An Enigma Is Too Much For A Cat To Eat

P.B.

my girl
tall and pink
always by my side
because of you,
no longer am i afraid to walk across poplar
because of me,
our sleeves are never empty.
running to walgreens,
grab the arizona and pay for the gum.
running to sprouts,
grab the sushi, grab the rose,
stuff it all in that infinite tote bag.
running to the liquor store,
pace around until the tito's speaks to you
then leave, unjustly dissatisfied
slam the car door and tell matthew to drive.

but my girl
allegedly lolita,
she's thirty two in the face
and seventeen in her smile
witchhazel is the purple of her eyes
a walk down poplar
audaciously.

the rain should have told us enough
but no
the teenager is an untouchable entity
forever fearless
i knew when the bracelet dropped out of my sleeve
that friday was another thursday.
a walk turned into a run
10 pounds of weight on my back
heels on my feet
into the first store we saw
a glance behind the shoulder
they were coming, alright

my girl
still playing into character when the woman stopped me,
told me theyd seen me on the footage
told me they knew and they were coming.
what happened? my girl says as i give her a single look,
telling her.
they didn't want to search me
perhaps businesses were beyond childish acts like that
no, there was no manager to go snitch to
only the law rung above their heads.
we were women of color
thieves of color
and that law loved the blondes.

my girl,
shaken as me but cool, sedative
we took a sat and i thought about vomiting
purging wouldn't wipe the embarrassment from my wine-stained shirt
and no tears could come to fruition
paranoia screamed at me,
daring to make that woman reappear
but head high,
heels loud,
i strut back out to see her.

destination reached.
those cookies she'd wanted all day were average
too sweet for the blood in our cheeks
somber, painfully,
a walk back down poplar.

my girl
sitting in the red booth of a burger place
i threw the heels off too quickly
walking barefooted, getting boxes and napkins
finally deciding to go back to the school

for a culture event
ethnicity was all around me
my girl had lost her phone—
so i ran, barefooted, through the halls of an empty schoolhouse
nothing phased me now
another can of white claw,
another headaching hangover.
she panicked,
but the phone calmed her back down.

scoping for boys with a girl who is not my girl
pretending she loved me the way my girl does
white boy,
obviously stoned,
but that curly blond hair kept my interest.
i heard through grape wine and the grape vine
that my first ever love
had gotten herself a man.
drinking my dignity
just to dump it down the drain.

all the while
my girl,
bipolar and erect
was still cool. calm.
i left,
wondering what happened to my plan to go home early
and sleep.