Back to You

Ethan

The last 3 days have been terrible, I have hardly slept and that has affected me during practice and tonight's game. Coach had noticed during practice and even pulled me aside to tell me to pull my head out of my arse, his words, otherwise I'll be benched, not that the threat actually helped. I have given away far too many penalties and been in the penalty box twice already. I know I'm letting the team down but I just can't get my head into hockey, all I can think about is Mia.

I thought I'd be happy if I ever found her again but I'm so angry and have so many unanswered questions. Why did she leave and is the baby mine? These are the thoughts that are constantly running through my head and why I am playing probably the worst game of my career. Coach true to his word pulled me from the game for the last 10 minutes and I really can't blame him. This is not me at all.

Luckily, we win the game and make it through to the next game in 3 days. I know I must turn my attitude around and get my head straight before then or I might not even make it on the ice. As all the rest of the team celebrates, I make my way straight to the locker room. I should be celebrating but I just can't, the way I played tonight, I let the team down. I let my emotions get the better of me. I don't even bother showering, I'll do that at the hotel. Getting out of my gear quickly, I know that coach will not be happy about this but I just need space at the moment. I grab my bag and throw it over my shoulder and start to make my way to the back door before any of the team get in here.

"Davis. Office NOW!" Coach yells just as I was about the grab the door handle. I'm not looking forward to this. He can tell something is up and coach as always been more of a father figure to me than my own dad. I walk towards the office where he went and walked in, closed the door and took a seat. I don't say a word and I don't look at him. He wanted to see me, he can talk first.

"Alright Ethan, what's going on? I can tell you have something on your mind. I've noticed this since we came back after new year. But tonight was something else, I have never seen you play like that, it's not you. Now talk and I don't want to hear some bullshit story, I want the truth"

Shit, I know I can't get away with lying to him, he'll call me out straight away. Maybe talking to somebody might help. The girls weren't able to tell me much after they spoke with her and I know that Jake has talked to her too, not that he'll admit it. I just don't know where to start with coach so we sit in silence for a few minutes before he speaks up "I'd like to get back to the hotel sometime tonight but we are not leaving here until you tell me what's going on"

Finally looking up at him, I can see the concern on his face. "You remember Mia, we were together before Christmas, well on Christmas eve she just disappeared. Disconnected her phone, moved out of her apartment with not a word, nobody knew where she went or what happened to her. Well turns out she moved her, she works in the restaurant at the hotel"

"Have you spoken to her at all?" I can hear the concern in his voice. I haven't heard him talk like this before normally he is yelling at us during training or the game. "No because when I saw her, I..." I hesitate because this is big "I noticed she was pregnant."

"Fuck" I heard coach say under his breath. There isn't really anything else for me to say so I just sit in silence hoping he'll be able to give me some advice, just anything. "So, you don't know if it's yours or not?" I shake my head "You need to talk to her Ethan. You need to know the truth one way or another. It will be the only way you will be able to clear your head. And if it turns out you're going to be a father, then come talk to me. The first time is scary at hell but you Ethan I know are not somebody that would walk away from their responsibility, and I'll be there every step of the way" And I know he will be. He gets up from his seat and comes around the table placing his hand on my shoulder "Talk to the girl. Find out what happened, then if you want to talk, I'll be there" He pats my shoulder and leaves the room.

I sit there is silence for a while just thinking when I hear my phone vibrate. I pull it out of my phone and see a message from an unknown number

Ethan, please can we talk. Mia

Without responding I put my phone back in my pocket and walk out of the room making my way back to the hotel. Everybody keeps telling me I need to talk to her but what if I don't like what she has to tell me. I'm not sure if I'm ready for that yet so I'm just going to ignore her for now and prepare for the next game.

Back at the hotel I jump into the shower and let the streaming hot water roll over my aching muscles. My mind starts to wonder and it goes straight to my past and Chloe. I can still remember that day. We had been together for just over a year and we were just back after winter break. At the time I was so in love with her. I could see our future with getting married and kids which at 20 is a little scary but I didn't care, I knew she was the one I wanted to be with.

I was leaving class one day when a girl who I'd spoken with a few times came up to me asking how Chloe was after "getting rid of our mistake" and it was like she was talking in riddles. Chloe had been sick just before Christmas and was bedridden for about a week. She wouldn't let me go and see her so I wouldn't get sick. I must had had a confused look on my face because Tanya then elaborated "I saw her at the clinic. Don't worry your secret is safe with me" and then she left. My head was trying to piece all of this together but it didn't make sense so I messaged Chloe on my way to practice.

When I got back to the apartment afterwards, I found a note on my bed.

Dear Ethan,

I'm so sorry you had to find out this way. I just didn't know how to tell you, I wanted to for the last couple of weeks but just couldn't in fear of losing you. I was at a party one night when you had practice and I got really drunk and did something that I regret so much. I didn't mean for it to happen and then I found out I was pregnant. I knew the baby wasn't yours and I'm only 19 I'm not ready to be a mother yet so I had an abortion.

I'm so sorry Ethan. I never wanted to hurt you. I've gone back home to my parents, I'm taking this semester off college and will probably transfer to somewhere closer to home. I love you so much but I know this is the end for us.

Love always, Chloe

I was a complete mess for about a week after that. My girlfriend had cheated on me and left. The only person that knows the truth about why Chloe left is Alex. I threw myself into hockey and forgot about her all together, that was how I coped then and I need to do that now until I'm ready to talk to her. So now I have a plan and I need everybody else to respect that. I finish up in the shower and exit the bathroom to find Jake and Alex waiting for me.

"Ok both of you listen. I don't want anybody to mention Mia or her pregnancy or anything to do with her. Once I'm ready I will decide what to do. I don't need you pushing me to talk to her" I focus my attention on Jake because he has been hinting for the last few days that I need to "I just need to focus on hockey. I know I fucked up today and I can't let that happen again. So can you 2 please just do that for me?"

They both look at each other then Jake speaks up "Before I agree, I'm going to say 1 more thing. Can you please promise that after the game you just hear her out. Even if you don't say anything just let her speak?" I know he has been talking to her, he knows more than he's leading on. I know I need to see her before we leave and as he said I don't have to say anything, I just need to listen. It might give me the closure I need.

I give him a small nod "Alright, let's go get something to eat" we all agree and make our way out of the hotel and down the street to a Chinese place, grab some takeaway and return to our room to eat. Finishing up, Jake goes back to his room leaving just Alex and I. I know he wants to say something, he's my best friend and hasn't made a comment about Mia since we first saw her.

"Ethan" he starts and I turn to face him "You know this isn't the same situation as Chloe? I think you need to at least talk to her, find out her reasons. I get you just want to concentrate on hockey at the moment, which is fine but I think you need to take Jake's advice and see her before we leave" That's all he says before finishing getting ready for bed and going to sleep.

To say I didn't sleep much that night is an understatement. My mind was thinking about what Jake and Alex both said. I know I need to see her, I've been longing to see her for so long and now that I can, I don't know if I'm ready for the truth. I keep thinking about Chloe and how she at least left a note. Mia left with nothing, she just disappeared.