Back to You

Ethan

Getting out of bed this morning was hard since we had an early morning practice before breakfast. I hardly got any sleep last night. I kept thinking about Mia and every question that surrounds her. I don't know how I'm going to get her to talk to me. The way she fled last night gives me the indication that she may not even turn up to work today. For all I know she may have already left the state.

Training this morning wasn't too bad, it was just a light skate and a few basic drills to get us back into it. We have a team meeting at 10 and then we are meant to hit the gym after lunch. We went to the hotel restaurant for breakfast after training. They have a great buffet with choices of everything from bacon, eggs, pancakes, pastries, fruit, cereal, you name it and they have it. I was so hungry since I didn't have dinner last night, I went back for seconds and thirds. Most of the team had left by the time I'd finish but Jake and Alex were still sitting with me. Neither of them mentioned anything about Mia. My plan today is after the team meeting, come straight back here to see if she is working. Hopefully she is and I'll be able to just talk to her for a couple of minutes and organize a time to meet up later. I'm not holding my breath though.

The team meeting is agonizingly long and boring. The coaching staff are just going over the schedule for us for the next week with training and the next game, all of which was sent to us in an email a couple of days ago. To me it was a waste of time. I was sitting there next to Jake and my knee was constantly bouncing. It must have been annoying him because he puts his hand on top and holds my knee so it can't move. I can't help it, it's a nervous habit I have.

I keep looking at the clock and notice that it is already 11:15 by the time they have finished up the meeting. You'd think I'd be the first one out, making my way down the hall, through the lobby and to the restaurant. But I don't, I just sit there staring at the blank screen that is in front of me. I have this fear that she won't be there or if she is won't even give me a chance to talk to her. I deserve to know why she left, that is the least she can give me.

"You right?" Jake asks still sitting next to me. I notice that everybody else has left the room but us. I know that Alex is probably going to meet Sienna because they should have arrived already. I don't answer him. "Do you want me to come with?" again I don't answer. What am I even going to say to her. She left with no warning, no note, absolutely nothing. I was so angry for so long and now that I've seen her again, I don't know how I feel.

I stand from my chair and start walking towards the door "I'll come find you soon" I say as I walk out. The lobby is busy at this time of the day as I pass through making my way to the restaurant area. I stand at the entrance looking around the room trying to spot her. I don't even know if she's here. Another lady comes up to me and asks if I'd like a table. I decide to ask her "No, I'm actually just here to see Mia, is she working today?" I asked as politely as I can with everything that's going on in my head. She points out where she is and she has her back to me so she won't see me coming. This may be the only way I get my chance. She's talking to some customers so I hang back not wanting to interrupt her work. Once she starts to walk away from their table I call out her name. She stops instantly, I know she knows it's me. Her head goes down and I can see she takes a deep breath.

She slowly turns around to face me and it's like time stands still. Our eyes connect and I feel so drawn towards her. Her eyes are filled with guilt and sadness and I know mine soften just by the site of her. I notice her eye flick down to the floor and then straight back to me. Neither of us saying anything. She goes to say something and turns a little more towards me and that's when I notice. She's pregnant. My eyes stay focused on the bump on her stomach. I look back to her eyes and her voice so soft speaks "Ethan, please let me explain". The thoughts in my head are now a million times worse than when I first saw her. She's pregnant and by the looks of things, I'd say at least 4-5 months.

This time it's my turn to walk away. Without saying a word, I turn on my heels and head towards the door. I need to get out of here. Fuck Mia's pregnant. Is this why she ran? Didn't she think I'd want a child with her. I can't face anybody else right now so I walk straight out the front doors of the hotel and down the street, I shove my hand into my pockets and just walk, no idea where I'm going, but I know I can't be anywhere near here at the moment.

I have no idea how long I walked for but I found myself in a park with a kids playground. I take a seat on one of the benches and just watch. There is about a dozen kids here at the moment, some look like they only just started to walk and others probably in school. The smiles on their faces, the joy that they bring. Fuck, I can't believe this has happened to me. I rest my elbows on my knees and my head in my heads. I can feel the tears falling down my cheeks but I don't care, how could she not tell me. How could she just leave. Then it hits me, maybe the baby isn't mine. Maybe she cheated and that's why she left. The father might live around here. She might be living with him. My mind just won't stop thinking of different scenarios.

I can feel my phone vibrating in my pocket but I'm not answering it. I can't talk to anybody at the moment. I decide I can't stay near the playground, I need to walk so I do just that. I walk around the park, around the lake that's in the middle surrounded by trees just getting there leaves back. The small pops of colour where the flowers have already bloomed. I know I've missed the teams gym session because the sun is beginning to set. I've been sat on this bench under a tree just looking across the lake. My mind is still a mess and I don't know what to do from here.

I decide I need to message the guys to let them know I'm ok and that I'll be back soon. I open the group chat and see all the messages from Jake, Alex and even the girls. They all seem worried about me. I tell them I just had to get my head around all that's happened and that I'm heading back now and ask them to meet in my room. I'm only going to want to tell this story once so I need then all there together. Alex gets back to me straight away and also let's me know that he covered for me missing the gym.

Once I get back as soon as I enter the room Sienna is hugging me. We've never been that close but Alex is one of my best friends and she saw how I reacted when Mia just disappeared. Nobody says a word, all just waiting for me to talk. I walk over to my bed and sit down resting my elbows in my knees and my head in my heads. I don't even know how to start this conversation.

Without lifting my head up I just say it "She's pregnant" Silence. Nobody says a single word. I can only imagine the look on their faces as I haven't lifted my head from my hands yet. They are probably having a silent conversation. I look up slowly and the first person I see is Alex. He's now in the same position I was in just a second ago. Looking around the room and Jake is looking directly at me with a shocked look on his face and Sienna and Raya are whispering so quietly I can't heard what they are saying.

"Are you sure? Did she say it was yours?" Jake questions as Raya flings out her arm to hit his. I get the question but I know what I saw. I can't take my frustrations out on my friends, I know I need them.

"Positive she's pregnant. No idea if it's mine, I didn't stick around." They all look at me waiting for more information. "I walked in and she had her back to me. I called her name and she turned around. I saw she is pregnant and walked out without another word"

"You alrlight?" Alex asked "sorry stupid question but with you know .." and he trails off. I know what's he's talking about and yeah it has come to my mind. He's the only one that knows about Chloe and why she left.

"So what are you going to do now?" Sienna almost whispers not sure if she should ask or not. "I'm not sure but we are here for hockey and I know I need to get my mind back in that before the game."

"Do you want us to go and see if she'll talk to us" Raya suggests. This may work, they might be able to get answers without me having to confront Mia because I'm not sure how I will react when I see her again. I'm still confused as to how I'm feeling. Maybe if they can get some answers for me and I just concentrate on hockey I might have calmed before seeing her again, that's if she'll see me. But I need closure. I need to know why she left and if the baby is mine.

"Yeah, if you don't mind" and with that I stand up and walk into the bathroom and take a shower. I'm hoping when I come out, I can just go to bed because I need to get my head in the game. For now I need to forget about Mia but that's harder said than done.