I'm here for you

TW THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS SLURS, HORRIBLE ONES, SELF HARM MENTIONED AND HATE TOWARDS ONE'S SELF, YOU CONTINUE AT YOUR OWN RISK. YOUVE BEEN WARNED!!! 

harry's pov

"louis?" i ask

a few minutes before

as i was still crying in my mum's lap, i head the french window open.

i looked up, it was mark.

"hey big guy" he said

i just gave him a really tiny smile.

"louis wants to speak with you"

i looked up. louis wanted to speak to me

"really?" i asked in a horrible embarresing croaky voice.

"yeah, just its not a pleasent sight."

i sigh and say "yeah i figured"

i got up and gave my mum a hug and went inside.

i went to the kitchen first.

i saw jay just staring into nothing.

"jay?" i ask

she looks up and says "oh hiya harry"

"you okay?" i ask knowing she isnt but its worth asking

"i just dont get why he would do this. like is his life that bad? am i a bad mother?

i stood there not knowing what to say, eventually i say

"jay, listen to me. your not a bad mother. you are amazing. your the best mum anyone could wish for okay? some stuff is hard for louis right now and i know some but i have a feeling he's not telling me everything. he wants to talk to me so i'll go and speak to him, but life's hard for him at the moment okay? you have nothing to do with it. he trusts you but as i said a while ago, some stuff is easier to tell your mates than you parents."

i leave then. i go upstairs and look in louis' room and see he's not there, i look in the bathroom and see him sitting on the edge of the bathtub.

"louis?" i ask

he looks at me.

"you have some explaining to do mate." i say gently.

TW: 

he sighs and nods. "yeah i know" he says quietly.

"where do i start?? being gay?? cutting? hating life? school?" he sighs again.

i decide to give him something to talk about. "how about cutting?" i say.

END OF TW

he looks at me wide eyed and his mouth opens to speak but instead of words coming out, he starts crying again.

i quickly give him a hug and tell him its okay. 

"well" he starts once he stopped crying again. "you know when simon started calling me a faggoty fag? i have always thought it was weird that i ever connected to a girl. but when he called me that, i believed him, i know that you've always been there, but i couldn't tell you, how did i know you wouldn't turn out like salmon?? so once, you know when you had the flu?"

i nodded, that was awful.

TW

"he came to me and punched me in the balls and the eye and called me a faggot." (btw i should say that i hate this word. and any other slurs. theyre horrible and  im only using them to show how horrible this person is.) "i ran home and went straight to this room. i knew where dad keeps his razors. i didn't think. i just cut, and cut and cut. i idid it 5 times harry, 5 on each arm. they weren't deep but they bled. then whenever i came home from school and you weren't here, i cut harry, you were the only thing that made it so i could feel better enough not to. but as soon as you left, i cut. it was unbearable. then it got to the point of stress, when im sad anxious etc the id cut. i cut today when you were downstairs with my mum when i had my shower, i cut when i woke up. im sorry, i really am."

by the time he'd finished, we both have tears in our eyes and falling down our cheeks.

"im sorry louis, i had no idea and that explains why you always either way way too many bracelets or always long sleeved things. even when its 40 degrees outside" i try to make a joke but i fail as neither of us smile.

i lean in to give him a hug.

"i'll never think that of you, i dont care if your trans or not, who cares. what makes you you is whats on the inside."

he smiled. mission accomplished.

END OF TW

louis pov

after i tell harry about it, i feel a lot better, like i know he's there, like i know he's never gunna leave me.

"i love you haz, i dont deserve you." i say

"nah you dont" my eyes widen, he laughs "you deserve the world" he laughs and shrieks "hahahahha your face louis, bhahahah"

"your laugh is worse than niall's harry" i say rolling my eyes but i couldn't help but chuckle and give a small smile.