I'm here for you

whats wrong with me???

IF YOU WANNA CRY, WATCH THE VIDEO I WATCHED IT IN MATHS AND I CRIED

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

LOUIS POV

after we had had lunch, the two boys went up to bears room to play with god knows what. both me and hazza as well as liam and niall were in the living room and i was lying on their corner couch with my head on harrys lap, liam was on his phone showing niall something and harry was playing with my hair.

i was almost asleep when niall whispered something to liam and harry must have hear as he stopped playing with my hair and liam looked up from his phone wide eyed.

"you what?" he asked, rather loudly for my liking.

niall then got his phone out and typed something i assume to liam as liam then looked at his phone and laughed and typed something back. i felt tears in my eyes. i hate it when this happenes, because no matter how much i try not to, i have always, since i was maybe 13, thought that when people are whispering, and what also confirms it even more is when they look at me, that theyre taling about me and i hate it. 

i turned on my side and buried my face into harry and cried silently.

harry definatly noticed something was wrong, but didnt make it obvious and just stroked my back and was just there, which was exactly what i needed then.

either someone went out the room or everyone was just being quiet but i felt alone, even though i was literally buried into harry.

i think i fell asleep cus i got really warm and liam, niall and harry were talking quietly.

i felt harry's chest vibrate as he spoke. it filled me with so much comfort, knowing that my hazza was with me and always will be with me.

"i feel so bad for him though, he lost his mum, he was so close to her and i just feel so bad, he already went through so much when he was younger but then life seems to hate him and make everything worse. honestly haz, youve made him so happy, obviously he has his moments when he feels dead, but everyone does but i think youve helped him more than a therepist can. just you being there helps so much"

i hear niall say

i start crying again. i miss mum so much.

"shhh, its alright lou lou, im here, its okay, youll be okay" harry said, rubbing my back again. i move my head so i can see him, his eyes are full of concern and i feel so bad. im causing this, im always causing so much pain to everyone around me, everyone is always happier when im not around.

i cry even harder.

i hear niall whispering to liam and then them getting up, "we'll go and play with the boys okay" liam says leaving the room with niall.

"lou, look at me, " harry said lifting up my head to the same height. "your not causing anyone any pain, nobody is happier when your not around. none of this is your fault. i love you, if i didnt, i wouldnt be married to you, i would have ran off when you told me you were gay, when i found out you hurt yourself, when i found out that your mum died, when you were terrified of having a child, i would have left you, but i didnt because i love you and i need your crazy, energectic, no need for redbull energy, your angel voice, you talent to write songs. i love the way you always try cooking, but miserably fail, i love that you always try, i love the way you play with freddie, dont say i havnt seen you, i have, multiple times,  i love the way your eyes shine when you talk about music, people you love, i love every little part of you. i love that you can still face simon, even though i know how much of a pathetic son of a biscuit he is, i love the way you dance, your go lucky, dare devil personality, the way you sing, the way you take care of everyone you love, and most of all, im proud of you louis,

[TW}

whos the one who doesnt cut, whos the one who actually eats full meals?? whos the one whos yeah, got scars but they are signs of strength, the fact that you didnt end your life, you carried on,

[END OF TW]

whos the one who spent every second with his mum in hospital, whos the one who sung an emotional song at his mums funeral,?

you love football, you love freddie, you love music, you love your family, you love the beach, you love so much stuff,  YOU are the one who overcame depression, i was just there to reasure you, you did all the work, i just told you how well you were doing.

this has all be you boo, you and only you. okay?" harry said. slightly out of breath from his detailed description of me.

i look into his amazing emerald green eyes, i search his face for any hint of a lie, i couldnt see anything.

i sunk into harry's chest.

after maybe 10 minutes, harry suggests we go and wash my face as its stained with dried tears and then go and find the others. i agree, so i  get up of the sofa and make my way towards the bathroom.

once im in the bathroom, i splash some cold water on my face. it feels, really nice and refreshing.

harry comes in and brushes my face with his thumb, "your amazing boo, never forget that okay?" i nod and give him a smile and hug him. i breath in his scent, strawberry shampoo. its so comforting. when i pull away he kisses my cheek and we go into bear's bedroom.

"nooo not like that uncle liam, it goes like this

oompa loompa doompidy doo i gotta bad feelin bout you" freddie sang doing the oompa loompa dance

i laughed. 

 "Yes, this is me, I am happiest with my friends and family, I'm happy, here, with the best friends and family I could ever ask for" I thought smiling to myself.

I think haz noticed as he rubbed my back supportivly.

I love him so much.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sorry, probably no more updates until monday, I have no access to wattpad.

Hope you enjoyed :))

-F xx