𝐈 𝐃𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐘𝐨𝐮

Althea

After dinner, Jonesy declared that she, Daria, and Bela were on cleanup duty. The others dispersed to their sleeping areas inside the cabin while I joined Gemma on the porch.
  I found her sitting on the floor, her knees pulled up to her chest, a large blanket wrapped around her shoulders. The smell of marijuana hit me like a truck, bringing back flashbacks of my freshman and sophomore years of high school.
  "Jesus, Gemma." I sat beside her, pulling my own knees up to my chest. "I didn't know you smoked."
  Gemma lazily looked over at me and a wide smile broke across her face. "Althea!" She looked down at the joint between her fingers and shrugged. "It's medicinal, see I busted my hip a few months ago and the doctor prescribed me some for the pain. Coach knows about it and I only take it when I desperately need it."
  Made sense. "Are you in much pain?"
  Gemma shook her head. "The pain is manageable, honestly. I just need to mellow out." She held it out to me. "Do you want-"
  "No, thank you. I stopped smoking once I knew I could make a career out of skating." I smiled slightly as she took another hit.
  "So, we haven't talked about it." Her eyes narrowed at the look of confusion on my face. "The airport, that dreamy French guy.
  My stomach twisted at the mention of him and I could feel my lips pull themselves back into a sneer. "Matteo, my mother's spy."
  Gemma's eyes widened. "Your mother has spies?"
  "Not literally," I laughed. "But in a sense, yeah. She likes to keep tabs on me and the things I've been doing. The people I've been seeing."
  "That's why he was asking about Jonesy."
  I nodded. "She doesn't know. Well, she knows there's someone, she just doesn't know that it's Jonesy."
  "Or that Jonesy's a girl." Gemma finished my sentence, her smile turning into a frown. "Oh, Thea."
  I inhaled deeply, running my hands up and down my sweatpants. "I told Jonesy, when we finally got together, that I would tell my parents about her and I would finally come out of the closet, publicly. But my parents, my mother specifically, has a habit of ruining every good thing to ever happen to me.
  "I don't want things to change, I don't me being a lesbian to become my entire identity. I don't want my parents to look at me and only see me for who I love."
  I ran a hand across my face and exhaled, a sob threatening to fight its way out. "I'm already a woman of color in a sport that is so heavily dominated by people who don't look like me, as you well know since you're also a woman of color. To have to add "lesbian" to that, sounds like a nightmare."
  "Oh, Thea," was all Gemma said before resting her head on my shoulder. We sat like that in silence for a few minutes and I soaked in her silent comfort.
  "I'm scared, Gem. I'm so scared that my parents may never speak to me again. I'm scared that my relationship with a girl will be the first and only thing people think of when they see or hear about me."
  A sob wracked against my chest. "I don't know what to do."
  "I think you know what you need to do, Thea." Gemma's voice was soft by my side. "You're not in a relationship with just a girl. You're in a relationship with Jonesy, and I know her. She is my friend, my sister's best friend. You can't keep her a secret; she won't allow it and neither will I."
  She sighed sadly. "You either tell your parents about her, or you cut her loose." She sat up straight and looked me in the eye. "I know this isn't what you want to hear, but it's what you need."
  Gemma raised a brow and I inhaled deeply again, readying myself for the worst. "Jonesy deserves your all, you can't have one foot in this relationship with her and one foot in your perfect relationship with your parents."
  I snorted. My relationship with my parents was anything but perfect. But she was right and I hated how right she was.
  I couldn't keep trying to appease and live up to their expectations if I wanted to fully commit myself to Jonesy. She didn't deserve half of me. My parents didn't either.  If they couldn't love all of me, they shouldn't be able to get all of me.
  "Jonesy is one of the most caring, loving, wonderful people I have ever met." Gemma continued. "The entire world has done her so fucking dirty." Her eyes fell to her hands and lowered her voice.
  "I probably shouldn't be saying any of this, but if it helps you figure out what your next step should be, then she'll just have to forgive me later."
  I stuck my hands into the pockets of my hoodie and straightened my back against the side of the cabin, anticipation building in my stomach. "Okay, well now you have to tell me."
  Gemma looked up anxiously. "You just have to swear you won't tell Jonesy I told you. Promise?"
  "Yeah, of course. I-I promise."
