Back to You

Ethan

It's been a month since Jake and Alex took me boxing and I have to say, I am very thankful to them. I have been back at least twice a week, plus I have added in some solo boxing into my normal hockey training routine in the college gym. This has helped me focus on my hockey and getting the team into the frozen four. We have our conference final game this weekend, so we need to win this to move onto the next stage otherwise we're out. The team is pumped about it, you can feel it at training, everybody is giving 110%, we all want this just as much as the next person.

After our training session, Jake and I make our way back to the apartment while Alex goes to pick up Sienna and Raya as they are coming over for a movie and pizza. I haven't spoken much to the girls since Christmas, they have been avoiding me because of my bad mood and I haven't exactly wanted to watch Alex and Sienna be all lovey dovey in front of me, it only reminds me of what I have lost but tonight I have said that I will participate in their plans.

Once we get back to the apartment, I make my way upstairs to my bedroom and straight into the shower. I let the hot water roll over my aching muscles which helps relieve some of the tension. Finishing up I go back into my room and put on a pair of sweats and hoodie. I sit down on the edge of my bed and glace over to the box that is sitting on my bedside table. I haven't moved or looked at it since Christmas. I don't even know what to do with it now. I had hoped that I would be still able to give it to Mia but since it has been nearly 3 months since she left, I'm beginning to realise, I'll never get the chance.

I grab the box and open it for the first time in months, I find my finger tracing the letter and it brings back all the memories that I have of her. I can feel the tears building in my eyes when there is a knock at my door "Are you decent?" I recognize Sienna's voice say

"Yeah, come in" I don't even bother putting the box down, I continue to play with the pendant and will for my tears to disappear. Sienna sits down next to me, as I said I've hardly spoken to her since Christmas but we used to be good friends.

"How are you doing?" she askes then shakes her head "sorry that's a really stupid question, especially when you are hold that"

"I miss her so much." I start, I haven't talked to anybody about how I'm really feeling, I just kept it all bottled up "I just want to know if she's alright. And I don't know what to do with this." I show Sienna what's in the box.

"It's beautiful Ethan" she takes the box and closes it "but I think you need to accept that she's not coming back. Alex had told me that boxing has helped but I still think you are holding hope for something that isn't going to happen" She put her arm around me shoulders and I can feel a tear escape and run down my cheek "I know it's hard, but you need to move on. You need to stop thinking about her and I think the first thing that needs to happen is that you get rid of this."

I thought that Sienna would be a little more sympathetic but what she is saying is just starting to make me angry. I can't just stop thinking about Mia, I love her, we are meant to be together. How can she not understand this. I stand abruptly from the bed, snatching the box back from her hands "How can you say that" I know I have raised my voice, but she has no right to come in and tell me what I need to do, she doesn't know anything "I love her Sienna, I can't just forget about her."

"Seriously Ethan, I saw how you were after Chloe. You were sleeping with anything that had boobs, why is Mia any different. I can guarantee that once you hook up with somebody, you'll forget her. There are plenty of girls throwing themselves at you, just pick one and you'll be fine" her tone has changed since she first came into my room. How the fuck can she say this. I get tough love but this has gone too far. My relationship with Mia was nothing like with Chloe. I've come to realise that I never truly loved Chloe but I know what I have, had with Mia was real. "Get out" I yell at her and point towards the door "And don't ever come into my apartment again"

I see Jake and Alex at my door wondering what the hell has happened. Sienna narrows her eyes at me, but I don't care, she had no right to talk to me like that. I'm not the same person I was back then, and Mia is definitely nothing like Chloe.

Sienna walks over to Alex and he wraps her in his arms "Seriously Ethan, look at how you are acting towards your friends, we're just trying to help." and after that they walked down the stairs. Jake is still standing in the doorway I'm assuming waiting for an explanation. I'm so frustrated at the moment. I thought boxing was helping but maybe not as much as I thought. I know I shouldn't have spoken to Sienna like that, but she had no right to say what she did either. Now I'm wondering if everybody feels the same. Are they all thinking that I should just forget about Mia, like she was never in my life. Should I just forget her too?

"I know I overreacted, I shouldn't have yelled at her" I don't even give Jake time to respond before I keep going "Do you think I should just forget Mia's ever came into my life?"

"No, I don't. I know that you two were only together for a couple of months, but I saw a different side of you. I know you love her and I can't image what it is like for you but somehow you need to find a way of dealing with this. I don't know what Sienna said but you need your friends to support you and be there for you to lean on, don't push us away. I'm here if you want to talk" and with that he walked out of my room but before he can shut my door

"Jake" I call out. He turns around and looks at my with sympathy in his eyes "You got time now?"

I know I need to talk to someone; nobody can possibly understand how I'm feeling but maybe if I say all this out loud it may help, and Jake is offering to listen. He walks back into my room closing the door behind him and sits down in my chair at my desk. "I feel lost without her. I don't know how to explain it." I start but not sure where to go from here "I thought that she really wanted to be with me, after everything she told me about her ex, I really thought we would be together forever. I know that sounds ridiculous since we were only together a few months but I could see our lives together, moving in together, getting married, having kids. I've never felt this way before." I keep pacing my room and take a few deep breaths before I go on "For her to just up and leave, I just don't understand. If she didn't feel the same, she should have just told me but nothing, not a single word. I know I can't hold onto the hope she'll come back forever but..." I trail off not sure of my next words. I walk over to Jake and hand him the box. This is the start of me moving on, I know I have too "Do whatever you want with this. Maybe keeping this is holding me back."

"Are you sure?" Jake askes

I nod not really convinced but I have to try. "Thanks, now I need to go apologize to Sienna"