Back to You

Mia

My eyes close voluntarily as Ethan leans in. His scent invades my senses, I've missed his smell. It always calmed me and reminded me that I was safe. I feel his lips linger on my cheek. I really thought he was going to kiss me on my lips. I haven't felt them for a long, I wanted him to kiss me. Today has been amazing and he just reminded me of the amazing guy that he is and why I was falling in love with him in the first place. I have never admitted it, but I was falling and falling fast. The issues with my ex always held me back but I know the true feelings that I was feeling and today just brought all those memories back to the surface.

He pulls away but lightly grabs my hand as I open my eyes and I'm met with his beautiful crystal blue eyes staring straight at me, I can see the emotion swirling around and I'm wondering if he can feel it too. He gives my hand a slight squeeze before letting go and I watch him walk down the hallway away from me. I know I'll see him tomorrow but I don't know what is going to happen then. My ex is probably still out there looking for me and he got close once so I know he could find me at any time. I have to protect this baby, I have to protect myself. I don't know how any relationship with Ethan will work but this is his baby and I know he wants to be in its life. I want him to be too but I'm not sure that is possible.

I make my way into my apartment and throw my bag on the side table and take off my jacket. Ella is on the couch watching something on the TV when I walk in. She gives me a smile and I walk over and sit down next to her. Maybe she'll be able to help me figure this all out.

"Hey, how was your date?" she asked all excitedly. I didn't really think of it as a date but now that she has said it, it sure did feel like a date. I just groan and throw my head back onto the lounge and close my eyes. "I don't know what to do" I start telling her "I have missed him so much and being around him again just feels right. He is this baby's father, but I don't know how this is going to work. Ryan is still out there and most probably still looking for me. What happens if he finds me? I just wish things were simple." she doesn't interrupt me, but I feel her hand rest on my leg letting me know she is listening "I thought he was going to kiss me goodbye" I slowly raise my head and open my eyes to gauge her reaction but she gives nothing away "I think I wanted him to kiss me. Actually no, I know I wanted him to kiss me. He only gave me a kiss on the cheek but I could see in his eye that he wanted to kiss me too. I hate this, why is everything so complicated?"

Ella shifts in her seat and I can see she is thinking about how to respond to me. "Let's take Ryan out of the picture for a moment. If he wasn't around, would you want to be with Ethan?" I just nod "I get that there is a chance that Ryan still could come back since he got close before but you can't live your life in fear. You need to live. You have taken care of me, it's now time to look after you for once. What do you want?"

I know the answer to that, I want to be with Ethan, but I can't just forget that Ryan exists, it's not that simple. I don't answer her but stand up and let her know I'm going to shower then I'll prepare dinner. It's been a long day, I need to clear my mind and just see what tomorrow brings. I don't even know what Ethan wants.

I wake up the next morning to the bright sun streaming through my blinds. Getting ready for today, I choose to wear a pale pink flowy dress with little white flowers all over it. I bought it only a few weeks ago as all my other clothes don't fit around my growing belly anymore. I match it with a pair of white sandals and I keep my hair out and makeup to a minimum. As I exit my room I hear a knock at the door and go make my way there to open it. Standing at the door is Ethan, I know I was expecting him but he still took my breath away. He is wearing a casual pair of beige chinos and a dark blue short sleeve button up shirt. His hair is messy, just the way I like it and he is holding a small bouquet of yellow lilies, my favourite flower and he flashes me his smiles that makes my knees go weak.

"Hey, these are for you" he hands over the flowers "You look beautiful" and he leans in and kisses me on the cheek. I can feel my face flush by his words. "thank you" I respond before opening the door wider to let him in. "Let me just put these in some water and then we can get going."

We make our way down to his car and he won't tell me where we are going or what we are doing today. The drive didn't take too long before we arrive at this cute little coffee shop on the edge of town. As we walk down the street towards our destination, he takes my hand in his and intertwines our fingers before opening the door for us to enter. The breakfast is delicious, and I wonder how he even found out about this place and again we fall into comfortable conversation.

After breakfast, which Ethan insists on paying for, he takes my hand again in his and leads us down the sidewalk. We come to a stop in fronts of a massage parlor. "I thought it would be nice for you to relax a little" he opens the door and makes his way to the reception to let them know we are here. The place looks really nice, I mean, high-end, beautiful marble floors, soft lighting and just tastefully decorated. We are taken into a room and I see 2 massage tables and that's when it hits me, we are getting a couples massage, together in the same room, I am going to be in my underwear, be in under a towel, but still with Ethan in the room. He hasn't seen how my body has changed with the pregnancy. It's not just my belly that has gotten bigger, my boobs have enlarged and I'm carrying extra weight around my hips and thighs.

With the door closed behind us, Ethan looks at me sheepishly. "I hope this is ok, you know us in the same room. I didn't really think it through did I. Sorry, I can just wait outside for you to get your massage if you'd feel more comfortable" he's rambling, he's nervous as well.

I reach out and rest my hand on his arm "Ethan, it's ok. We can do this together" I give him a smile "But umm, can you turn around while I get underdressed and under the towel?"

"Oh, of course, yep" he turns around to give me some privacy to get underdressed. Once I'm on the table with the towel covering me from my boobs to my mid-thigh I let him know he can turn back around. He starts to undress and I know I shouldn't look but I can't take my eyes off him. He slowly undoes the buttons on his shirt and lets it fall off his shoulders. My eyes automatically go straight to his abs and that V. He is still in great shape just as I remember. Just the sight of him is doing all things to me but who can blame me, my hormones are wild with the pregnancy and I haven't had sex since I ran from Ethan. I avert my eyes and try and think of anything else, but it's not working. God I hate hormones.

After the wonderful and relaxing massage which I never knew that I actually needed, Ethan proceeded to drive me back to my apartment. I didn't want to say goodbye to him yet, but I knew I had to start getting ready for my shift soon. I wasn't' sure when I would get to see Ethan again or if he wanted to see me again. We hadn't really spoken about what was going to happen next.

Walking to my door, Ethan's hand was on the small of my back the whole way. I turned to him once we reached my apartment. "Thank you for today. I had a wonderful time" I smile at him taking in the sight of his gorgeous crystal blue eyes. "Same here"

Then there is this awkward silence, like neither of us are ready to say goodbye but we know we have too. Ethan leans in to kiss my cheek again like yesterday. I automatically close my eyes and the feel of his lips grazing my cheek feels like disappointment. Once his lips leave my skin, he doesn't move away and I can feel him so close to my face still. "I really want to kiss you right now?" he speaks almost in a whisper and a shiver runs down my spine at his words. I open my eyes to find him only an inch away with his eyes already on mine, swirling with emotion begging me to say yes.