Back to You

Mia

I haven't heard from Ethan after I sent him the message and it's been 2 days. I know they have their final game tomorrow and then they leave the following day. I've been working and I've seen most of the team come in at least once but not Ethan. I know he's avoiding me and I can't say I blame him. I've had months to get my head around this baby and he's seen me for the first time in all thoughts since I just up and left.

Today I have a double shift, breakfast and lunch. So, I've arrived quite early as the breakfast starts as soon as we open. Being 5 months pregnant and working isn't too hard but I know I'm not going to be able to work my whole pregnancy, my feet are already starting to swell by the end of a busy shift. We are still getting a few of the hockey players in but since some of the teams have been knocked out and already left it's not as busy.

See Jake and Alex walk in with Sienna and Raya not too far behind. They aren't in my area so I don't have to serve them but they all waved when they arrived. I was really hoping that Ethan would join them but when they finished and went to leave, I knew he was still avoiding me. The thing I didn't expect was Alex to come over to me before he left.

"Hey Mia, how are you?" he asked. I am friends with Alex but I'm much closer to Jake and Sienna so it surprises me that he was the one to come over. I let him know I'm good and ask him the same.

"When do you have your break? Cause if you wouldn't mind, I'd like to talk to you about Ethan." This obviously peaked my interest as I'm not sure what he's going to tell me. "I have a break in about an hour if that suits you?" I answer back

"Sounds great. I'll meet you here back in then" and that's all he says before he turns and walks away. For the next hour my mind goes through every different thought possible as to what Alex wants to tell me about Ethan. My worst fear is that he tells me to leave him alone, disappear and get out of Ethan's life for good. Alex is his best friend and will only be looking out for him but I don't want to do that but I also know that Ryan is still out there and looking for me. I need to do what is right for myself and this baby and right now, I have no idea what that is.

About 5 minutes before my break I notice Alex walk in and take a seat at a table towards the back. As soon as my manager tells me to break, I start to feel nervous. I have no idea what he's going to say. I make my way to his table and take a seat giving him a small smile. My hands automatically go to my growing belly. I have started to feel their movements, at first it felt like little flutters but now I can feel small kicks and movement. They are my world already and I haven't even met them.

"Hey" Alex starts "Ethan doesn't know I'm here or that I'm about to tell you something that I probably shouldn't." I just sit there looking at my hands, not sure how to respond "There are things about Ethan that you don't know. He didn't tell anybody except me and that includes Jake. His last girlfriend Chloe really broke his heart. I can't tell you the details, that's not my story to tell. But I know that he has truly never gotten over what happened, and I need you to know that what you did and seeing you again has brought back a lot of memories for him that he probably hasn't thought about in a while. That's part of the reason he is reacting how he is. I'm not saying it's an excuse to treat you this way and I have, we all have, told him to talk to you, hear your story because there is obviously a reason why you left. We could all tell how happy you were together. I just hope you really did have a good reason because I'm not sure how much more heartache Ethan can take."

Tears start to form in my eyes, and I can't help but letting them fall. "I know I need to tell Ethan the truth, but how can I when he won't talk to me" I whisper still not lifting my eyes from my hands. "I promise I have a good reason, but I'm not sure that will be enough for him to forgive me for this mess." I slowly look up to see Alex looking at me knowing I'm telling him the truth. "I'll talk to him again, try and get him to agree to talk. I can't make any promises but I will try. What time do you finish today?" he asks. "Three" I answer and he nods and then he gets up from his seat and leaves.

I'm now more confused as ever, what could have happened between him and his ex-girlfriend. He has never mentioned anything about her and why they broke up. I need to talk to him, he needs to know why I left and I know he leaves back to Boston tomorrow so today is my last hope. I can only hope that Alex can help me. I pull my phone out and send a message off to Ethan asking if we can meet after I finish my shift. It's my last hope before he leaves.

Once I get through the lunch rush and it's time to go home, I look at my phone hoping that I find a response from Ethan but my shoulders sink when I see no notifications. I start going through the options, I know he won't answer my call and I don't want to tell him in a message but I might not have a choice, he needs to know the truth. I decide that I'll talk to Ella when I get home and see what she thinks I should do.

Walking through the lobby with a hundred thoughts going through my head, then hear my name and I know that voice, it's the one I have wanted to hear for so long now. I slowly look up in front of me and see Ethan standing there with his hands in his pockets only a few meters away from me. He hasn't changed in the last few months but I can see he looks tired and I know that I am the cause of that. "Hey" I say quietly while walking closer to him. He doesn't respond. I adjust my bag on my shoulder "Can we go for a walk?" I ask hoping that he will come with me so I can talk to him. It will also give me time to figure out what to say. Him standing here in the lobby waiting for me was not what I was expecting when I left work. Again he doesn't say anything just gives me a small nod. I start to walk towards the lake that is not too far from the hotel and Ethan is walking beside me. We walk in silence as I lead us towards a bench on the other side of the lake, it's quieter over here so I know we will be able to talk.

I take a seat and Ethan follows my lead but sits at the other end of the bench. We sit there for a few minutes in silence, my hands are gently rubbing my belly as I look over the water of the lake, it's quiet calming which I need at the moment because my heart is beating rapidly. I don't even know how to start this conversation, but I know that I will probably be the only one talking, at least Ethan is willing to listen.

"I'm so sorry Ethan" I start because I know I need to apologise and I know that my words probably aren't enough. I turn slightly to face him and he doesn't move, still keeping his gaze out on the lake. "I needed to leave for mine and Ella's safety. And well this little person too" he turns to face me and I can see the fury in his eyes. He's angry at me and I understand why, he has every reason to be so I continue "When Ella and I were younger, before my mum passed away, I saw things that my dad did to her. At the time, I was too young to understand. Then I started to experience them myself. My dad was abusive to my mum, I saw the fear in her eyes every day, she didn't complain in order to keep him from hurting me and Ella, she thought that he would come after us. She didn't want me to see what he did to her and how it affected her. I didn't know why she stayed but then I got into my relationship with Ryan and I couldn't leave, I knew how my mum felt."

The tears start to fall down my cheeks, but I know I need to keep going. Ethan deserves to know why I left. "You know that Ryan was abusive to me and when I made the decision to leave him, I knew I would always worry that he would find me. I started getting messages around thanksgiving. I knew that they were from him. I thought that he had just somehow managed to get me number and they were empty threats, that he didn't know where I was. But then Ella saw him on campus that morning. He'd found me and I was so scared. If he'd never stopped looking for me after more than 2 years, I had no idea what he was going to do to me when he caught me. I had to leave. I was so scared" By now the tears are flowing and my words are mixed with my cries as I try to explain to Ethan why I left.

"And the baby? When did you find out?" Ethan questions. I can see the angry has dissipated slightly but it's still there. There is no other emotion on his face and telling him this, that I knew before I left could really break him. "I took the test that morning" I answer him quietly. And I see the angry back in his eyes.

"Why didn't you come to me. I could have helped your Mia." He raises his voice and I flinch at his tone. "You knew that you were pregnant with my child and you ran leaving not even a note or anything saying goodbye. I was so worried that something had happened to you but you didn't care enough about me. You just left without a second thought" and with that he stood up and walked away leaving me in tears watching him leaving me.