Mosaic Broken Hearts

Old Habits

It only took two mornings waking up with Lizzie wrapped in my arms molding my body to fit her shape. Three mornings later and I'm still trying to train my body to not seek her touch. It's Thursday afternoon and here I am thinking about her like I don't have enough schoolwork to deal with.

Lately, it's been very hot and cold with her, more than usual. It feels like we take two steps forward and six steps back. Except before she would only speak to me when she was alone with me, now she does her damn hardest to ignore me when we're left alone. It's not often but she makes sure I know she has no intentions of speaking to me.

Even in World History she's been ignoring me throughout the class. I know she's acting this way after the kiss we shared Monday night and to be honest I don't really know how to feel about that. We were both stone cold sober, but she asked me to kiss her. She asked me to so why am I being punished for that? She kissed me like she never wanted the night to end.

I have tried to work out the thoughts behind her pretty little mind but failed every single time. I can't even decipher my own thoughts behind the kiss. I mean yes, she asked but I could have said no, simple as that. Except that it's not that simple, there are so many layers to it and I cannot be left alone to dwell on them, it would drive me up a wall. 

Kimberley has tried her best to be the intermediary, but she gets shut down by her friend. I don't say anything, I never do. I just sit back and listen, not because I don't care. But because I would probably make things worse and I do not perform well under pressure, at least in social situations.

I have instead thrown myself at a distraction with a first and last name. Olivia Cedar.

Since Monday during lunch, she has made it her first priority to flirt with me. At the beginning it was weird but the more she did it, the more I liked it and I was wrapped up in the fun. The flirting is so bad and obnoxious that even the rest of the girls have chipped in making it as awkward as possible.

I've figured out that Ollie doesn't back down from a challenge and Cheryl being Cheryl has taken things a little too far, or so I thought. There have been so many kisses stolen by Ollie that I stopped counting and caring to hold back. The second day I was the one starting the kisses, but my body only wanted them when I knew Lizzie was nearby.

Maybe because I wanted her to see that sharing a small innocent kiss with a friend isn't a big deal. At first my mind was a messy knot of thoughts but then I saw her pecking Ollie on the lips so nonchalantly then I figured I could do it. I can play the same game, even better.

I know I should feel guilty for kissing Ollie so much when my all still belongs to the girl back home. I keep telling myself  that my love is still hers therefore I shouldn't feel any sort of remorse since I know it's all for the fun of the game and the girl's not a bad kisser, quite the opposite actually. I went from only kissing one girl my whole life, to kissing two more girls in the same week. Two beautiful, out of my league girls.

"But Kim! I don't need to-," the door flies open and in comes Lizzie following Kim straight to the bathroom. "I don't need to, plus okay picture this," she pauses.

I hear Kim groan as Lizzie sits right on the bathroom floor while she's trying to use the toilet. "Okay, I have MK call Mrs. Wilson and offer to design a dress for her? And then Ash designs a blazer for her. I say that is an easy A for tomorrow and the rest of the year." She ends while clapping her hands.

"Right and then she gets fired and we are stuck with the same twat that took over when she was poorly," I hear the toilet flush, obstructing me from eavesdropping.

"I don't want to please-," Lizzie whines still following closely behind Kim, never missing a step.

"No, how about you and Y/N go over the notes and if you say no, I will bring Nicola in and the three of you can study together." I can tell Kims not serious about Nic but it does the trick to stop Lizzie from nagging on more.