I'm here for you

I'm worried about him

JAYS POV

I was so worried about Louis. My poor baby, he's been acting different for a while now. Whenever I try talking to him he just says he's fine, or he's tired and is going to bed. I usually go into his room and just sit on his bed and stroke his hair wondering what's going on inside my baby's head. I've also noticed that the last few days he's lost his appetite, is eating coco pops for breakfast, he hates coco pops, and every time I go into his room at night, there's always year stains on his face, his face is often blotchy and red. I'm really concerned about him. I hope Harry can sort out whatever it is that's going on in my baby's head.

I must have been sitting there for a few minutes when Mark comes in. "What's wrong love?" He asks placing a kiss on my forehead . I sigh" it's Louis. I'm really worried, he's been eating coco pops willingly for a whilw, he's been crying everything for I don't know how long and just now when I suggested that he and Harry go to the shop to buy milk together, he rolled his eyes at me mark, rolled his eyes and walked out the house and slammed the door shut. Harry's gone to look for him but I'm so worried. What if he's not okay? What if something happened to him? What if-" Mark cuts me if there and says " he's okay. He's a though lad that boy. Yes he's been weird lately. Who knows maybe he's just got a little crush or something, maybe he's just confused about something that he's not comfortable telling us, him and Harry have been in separable their entire lives. So whatever it is, I'm sure Harry will be able to get it out of him. Dont worry" I nod. He's right. Him and Harry tell each other everything. Like when they decided that Harry had a "girlfriend" in reception . He only "kissed" her once but we already knew so it wasn't really a secret but they tell each other everything. All I can do is wait. And that's easier said than done.

Then my phone rings. It's harry.

"He found Louis but I can hear him crying. My poor baby. Apparently they're at the old treehouse the used to have. Harry asked me to go asap. He sounded really worried. " I tell mark. He nods and carries on making this girls and ernest's  breakfast. "Go find and sort lou out. I'll look after this lot" I have the best husband ever. I grab the car keys and run out the door. I get in the car and start it. I drive to the woods car park and carry along the path until I see Harry in his purple Jack wills hoodie. He looks up as I approach him. He puts his first her on his lips, as if to say that louis' asleep. I nod to say I understand. I pick up my baby. He may be 14 but he's still my baby and I can manage carrying him to the car.

As we get to the car I place him in the back and strap him in. Harry gets in next to me. I ask him what happened as it looked like he's been crying too. He just says it's for Louis to tell. But that he is concerned and it needs to be sorted out.

When we get home I take Louis up to his room and place him on his bed. I place him on his bed. 

When I go downstairs Harry is curled up in a ball on the sofa crying so much. My heart breaks seeing him like that. I go and sit next to him. "What's wrong hazza bear?" He doesn't move but keeps on crying and I run his back trying to sooth him. I just do that for a while. 

 Eventually when he calms down he slowly looks at me and says "why is life so shit? Why can't he have a good life? Why can't people just leave him alone? Why can't they see he's an amazing person and I hate them. I love him Jay I love him so much. He doesn't know that. He thought I'd leave him. He thought he was a big old fuck up. Whyyyyyyy" my heart breaks even more for both of them. Life has never been easy for me but it seems the 21st century is even worse to kids.

i need to talk to my boo bear.

LOUIS POV

when i woke up, i wasnt outside, i was at home, i was in my bed. Then I remembered what happened. Harry knew. Harry knows I'm gay. He probably hates me now. Fuck it. fuck me. I get up and slowly open my door. I can hear my mum and Harry talking. I don't stop to listen I go straight to the bathroom.

TW:

I go to the shelf where my dad keeps his razors. For the second time today. I'm one morning. In two hours, is have cut four times. "Good" I tell myself. "I deserve it. I'm a useless fuck up and nobody cares." I remember I didn't lock the door. I don't want my sister's scared for life. I have some decency, even if nobody else thinks so. Actually fuck that I don't. Whatever who the fuck cares. I'm just gonna do this and go back to bed and never see Harry again. I position the blade on my scar from this morning. A fresh scar. Yippee it won't hurt as much. I place the cold blade on my skin. For a second the stupid part of my mind tells me to stop and that Harry doesn't hate me, that mum and dad love me, and what would the girls and Ernest do? I shove that aside. Nobody cares. I'm a fuck up. And everyone knows that. I'm a fag. A stupid idiot. I deserve to die.

I slice my skin. It feels good to have the cold blade dog into my skin. I do it again, and again, and again. All up my arm. Four times. I do the same on.My other arm. I hear someone coming up the stairs and towards the bathroom. I quickly flush the loo, to make it seem like I did a piss, and then quickly grab the razor and rinse it under the tap, no need to pretend I was washing my hands, I already used the tap so that's fine, I carefully dry the razor on the hand towel and quietly place it back on the shelf, I roll my sleeves down and splash water on my face and then dry it. Just in time too as Harry knocks on the door and says "Louis? Are you in there?" I sigh and quietly reply " yeah" I unlock the door and open it. I see Harry there with a worried expression on his face.

I don't know what to do, ignore him and hurt him, and that's the last thing id ever want to do, or go with him and answer awkward questions. In the end I just grab his arm and pull him to my room. I ask him to wait a second outside whilst I do something. By something I mean bandages/strips of fabric on my arms so blood doesn't seep through my hoodie that was originally Harry's. He just nods and waits. I go in and shut the door. Just to be safe I put a chair in front of the door so nobody can get it. I go over to my dresser and grab an old shirt from when I was washing the dishes and got tomato sauce on it. I shred it with my scissors and wrap it up my arm. Same on the other. I then put a long sleeve shirt on and then the hoodie. I then go and out the scissors on my desk and my shirt under my mattress so nobody will find it. Then I go to the door and remove the chair. I then put it back and tell Harry he can come in. He enters with a worried look on his face.

I can tell where this will go.

God save me.