To Be Together

Insecurities And Love

Mo Ran walks stretching his back, his arms reaching far over his head.

He wants to see his beloved but he should say hello to his aunt. He hasn't hung out with his aunt in a long while. He'll chat with her for a while then go see Wanning. Maybe he should talk to Mengmeng too. He knows his cousin has been trying to go on as many missions as he can. Of course he's being diligent with his own missions. He doesn't want fail his shizun.

"I saw it." A girl whispers way too loud to the other. They must not know how good most cultivators ears are. Or they don't care.

"Again? Should we go see?"

"Of course." The girls says way to excited. Curious Mo Ran decides to follow. Both girls lead him to the medical wing. Walking in they are immediately greeted by a crowd. They join noticing the stiff atmosphere. Those who were here before them seem awkward, stealing glances at each other.

"What happened?" One of the girls asks. Mo Ran glad she did, he is curious too. Hopefully nothing bad considering this is a large crowd.

"We've also heard rumors about Yuheng and Tanlang, so when we saw Yuheng walking here with a tray of food we followed curious." A man says. Mo Ran flinches as he remembers those rumors. He thought they would have disappeared after all this time. Why is Wanning walking a tray of food here? It does add up and Mo Ran hates it.

He knows he shouldn't be affected with this, Wanning likes him, they are together. He knows Wanning hasn't interacted that much with Tanlang. There's no reason to feel like this.

"We heard them shouting at each other. It's gone quiet now." Another says.

"Wanning must be so worried." A girl sigh dreamily.

"Are they trying to hide it?"

"I think they're doing bad at it."

Mo Ran walk out not wanting to hear anymore. He has to remind himself it's just gossip. Who cares what some random cultivators think? He shouldn't get mad.

He decides to go to his aunt and see her. Get his mind off of Wanning. There's nothing to worry about.

There's nothing to worry about. He repeats as a mantra all the way to his aunt finding her potting some plants. She turns to him, seeing who it is. She gives him a smile. He feels better but there's still something in the back of his mind that makes him feel insecure. He knows Wanning feels insecure and he's tried to stop the feeling for him but he never thought he'd feel it too.

It's shocking but as he sits across his aunt as she works he thinks about his insecurities. He knows what he's done in his past life and when he's came back five years ago. He doesn't know what's so good about him. He hasn't shown Wanning what's good about him yet Wanning still died for him. Since he's woke up Mo Ran has tried to to be better. Tried to make up for what he did but there's always something in the back of his mind that screams back making him push himself. Will it ever be enough?

He doesn't know and it's starting to feel like he really, really doesn't deserve having Wanning. He doesn't deserve Wanning first kiss, heart or soft expressions. But who deserves him? Who'd make him happy? He can't think of anyone.

"Yuheng!" Auntie exclaims happily, Mo Ran snaps his attention to the opened door to find Wanning standing in the casual clothes auntie makes him wear. It makes Wanning more feminine and delicate. He went to Tanlang looking like that? With a tray in hand? It's the perfect picture of a worried and caring lover!

"Madam Wang." Wanning nods as he joins them. Auntie turning back to her potted plant. Wanning gives Mo Ran a smile with a nod, greeting him. Mo Ran so lost in thought can only stare. Instantly Wanning knows something is wrong, his eyes narrow, worried but curious.

"Did you talk to Tanlang?" Chuqing wonders. Mo Ran perks at the name.

"Yes. I heard he hasn't been eating so I made sure to get him some food." Wanning says.

"He's gotten to obsessed with the dust." Chuqing shakes her head disapprovingly. "Did he listen?"

Wanning nods but Chuqing is more focus on her plant to notice. "After an argument he agreed." Wanning says.

Mo Ran continues to listen. So Wanning was asked to do this. He didn't choose to do so willingly. He understands why auntie sent shizun for the job. Those two dislike each other but it's more because of personality, when it comes to their jobs they both understand and acknowledge each other.

Tanlang had been shrugging off his duties to work and research the dust. A couple disciples talked to Chuqing. Worried she sent Wanning to talk some sense into him. It worked.

It feels better to know the truth but once that box of insecurities opened he can't close it. What does Wanning even like about him? Why sacrifice a precious life for him? Wanning can do so much better, can he not?

Mo Ran walks into the Red Lotus pavilion, ready to spend the evening with Wanning like he has been. Though he's not sure he can keep a happy facade in front of the other. He will hurt Wanning but not showing up would hurt him even more. He made a promise to himself.

Upon stepping in Mo Ran is hit by a familiar scent. As if in a trance he walks to the kitchen finding his love cooking. His heart tightens at the memory of a bloodied blinded ghost slaving away for a bowl of wontons that would go to an ungrateful disciple.

"Wanning?" He calls low and soft but his voice cracks. With all his doubts clouding his mind he forgot about the things that his little love does to show his heart. To show Mo Ran he is loved. More love than he can imagine.

Wanning jumps in his skin turning with a ready made bowl in hand, the bright red and steam coming out draws Mo Ran's attention to it. Missing the surprise that flashes across the older face. "Mo Ran?" He calls his name, surprised to see him there. He takes a quick look at the bowl in hand then back at the younger man's face. "Are you hungry?" Wanning asks tensely and unsure. The moment bringing the memory of dropped wontons and his beloved bend down to pick them up only to trash them.

Mo Ran nods dumbly, at the confirmation (not a rejection he must have expected for some reason) Wanning gives Mo Ran a soft look. Stepping up he sets the bowl on the table. Mo Ran quickly sits down taking in the sight of the red broth. Memories resurfacing. So many wonderful memories along with so many horrible ones.

Mo Ran vision gets blurry.

He's so loved but he's been horrible.