𝐈 𝐃𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐘𝐨𝐮

Jonesy

I didn't like the look of sympathy in Althea's eyes after I finished telling her about Amaiah's death. It was the way everyone had looked at me for almost two years. They looked at me as if I was something fragile, like I was going to break at any second.
  In the first few months following her death, I just hadn't wanted to be seen at all. I didn't want anyone to ask me if I was okay, I didn't want anyone to check on me; I had hardly left my dormitory which caused me to get behind on all my classes. I had to retake a semester because of how bad it had gotten.
  My behavior had affected not only my class performance but also my sports performance. I had so much pent up anger which led me to get into many bar fights, and then there was last year's championship game against Priestley. Which we drastically lost. Because of me.
  Althea was still straddling my hips and she ran her thumb against my skin gently. "You know it wasn't your fault, right?"
  I sniffed and ran a hand down my face. "That's what everyone has been telling me for the past three years. 'It wasn't your fault.' 'It was an accident.' 'There wasn't anything you could've done to prevent it.' It's always the same thing."
  I inhaled, placing my hands over her hips. She wore strawberry print panties and one of my oversized tees. Well, oversized on her. I could see the faint outline of her nipples peeking through the material. She had pulled her hair up and under a pink satin bonnet and there were several star pimple patches across her face.
  She was so fucking beautiful. Except for that stupid look of pity in her eyes.
  "Stop looking at me like that."
  "Like what?"
  "Like I'm a puppy who just got its tail stepped on."
  Althea sighed and placed a hand on my cheek. "You're not, Jonesy. You're a girl who lost someone extremely important to you in a cruel and gruesome way. Amaiah was on her way to you and you feel as if you hadn't called she would still be here. You can't help but feel guilty, but I need you to know that you're not."
  She was right, of course. I had been carrying around so much guilt and it wasn't healthy. I knew I was still hurting;  no matter how brave of a face I put on, I was still in so much pain.
  And I would probably be in pain for the rest of my life.
  "It's okay to be hurting; the healing process isn't linear." Althea continued to gently caress my skin. "No one is asking you to heal quickly, take your time. I'll be here."
  She smiled softly. "I told you I wanted to be here for every bruised knuckle and split lip, so if you ever get into any more fights, I'll patch you up."
  I laughed, taking her hands and holding them above my head. "How about we stop all of this talking?"
  Her mouth found mine and my hands moved to cup her ass. I didn't want to think about Amaiah anymore, at least not right now. I didn't like the idea of having to relive her death every time I told someone about her, but Althea had needed to know.
  She needed to understand why I was the way I was.
  Althea cupped my face and smiled into our kiss. "Well, I like the sound of that."
  I smiled back. "I love the sound of you."

***

  I inhaled, adrenaline pumping through my veins. I was antsy and eager to get on the ice. I could hear the sound of the P.A. and the roar of the crowd echoing through the hall and down to the locker room.
  "I'm so stoked," Bela said, pulling on her gear. "I can't wait to grind them into dust, or ice."
  "I can't wait to see that stupid smirk leave Blake's disgustingly pretty face when we win." Daria chimed in from her spot on the bench.
  I felt my jaw automatically tighten at the sound of Blake's name. I still could not seriously believe that the first girl my girlfriend had ever made out with just so happened to be a nemesis of mine.
  The universe was playing a sick fucking joke and was really enjoying it.
  "Why are you so quiet? Usually you would be cracking a joke or giving us some extremely long pep talk right about now." Bela gave me a quick once over, trying to see if there was anything physically wrong with me.
  I shook my head and pulled on my shoulder pads. "Althea's parents flew in today and she thought it would be best if they didn't meet me until after her performance." I worked my jaw again.
  Althea had been acting strange ever since we had gotten back from Waverly's this morning. She blamed it on stage fright and performance anxiety, but I could tell there was something else going on.
  She was doing that again. It had happened at the airport; something would happen and she didn't feel as if she could come and talk to me about it, so she would shut down and shut me out.
  I just wanted to tell her that in the same way she wanted to be by my side while I grieved Amaiah, I wanted to be there for her. No matter what was going on, I just wanted her to feel as if she could talk to me. That she could trust me.
  Daria snorted. "Are you going to try and make it to her show tonight?"
  I nodded again. "Yeah, the game is supposed to end at 8:00 and her show starts at 8:30, so we should be able to make it in time."
  My friends froze. "We? Who said anything about we?"
  "I mean, Gemma is Bela's sister, so I understand her need to go but I'm not going." Daria stuffed her bag into her locker. "I don't do...ice skating shit. No offense to your girlfriend or your sister."
  Bela gave me the same look as Daria. "And as much as I love my sister, I do not plan on spending a Friday night win in that freezing auditorium. It's one thing to be playing on the ice and having all of this adrenaline pumping through you and then there's sitting on the ice cold benches wishing you were somewhere else."
  She strapped her mouth guard to her helmet. "Looks like you get to face the politician and his wife alone."
  My jaw dropped and I threw my hands up. "There's no way you guys are making me meet those people by myself."
  "Those people," Daria laughed. "That tells me all I need to know about Mr. and Mrs. Beckett." She gave my shoulder a tight squeeze as the buzzer sounded, signaling us to enter the rink.
  "You're on your own on this one, Claypoole."

***

  Priestley didn't know what hit them. Granted the score wasn't as high as I would've liked, but we beat them nonetheless. This meant we were back on track to play in the championship game in March.
  My team was ecstatic and as one of their co-captains, I felt an overwhelming sense of pride. The sports journalists were calling the Maybanks Serpents "the team to watch out for."
  "Good game." Blake Kensington gave me a tight lipped smile and held out her hand. I gave it a squeeze and gave her a quick look over.
  I had never had a reason to "check her out" since she wasn't necessarily my type, but I was interested in seeing what about her had caught Althea's eye. Blake was pretty, if you were into that old money Hollywood kind of beauty. She did have large teeth and a mole above her lip; and even with her hair pulled back, I could tell it was styled perfectly.
  "Good game," I mumbled back, quickly dropping her hand to shake her teammate's hand. It felt wrong, touching her. Was it jealousy? Was I jealous that she had had Althea before me?
  Blake seemed to be giving me the same once over look that I had given her. She snorted softly and there was an odd look on her face that went away as I dropped her hand.
  As soon as we were finished shaking hands, I headed towards Althea's Nutcracker performance. It was being held at some fancy professional rink across town.
  I felt my anxiety twisting my stomach into knots as I waited in the steady flow of traffic. Parking was a nightmare; I ended up parking across the street to avoid having to pay and just walked over.
  I texted Althea a few words of encouragement and asked where her parents were sitting. She responded to only one of those texts.
 
  Beckett: My parents weren't able to save you a seat, my sister decided to come last minute, so you will have to sit somewhere else. I'm sorry.

  The feeling in my gut didn't go away as I read the message. It was short and straight to the point, none of her usual sarcasm was even hinted in the text.
  Maybe she just wanted to be there when we were introduced. Especially since I was the first girl they'd meet.
  Shaking the worry from my head, I headed towards the concessions stand and ordered my usual large Coke and a thing of popcorn. I just barely managed to find a seat in time as the auditorium lights began to dim. Soon the first notes of the Nutcracker began.