<10.2.24>
I've already kind of written an entry already, but it was more of a little note to myself that I wrote on my notes app—so I will just copy and paste it right here, and edit it a little.
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>10:22pm
sad and idk why
I think I have abandonment issues- I don't know the reason yet.
Nvm actually, I think it is because of me being a ppl pleaser, which stems from RSD which is rejection sensitive dysphoria...? I have a big fear of being criticised and rejected by people. So— I act and do what I think people want from me.
Therefore— I have abandonment issues bc I don't want to be rejected by others ;)
This also explains why I feel extremely lonely and empty bc I am forcing myself not to act like myself— and now I don't even know what I like and value anymore.
This also explains why I've lost a lot of good friendships too.
And— it explains why I cried so much last night about losing friends again and being lonely—.. again :')
(I had to cry myself to sleep listening to my comfort song I've had for 3 years now)
Apparently, if you need noise in the background while you sleep—like having a fan on or listening to music or what I do, comfort asmr— you probably have abandonment issues, and I didn't believe it, until now :')
Why am I so sad— I don't understand, I have a good life, good parents, a home, friends, money, stability— so what the fk is wrong with me, I don't deserve to feel sad I have nothing to complain over— I wanna bash my head into the wall I really don't like myself
Now I'm just sad, and I know exactly why <10:28
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—Yuna
YOU ARE READING
the Lost & Unfound : my diary
AlteleA book about my search for my 'home' in this world, my cries for help and comfort, seeking for hope/happiness, my vents about absolutely everything... and if you've come across this, hi! My name is Yuna :)
