𝐈 𝐃𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐘𝐨𝐮

Althea

I felt sick. Sick to my stomach and toss my head into the toilet kind of sick.
  "It's just your parents, Thea," I said to myself in the mirror. "You're just going to tell them you're gay, it's not that hard." I plastered a smile to my face and stuck my hand out like I was shaking my dad's hand.
  "Hi, Mom and Dad, thanks for coming all this way to watch me skate, oh! And by the way, I'm dating one of the team captains of one of the women's hockey teams! That's right! I like girls!" My smile disappeared and I cringed, both inwardly and outwardly. "Fuck!"
  I splashed some cold water onto my face before running a towel across my skin. The water did nothing to calm my nerves and the nauseous feeling in the pit of my stomach did not go away.
  Why did I wait this long to tell them? I should've just listened to Matteo and told them right away.
I walked out of the bathroom and back into the bed where Jonesy was still sleeping. She slept on her back with one hand over her heart and the other strewn across where I had been. I smiled as she twitched in her sleep, moving her arm across the bed, searching for me.
  Upon finding my spot empty, she frowned and cracked open an eye. "Babe, come back." She groaned, rolling over onto her side. "We still have plenty of time before we have to leave."
  "I heard they served really good breakfast food here." I crawled back into bed and kissed the top of her head. I slipped under her arm and she gently ran her fingers under my shirt and up my bare skin.
  "Let's just order room service again." She turned her head to me before tucking it under my shirt. "It would give me more time to do...other things."
  I shrieked as her breath tickled my belly and I felt the warm brush of her lips. "Jonesy! It's about an hour's drive back to campus."
  I heard a groan from under my shirt and laughed. Jonesy pulled herself up until her head rested on my chest and her body atop mine.
  "Why don't we just stay here forever? We never have to leave this bed or this room." She planted a kiss on my breast, her teeth gently nipping the soft skin. I bit my bottom lip before pulling down the collar of my shirt. She raised her eyes to meet mine, my boob still between her teeth.
  "We have to. You have your game today and I have the Nutcracker and then we have dinner with my parents."
  She rolled her eyes and released my boob. Pulling her head out from under my shirt, she sat up. "That doesn't sound nearly as fun as staying here." She leaned forward and kissed me. "Just the two of us."
  I ran a hand through her bed head, my mouth working against hers. After a minute or two we pulled away, Jonesy's eyes sparkling. I might have told her she was hottest when she was between my thighs but she was prettiest when she was first waking up.
  When she was all sleep lines and flushed cheeks. When her eyes were first adjusting to the daylight and she was blinking away sleep. When her first smile of the day came from looking at me.
  I inhaled deeply and ran my thumb across her forehead. "I know, I know, I know. But this is important, this will put your team back on the map and on track for the championship game this March. And this day is one of the most important days of my figure skating career."
  Jonesy sighed dramatically, rolling her eyes. "Fine, I guess we will go back to our adult responsibilities."
  I giggled at her sarcasm. "That doesn't mean we can't waste a few more minutes." I wrapped my arms back around her neck, pulling her down on top of me. "I'm pretty sure their room service breakfast is phenomenal."

