I'm here for you

christmas part II

louis pov

mum sees me and gives me a small smile and gives me a small nod, as if to ask me if im alright.

i smile back and nod.

she smiles again and then carries on talking to anne.

"you alright?" haz asks me

i nod in return because i still dont fully trust my voice

harry squeezes my hand and we go to the table where all the snacks are.

"harry? can you get me some water please?" i ask as sweetly as i can, giving my boyfriend my bestest puppy eyes i can.

"of course babycakes" harry said kindly, kissing the top of my head as he walked passed me to the sink in the kitchen.

i follow him and stand behind him, with my arms around his waist and rest my chin on his shoulder.

once harry's done filling up the glass, he puts some ice in it, knowing i like my water freezing cold.

"hi," harry says handing me the glass, smiling.

i splosh the water as i grab the glass of him.

"oops" 

harry laughed and detangled himself from me.

"cmon, lets go and talk to gemma, she looks pissed off." harry says, holding my hand as he leads me towards gemma.

                                                LATER THAT NIGHT

harry's pov

once all of our family had left, there's only louis, gemma, my mum and lou's mum left and were all sitting, or in louis' case, lying on the sofa in our living room.

around the room, there's louis' stack of presents he got for his birthday.

shrek is playing in the background and im quietly chatting to gemma about her boyfriend as louis is lying on my chest and with my hand running through his hair.

" haz?" mum asked, causing me to look up at her.

"yeah?" i reply

"can i talk to you for a minute please?" she asks, i can feel louis tense as she says that,

"hey, its okay, ill be back in a minute okay?" i whisper to him, he nods and so i shuffle myself from under him and follow my mum out of the room.

after we go into the kitchen, i lean onto the island in the middle of the room

"sooooo, what do ya want?" i ask.

you see, im not on great terms with mum at the moment because she wants to get back together with dad, and i love him, i mean, i have to, he's my dad, but i dont want mum getting hurt again, like she did so many years ago.

"well, its about your dad." she started

"ive told you before mum, and i wont stop telling you, if he didnt do what he did to you, i wouldnt give two shits about you getting back together, but he did, and i do give two shits, actually fuck that, i give thousands of shits, because your my mum, and your the one who was there for me when he wasnt, you were there for me when life sucked, when i came out to you as gay, you accepted that and it wasnt a problem, you were there for me when i confessed that i hade feeling for my best friend, dad wasnt there for any of that.

im not going to control you and say you cant go out with him, because i cant stop you, but i very strongly dissagree with you. and he better not fuck this up again." i say hotly and storm out of the room.

i then run up the stairs into mine and louis' room and grab my phone off the charger and go onto my notes.

i start typing. i find it easier to type songs than to write them on paper.

In a world that you break your silence
You would know my name
I wanna go where you've been hiding
Ah, ah
What part of me is the fire you started?
Does your mind work the same?
I wonder if you're here, still around
'Cause all of my birthdays, all of my worst days
Every time I mess things up
Would you say anything?
Why have I been here for plenty of your years?
You don't even know that I exist
Would you stay if you met me?
Two hearts with the same blood
Don't know how to reach ya
Can I call you my family if you never had me?
Still lost in the chaos
Don't know where I came from
Can I call you my family if you never had me?

i pause towipe the tears off my phone and from my face and then carry on typing

So is this what you really wanted?
No love and no pain
It's a shame that she had it and thought it out
Wish you would know me, wish you could be sorry
For never being there for us
Would you stay if you met me?
Two hearts with the same blood
Don't know how to reach ya
Can I call you my family if you never had me?
So lost in the chaos
Don't know where I came from
Can I call you my family if you never had me?

i turn my phone off and i then lye down and go to sleep.

im too tired to face reality at this point.

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i dont own this song, its a great one about daddy issues and i reccomend listening to it.