Mosaic Broken Hearts

Traffic Lights

Last night's activities came rushing in like a wave crashing into my shore. I can't believe that happened. Never in a million years did I imagine my night would end with me knuckles deep inside Elizabeth, as she's screaming my name and her sweet juices covered my fingers. Not to mention the cuddles after, like hello????

I don't even know how I'm meant to act in front of her. I know I cannot tell the girls; they will definitely end our friendship. I literally slept with the enemy, not that it matters because it meant absolutely nothing. It was hot and I was blown away, even though I didn't get to finish, it still brought me pleasure that I've never felt before. Don't get me wrong, sex with my ex was heaven but the hell she put me through kind of overshadows the passion we shared, or I shared with her because everything she told me was a calculated lie.

I am hoping I can get to the point where I don't feel guilty for loving her, I gave her my best but we both know she can't say that. I fell for her lies repeatedly, I really did believe in her and in my love for her. I thought I could love her enough for the both of us but sadly she showed me she never loved me in more than one occasion. I just decided to ignore it, time and time again.

I wish I would have ran far away from her the first time she cheated, but I wanted to believe in us so bad that I gave her another chance. Maybe, I just needed to feel loved even if it was all a lie. Maybe, I wanted her to be my out, because when I was with her, I felt untouchable. All the pain my mom would cause she could erase so easily; she didn't even have to try. Sometimes just a text message would make me smile while I had tears down my cheeks due to my mom's abuse.

She helped me realize my mom's screams weren't out of love, or because she cared and was looking out for me. She made me find the strength to finally admit I was being abused by my mother just to leave me to pick up the pieces on my own, and if I would've known how sharp the pieces I'd crumbled into, I might've let them lay there. I showed her my baggage and she was not strong enough to help me carry it, instead she dropped it all at once.

Coming here, to this school was my only hope, my last shot. I know I needed to put distance from the two people that have caused my heart so much ache, they are the main reason why I keep my little old rusty friend tucked in my underwear drawer ready to take my pain away, ready to set me completely free. I didn't think I was strong enough to carry on everyday, but the girls make this experience little more bearable.

Speaking of the girls I should check my phone to see if they are ready, my head is a mess but it's no longer pounding and I know food will help a lot more. I should change out of these clothes though, they're not mine and I don't want to dirty them anymore than I already have. I know this hoodie is expensive as fuck, but then again everything Cheryl owns is crazy expensive.

*Buzz buzz* I hear my phone go off. Reaching out, grunting at how tight my shoulders feel, I finally grabbed my phone.

Kimbers: meet us downstairs if you feel better, if not we'll be at Cola's in about an hour for a cheeky night in. K XX

I don't bother responding to the message. I turn my phone on silent knowing I will be with the girls, so any messages or calls are unwanted. I forced myself out of bed, I was too comfy, but I do need food and I wouldn't mind hanging out with the girls.

I kind of ditched them at the party so I have to make up for it. Hopefully they don't ask where I went because I have yet to come up with an excuse, I can't exactly tell them I fucked Cheryl's roommate, now can I?

Spraying a little bit of my cologne I dash out, heading to meet the girls. Thank god for assigned parking spots because I would never be able to find Kimber's car. She didn't mention which car but Cheryl is definitely not driving, I also doubt her girlfriend would let her drive, knowing that girl will crash right away, getting distracted by every dog she sees.