Mosaic Broken Hearts

City Glows

Running like a chicken with its head cut off. That sums up my Friday night. After falling asleep at the tracks last night until about 5am we gathered our stuff and Lizzie drove us back to her house where we slept well into the afternoon until the twins came and woke us up to go to the center for some last-minute changes for tomorrow's event. It was rather weird being woken up by Ashley this morning, Lizzie's hand was up my shirt and I thank the mother fucking stars the blanket was covering my chest.

We weren't super close but close enough where her hand was spread over my stomach and up my shirt. I was woken up by Ashley calling out Lizzie's name multiple times, but it did not work. I told Ashley I would get Lizzie up and I wish I would've minded my own business.

Waking her up was one thing, now getting her out of bed? That was the hardest challenge of my life. I had to bribe her with a backrub tonight, knowing damn well we probably won't be sleeping in the same bed, but she didn't have to know that.

Kim mentioned Nicola wanted us four girls to meet at her dorm before bed tonight. I feel bad because Lizzie should be joining us too since it's to have a little down time together before the madness that tomorrow is going to be. I know Lizzie would never step foot inside Nicola's dorm and I feel so sad that she will be missing out tonight.

She has been working just as hard as any of the other girls. All of their big sisters are getting together at their home, so it's only fair for Lizzie to join us. Kim tried pushing for it to be in Cheryl's dorm knowing that would give Lizzie a small chance to be there with us but of course both Nicola and Cheryl refused. I said I didn't really care where we met up, I just didn't want to say yes to Nicola's dorm, but I also didn't wanna make it obvious I was siding with Kimberley.

I finished everything I needed to do at the center and Cheryl drove us back to school, we wanted to dance for a little bit. Mrs. Faye agreed to hold a small session after school hours for me. Sleeping in so late has given me so much energy and dancing for two hours only gave me a bigger boost.

I told Cheryl I would meet her and Nicola right at 8pm. I need to stop at Ollie's dorm for a little bit. I woke up to a lot of messages from her, worried about me but my phone die before I could even respond to any of them. She won't be attending the event tomorrow and it kind of sucks because I was hoping to have her there for moral support. Cheryl and Kim have each other, Nicola will have Charlie with her. So I was hoping Ollie would be there with me. I know Lizzie will have the twins there to support her.

I am kind of nervous about the whole thing but mainly I'm nervous for Lizzie. I don't know how she is going to react, after her confession last night I am very worried. Part of me thinks she won't go, that her fear and guilt will win and she won't be able to show up for Ashley.

If I'm being completely honest, I wouldn't be surprised if she decided to skip the whole thing and I don't think I could blame her. I know this is more than painful for her, I see it in her eyes. Nobody really knows how much she is hurting, how big of a toll this has taken on her mental health.

Before last night I was also oblivious to all but today that is all I could see. The pain behind those beautiful green eyes, the guilt before that force-faked smile. I wish I could say something to Ashley or MK or even Kimberley, but I know I can't. I don't want to betray her; she's finally confided in me; I wouldn't dare to break her trust.

This morning the word baby slipped out of Lizzie's lips, and I think it shook us both to the core. Our eyes locked for an eternity, sending secret messages to each other. Things are complicated and we both know it but we also know it's better to ignore the issue and keep going on like nothing ever happened.

I wish I could put into words what I'm feeling but I am way too scared to do so. I know if I do, nothing will ever be the same.

"Don't fucking ignore me you scum." I feel two hands on my back, pushing me hard sending me straight to the floor, tripping over my feet, spilling everything that I was holding.