The Act|| Tarasia

Chapter Thirty Four

Omniscient POV

Taraji's head was pounding, and the LED bulbs of her vanity weren't doing anything to soothe her pulsing pain. The feeling of the foundation brush being stroked across her face was a sensory nightmare to her, her agitation stemming from her hangover. The walls of her trailer felt like they were closing in on her. She wanted to tell her glam and wardrobe team to get out, but she couldn't do that because she had to be Shug Avery in exactly 1 hour. Nobody could tell that she had been drunk only hours ago, but it was clear that she wasn't herself. It's a good thing her character likes to drink, but the scene she was preparing to shoot wasn't about drinking. It was going to be her duet and kissing scene with Fantasia. She was doing two things that she had never done before in a movie all in one day. She was going to be singing and kissing a woman. The thought of singing next to Fantasia made her nervous, but the idea of having to kiss her on camera made her want to vomit. Not because she's not attracted to her, but because she's so strongly attracted to her that she doesn't know if she'll be able to contain herself. The script only calls for a short, albeit passionate peck on the lips that lingers for just a few seconds. What if she forgets that people are watching and she slips Fantasia her tongue? What if she has a panic attack in front of everybody because she's so worried about going too far? With all of these thoughts spinning around in her head, she was starting to feel suffocated with all the people that were in her trailer.

If 20 plus years of acting taught her anything, it was that she couldn't bring her personal problems on set. She couldn't bring Taraji's strifes with her because she was no longer Taraji. She was a veteran in the game. What would it mean if she threw all of her professionalism out of the window and made things personal with her costar? She would no longer have any credibility, and as an actress, especially a black one, her credibility was everything to her. She wasn't going to be kissing Fantasia. She was going to be kissing Celie. It didn't matter that in her drunken state she had professed her love for the mocha-skinned singer. In this moment, she couldn't be concerned with the three words, "I love you". The only three words she cared about right now were lights, camera, action.

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On the other side of the set, in her own trailer, Fantasia was grappling with her own emotions about the scene ahead of her. She wasn't a trained actress like Taraji. She didn't know how to completely turn her personal feelings off and take on the feelings of her character like her life didn't exist anymore. She didn't know how to table things that she desperately wanted to talk about, and she desperately wanted to talk about what had happened last night between the two of them. She wanted to know if Taraji's inebriated mind was speaking sober thoughts. How could she perform this scene with Shug Avery when all she wanted to do was have a conversation with Taraji? Her outlet was her music, but this wasn't a concert. This was a movie set, and the only song she was going to be singing was about loving a woman she can't have. Art truly does imitate life. How is she going to control herself when their lips touch? Will she get aroused when she hears Taraji sing? Will anybody notice? Will Taraji stop by her trailer after filming? There are so many questions in her head that have yet to be answered. There was no crystal ball or fortune reader to tell her what would happen. She would just have to wait and see, and that killed her on the inside.

Craving advice from an experienced actress that wasn't Taraji, she decided to call Danielle. The two women hadn't been spending as much one-on-one time together as they used to, but they were still there for each other no matter what was going on.

Danielle: Girl it's the ass crack of dawn, half past you got me fucked up. You lucky I was getting up to use the bathroom anyway.

Fantasia:*rolls eyes* Gee hey Dani, it's good to hear your voice, too.

Danielle: Aren't you supposed to be working?

Fantasia: I'm going on set in an hour. I need your advice on something. I have to shoot the kissing scene with Taraji and I don't know what to do. What if I mess up and go too far?

Danielle: You ain't doing nothing but the same shit you do in private. The only difference is that there's going to be a camera and people watching. Block out the noise. The only thing you should let yourself hear is the little voice in the back of your head telling you right from wrong. Taraji isn't going to be Taraji when you kiss her on camera. She's going to be an entirely different woman. Ooo I know, her hair is going to have some grey in it, so you can just pretend like you're kissing your grandma! I know you don't wanna tongue kiss your grandma.

Fantasia: Ew Dani what the hell?! You do too much!

Danielle: It worked, didn't it? Take it from Taystee- don't let anything come between you and your bag. Not even love.

Danielle's advice stuck with Fantasia, but she was still thinking about making an entirely different movie with Taraji, and she wanted the set to be her bed. However, she had a job to do and kids to feed. If she just thought about her kids, then she would be able to make it through the scene.

[]

Fantasia knew that Taraji had a background in musical theater, but when she heard her voice, and I mean really heard it, she was blown away by the beauty falling upon her blessed ears. Blitz called for them to go to a 5 minute break right before the kiss was coming up. Fantasia immediately went to Taraji, finding her at the catering table, popping green grapes into her mouth. The tension between them thick enough to cut with a knife. Fantasia was nervous around the older woman all of a sudden and she didn't understand why.

Fantasia: Hi.

Taraji: Hi.

Fantasia: Your voice is incredible. You have so much talent. You should sing more.

Taraji: Thank you. It was really intimidating singing with you. Hearing your voice up close and personal is a privilege that I don't know if I'll ever get used to.

Fantasia: How do you feel about our kissing scene? It's getting close, really close.

Taraji: I don't feel anything.

Fantasia: Nothing at all? How can you not feel anything?

Taraji: We're playing a role. Our personal lives should have been left at the door as soon as we arrived on set. I'm on point, and you need to be too. Do you want anyone to suspect anything?

Fantasia: No.

Taraji: Then put your acting panties on and be professional. Don't blow this for us.

Fantasia: You don't have to be so cold.

Taraji: I'm not trying to be. I'm just being professional, and you should be trying to do the same thing. I'll forget about last night if you will.

Taraji walked off, leaving Fantasia feeling dismissed and slighted. Deep down she knew that Taraji was right, but she couldn't help but to think that Taraji had brushed her off. Why did she want to forget about last night so badly? What was she running from? There was no outrunning the truth. Secrets can't stay secrets forever, and the person who had been eavesdropping on their conversation was going to make sure that their secret didn't remain a secret.