. This group of friends, these people, tonight. I wanted to stay here forever.