  She took a deep breath and lowered her gaze back to her hands. "Jonesy's last girlfriend, like her last actual girlfriend, died in a freak car accident a few years ago. It fucked her up really bad, and she threw herself into short term relationship after short term relationship; none of them ever did her any good, but we knew she just wanted to shut everything out. She just wanted something to help her not think about her. Amaih, that was her name.
  "The last two girls she "dated" only wanted to experiment; they didn't want a real relationship, at least not with a girl. They both cheated on her with guys from the men's hockey team, they were figure skaters, you see."
  So that's why she was so apprehensive about being with me at first. I fidgeted with the sleeve of my hoodie and chewed on my bottom lip.
  "Being cheated on twice in a row also fucked her up and caused her team to lose their last game of the season last year, and she's been kicking herself in the head for it since then. They lost the tally against Jensen's team and the seniors who played last year didn't go to the championship game."
  Gemma held her hand out from the cover of the roof, catching tiny snowflakes in her palm. "She blames herself, as does most of the team, but we try to tell her not to let it get the best of her. This is her redemption year."
  I swallowed, taking in and mulling over this new information. It was as if I was seeing a whole new facet of the person that was Jonesy Claypoole.
  "She swore off figure skaters, stating they were just as bad as cheerleaders and that nothing good ever comes from dating one."
  Ouch. I winced and shuffled my feet. I didn't realize she had felt that strongly against "girls like me."
  Gemma nudged my foot with her own. "That is what she thought, until she met you." She gave me a smile that quickly spread across her entire face. "You light up her whole entire world; I've seen the way she looks at you, talks to you, talks about you. She's never seemed so alive before, except for when she's on the ice.
  "Ever since Amiah died, she's only loved one thing. Hockey. And then you came into her life and it's like she sees that she is capable of loving something-someone- else."
  My face burned and my heart pounded rapidly, I couldn't contain my own smile. Was I really the first person she's let herself love since Amiah? Did she actually love me?
  "Really?"
  "God, yes! She's careful with you, she doesn't want to ruin what you two have by saying or doing something stupid. I think she's really scared to lose you, and I think if she does, she'll go to a place that is really hard to come back from."
  Gemma took my hand, the coldness of them stung against my warmer ones. "You've been good for her, and I would hate for her to not have you, but this means you have to choose, Thea. It's not fair to her and I can't imagine it's been very fun for you; keeping your relationship secret from the ones who are supposed to love you unconditionally."
  I nodded and gave her fingers a light squeeze. "Thank you for telling me." With the palm of my other hand, I wiped a stray tear from my eye. "You were right, that was what I needed to hear."
  The other girl threw her arms across my shoulders and chest, hugging me tight. "Ugh, thank God, that's what friends are for."
  I wrapped my arms around my friend, finding comfort in her typically overbearing presence. I knew what I needed to do, what I wanted to do. I had begun to see Jonesy so much more clearly now; behind the facade of her tough girl act and nonchalant attitude, there was a girl who just wanted to not get hurt again.
  And I would be damned if I was the one to hurt her.
  The sound of the sliding glass door opening and the shuffling of multiple pairs of feet broke our embrace and Gemma and I stared up into the faces of our friends. They were each wrapped in blankets and several coats and sweaters; Justice looked as if he had three pairs of socks on.
  "What are you guys doing out here?" Gemma asked.
  "Well, we fly home tomorrow morning and none of us could sleep." Sterling answered. "We wanted to make the most of the time we have together, before we go back to school life, sports competitions, and family drama."
  "I was going to start a fire in the pit," Bela chimed in from her girlfriend's side.
  "I found marshmallows!" Justice eagerly held up his bag of marshmallows that had no doubt been in the cupboard since our last ski trip. A year ago. But I didn't have the heart to tell him that, besides, did marshmallows actually ever go bad?
  "OOOUUUHH! I love s'mores, did you find any chocolate?" Gemma bolted to her feet and was at Justice's side in two quick strides. The pair went off to the pantry in search of all of the necessary ingredients for s'mores, while the rest of the group headed to the pit to start the fire.
  Jonesy held a hand down to help me up and I gratefully accepted it, interlocking our fingers together.
  "What were you and Gemma talking about? I looked for you everywhere and couldn't find you." Her eyes were anxious and there was a slight crease between her brows.
  I nudged myself closer to her and smiled. "Just girl talk, everything's fine. Everything's perfect."