In The End

Just one yesterday

I focused on the heavy rise and fall of my chest trying to steady my breathing and count backwards from 10. I'd quickly fell into the too familiar nightmare I'd been having this past week. Each scenario ended the same way. I'd always start somewhere relatively familiar, leaving work, a coffee shop, even walking the lane towards my parents house in one, then suddenly it was like all the colour faded and a dark storm would set in. In the first few dreams I only ever felt a presence around me but the last few nights a hooded figure lurked deep in the shadows of my dreams, just watching me, watching and waiting for something. The panic would then set in as I began to run away from it, I'd always trip or fall, or just not move fast enough as the clouds closed in, and then I'd wake up, sweat dripping from my matted hair and my throat strained from the internal screaming. I silently comforted myself as I sat up on the bed staring at the beam of moonlight streaming through the large panelled window. I must have been asleep a few hours going by the darkness now outside, I flicked on the bedside lamp, although its dull golden glow offered little help. I'd asked Axel about the limited lighting in the room and why it didn't have a TV or clock. I was met with a masterclass on the impact of technology on sleep and how a quiet, calm space, free from distraction and false lights were proven to promote better sleep and long term health benefits. I rubbed at my face and ran my fingers through my hair, remembering that I still had the day's clothes on, and now the days make up smeared across my face. Swinging my legs off the bed and letting them dangle for a moment before dropping to the floor with a thud, I took another peek out of the window before plodding over to the en-suite door.

"I'm so sorry." I gasped as I walked in and Axel was just wrapping the towel around his waist. "I'm sorry!" I repeated again throwing my hand to shield my eyes but not actually leaving.

"Don't sweat it." He smirked. "If I knew you were on your way I'd have hung it out a bit longer."

I felt my eyes roll in response but said nothing as his soft chuckle filled the room.

"I'll get out your way." He grinned, securing the towel into itself.

"Thank you." I whispered as I concentrated on keeping my eyes anywhere but on him.

He moved to the sink and picked up a few items before turning back to face me. "You hungry?"

"Huh?" I finally looked up and was met by the weighty stare of his piercing blue eyes peeking through the strands of thick black hair now hanging over his forehead.

"Are you hungry? It's after 9, and you haven't eaten anything."

"Erm, no I'm fine. I'll grab something after my shower." I mumbled, unable to fight my gaze from drifting down his lean, inked torso and lingering on his prominently defined V shape peeking over the top of his towel.

"Look, I'm about to make a grilled cheese, so I'll do you one too. If you want it come down, if you don't then don't worry about it." He glided out of the bathroom and gently closed the door behind him leaving me to use the space freely.

I turned on the waterfall shower head and the steamed glass instantly returned outlining a distinct Axel sized handprint on the glass panel next to me. I slipped out of my clothes leaving them in a pool on the floor and tossed my hair tie on-top of the pile before stepping in and sighing as the hot water slammed down on me. It was a little hotter than I would usually like it, but this time I felt a small comfort in the sting on my skin as the water hit it. I stood directly underneath the shower head, letting it rain fully over me, washing away my thoughts and tensions. My eyes went back to the handprint and I don't know why, but I placed my hand on it. I caught myself smiling at the size difference, but it soon dropped from my face as I began to contemplate Edens words from earlier. Was she right, was I harbouring some sort of feelings for him? Was I really that oblivious, fuck! Was it obvious to anyone else, was Jackson or Amaya thinking the same thing, shit was Axel? The tension returned to my shoulders and neck and I felt my chest tighten again. I pulled my hand away from the glass and reached across for my shampoo, squirting a large amount into the palm of my hand and rubbing it through my hair a little harder than necessary. The sharp sting of my nails digging into my scalp began to settle me again and I calmed my breathing once more. My eyes stung as the mascara bled into them and ran down my face, I tilted my head up letting the water wash it, along with my next bout of anxiety away. I finished up in the shower and gave some much needed attention to my face, taking the time to properly cleanse, tone and moisturise. After quickly drying my hair and tying it up in a messy bun, I slipped into my new Beauty and the Beast night set and headed down with my rumbling stomach desperate for it's promised grilled cheese toastie.