***

  "Alright, tonight is the first night of our four week Nutcracker performance. I sent out an email packet with all the nights and arenas we will be performing in last week. Please make sure you read through it and plan accordingly." Coach Bentley walked around the large room, her clipboard held out in front of her.
  After pre show announcements, it was finally time to begin. The trees skated into position as the first notes of music began and the lights dimmed.
  The moment my skates touched down on the ice, the world silenced. All thoughts of my parents suddenly disappeared as my brain focused on one thing. I could more than likely do this routine in my sleep having practiced more times than I could count. It had become second nature to me, each and every move sketched into my mind.
  I felt the slight pressure of Aiden's hand around my waist and my skates left the ground. We spun in an elegant circle before being interrupted by the Mouse King. The crowd "oooohed" and "aaaahed," several clapping quietly.
  Out of the corner of my eye I saw Jonesy's face in the middle of the crowd. I smiled slightly before my stomach dropped. Sitting two rows behind her were my parents with Vinny. They were sitting so close to each other, yet didn't realize the other was present.
  "Fuck." I heard Aiden swear under his breath. The sight of my parents had ruined my focus and my foot wobbled, almost tripping over Aiden. It was a small accident, no one would've noticed it unless you were an avid enjoyer of the sport. But I knew Coach would reprimand me for it.
  "I'm sorry," I whispered back, the image of my parents burrowing itself deep into my memory. My father tried his best to seem interested while my mother was craning her neck, no doubt trying to catch a glimpse of something suspicious.
  The moment we ended our set, the crowd rose to their feet, applause ringing off the walls. Aiden held me by my waist, tucking me into his side. He must know I wanted to leave.
  I spotted Jonesy's face in the midst of the crowd, she was pushing her way through the mass of people. It took me a minute to realize that she was in fact making her way down towards me.
  No, no, no. I knew what she was doing. This couldn't be happening. It wasn't supposed to go this way.
  I waved my hand, trying to tell her to stay there, but she must've taken that as me telling her to move faster. She hoisted herself over the railing of the rink, as were many other people.
  I felt stuck. The air was getting thinner and Aiden's grip on me tightened. I couldn't breathe. It wasn't until Jonesy was standing in front of me that he released his hold on my body.
  She covered me in a fierce hug, quite literally sweeping me off my feet. "That was amazing!" Her face broke into a smile and I forced one back.
  Directly behind her, my parents had gotten to their feet and even from almost a hundred feet away, I could still feel my mother's cold glare. I silently begged for Jones to put down, and for the first time since meeting her, I hoped she wouldn't kiss me.
  But she did and my stomach did a flip. She kissed me in front of thousands of people, telling the entire crowd that I was hers and she was mine. She kissed me in front of my parents.
  My body went limp and I pulled myself away from her, my hand moving to my lips. I was breathless, my chest heaved and my heart was in my throat. It shattered at the look of confusion on her face.
  My eyes stared past her at my parents; my mother had a hand to her chest and her jaw was slack. My father had his hand on her shoulder and seemed as if he was trying to console her.
  "Althea?" Jonesy spoke my name so gently and my gaze faltered for a moment.
  "I-I..." I didn't have the words. In the split second I had taken my eyes off my parents to look at Jonesy, they had disappeared into the moving throng of people. "No!" I blurted out and Jonesy's eyes turned to where my eyes were staring.
  She must've caught a glimpse of them because the look she gave me as the realization set in made my stomach twist again. The color in her face was completely drained and her brows were pulled together in confusion and horror.
  "Don't tell me you didn't...and that I just-" Her voice cracked painfully. "But you told me..."She made an O shape with her mouth and scoffed as she shook her head. "You know what, it's fine, Beckett. I can't do this, I don't have room in my life for liars."
  I felt the broken pieces of my heart crack again, as if that was even possible. The pain I felt in my chest was nothing compared to the pain that was drawn across her face.
  I wanted to go to her, to tell her it was okay. Tell her I was sorry, I fucked up but I could fix this. But I also had to find my parents. I needed to tell them that this was who I was. That Jonesy was the one I wanted to be with.
  She was the one I wanted to love and be loved by.
  But things had fallen apart right in front of my face. Jonesy was walking away, the tips of her ears bright red with embarrassment. She was embarrassed. Embarrassed to have trusted me. Embarrassed to have kissed me in front of over a thousand people and to not have been kissed back.
  Embarrassed of me.
  Her words had been cold but that was nothing compared to the look in her eyes. The look that felt so betrayed. The look that said she didn't even want to hear my explanation.
  I stood there on the ice; Jonesy walking in one direction, my parents going in the other. I was torn. I didn't know who to go to first.
  I knew someone like Jonesy wouldn't come around twice in my lifetime. Someone so bold and strong yet capable of showing the most vulnerable side of her. She trusted me with that side of her.
  I had to find a way to make this right; I needed to show her that it wasn't how it looked. But telling her all of that would mean nothing if my parents didn't know how I felt. It would all be pointless if I didn't tell them I wasn't afraid of them anymore. Tell them that I wasn't afraid of their disapproval.
  But all I could do was stand there. I turned to Aiden, hoping to find by my side, but he too had disappeared amongst the rapidly dispersing crowd.
  For the first time in a long time, I felt completely alone, with no one but myself to blame.