Sit in your nana's favorite chair
I, senorita storyteller, have a tale to share.
Did therapy extinguish our defortestation?
Don't you recall?
We were scarier than global warming
We were glaciers on fire
Wet, a sauna left unattended
Many a masochists shrivel up, having killing anything inside them willing
To die... But not I.
I've saved you a slice of golden apple pie,
Frozen in this wishing well
Well, I'm murderous and we're my favorite victim
We could give them an encore
You say "bleed" I say "how much"
I'd film it, exquisitely lush
No, I've been waiting a long, lonely time to
Eclipse.
Honeysuckle, my sweet nectar,
Why are you afraid of me?
You fall limp when you cut me, superficially,
You don't hold my collar like you used to
Maybe I perceived it worse last year, hazy from starvation
But
You've gone soft, marshmallow where your muscle ones was.
My antidepressants make me strong, heavy
I could take it.
Whatever happened to traumaplay?
To hiting me like she did?
To brainwashing?
Hypnosis?
Verbal abuse?
I'm just crying for our rusty depravity
We could never drench ourselves in heroin again
Still I ask
That you chew me up, spit me out, make me eat myself
That you make me belittle myself
That you edge me
— Your generorisuty is taken for granted by a thief as gluttonous as me, and It always has been
Tangle me up in your lustrous voice
Make me beg, please, may I beg for any and everything
I should be asking for permission to speak, to walk, to touch
I should be writing lines at 2 am (3 your time)
I should be licking toilets, kicking rocks.
You could blackmail me
[ consensually ]
Say you'll email everyone I love
And I know you never will
But you could plant a million ideas in me
Of how you could kill me
Knives & guns & chainsaws
Teeth & scissors
Chemicals
Drugs
You haven't called me Cadaver in a while
Nor Helen.
I am tame, medicated
But do you remember when we were fucking hurricanes?
We burned trees to rose incense
Psychotic we,
Manicial we,
What's a little more delusion
To you and to me?
I'd do it for the orgasm
I'm an addict
For you.
But oh
Sinsister, do you feel you've sinned when you call me princess?
I'm your daughter, indecisive and sliced like deli meat
I'm 11, possessive palindrome too young & clueless
No hair between my legs
I love it when you teach me what's right and what's wrong
I love you telling me I'm too small
I love that fatherly encouragement you give me when I finish,
Your praise once the vibrator turns off.
It's the only thing that drives me to ride up that hill sometimes
(my wrist is weaker than my will)
You could do it
You could crush into me again
And I'll safeword if It's too real
And you'll stop, guiltless, please
I know I shouldn't
But I want tohurt again
For you
And for me.
YOU ARE READING
An Enigma Is Too Much For A Cat To Eat
Poetrypoetry from the raw heart of a teenage girl. I wrote this poetry collection throughout my junior year of high school, when so much change was underneath the sun's aura. In and out of depression, in and out of the psych ward, I survived the first ha...
