a day and a half had dragged by since gus and i fought. i realized that over the last thirty six hours only one thing has been on my mind and it's him.
it was easy for me to try and blame him for being in the wrong, but we had both made mistakes and said nasty things to each other.
in the months i've known gus i could really feel myself growing as a person. it was my turn to grow up and go fix this.
kalani
i'm coming over
he didn't respond but i left towards his place anyways. he did fuck up harder, so really he should be thankful i'm coming around.
kalani
i'm almost here
i don't really know why he was ignoring me. i know i walked out but he was the one asking me to stay before.
i arrived, knocking on his door a few times. "come in" he called from the other side.
"did you get my texts?" i asked him, "yeah" he said. "oh, you didn't answer" i said.
"i know. you're still here" he said, "is that a problem?" i asked. "no, just saying" he responded. "what's your problem with me?" i asked, "i'd ask you the same" he said.
"i'm sorry for how i acted the other day" i told him, "it's fine" he said.
"seriously, what's your problem?" i asked him, "nothing, just thinking about some things" he said
"what kind of things?" i asked.
"maybe we should have some time apart" he suggested "gus what are you talking about?" i asked, completely confused.
"i don't want things to be ruined between us, i think we're both angry at each other. i do want things to be okay, there's just a lot to unpack" he said
"we can make things okay that's why i came over, i'm sorry gus it's okay i want to be good with you" i told him.
i didn't really get where he was coming from.
"i know i was being a bit of a hypocrite and i'm sorry it's okay i forgive you i'm sorry for saying terrible things to you" i became panicked, waiting for his forgiveness even though really he should also be apologizing to me
"everything's fine. i think we just need some time. we both have a lot of feelings towards each other" he said.
"i know gus and that's why i'm confused. that's why i came here. i have feelings for you and it's been really hard to come to i had sheltered myself so much and i never expected this to be the way i felt about you but i do and you make me really happy" i babbled on.
"is that really how you feel?" he asked "yes" i said.
"oh" he seemed surprised, "oh, what?" i asked. "i don't know. i guess i just thought you didn't think that much of me" he shrugged.
"why wouldn't i?" i asked, "i don't know. you just don't seem to hold us to the same standards" he answered.
"i really don't know what you mean by all of this gus. whatever we need to do to be okay i'll do it" i told him. "then gust give me a few days, please" he asked again.
"fine" i huffed, i was angry. why was he doing this?
"my point" he said. "are you fucking high what are you talking about?" i asked. he was speaking in riddles basically.
"exactly. i think you still have some work to do on yourself, doing what's best for us" he said.
"holy shit what kind of jedi monk higher power shit are you on right now?" i asked. i'd never seen him act so strange.
"what happened to us? i'm sorry gus" i begged.
"there was no us, we were only friends" he said.
"i know okay. i really like you gus and i want more" i tried my hardest to convey how serious i was.
he still couldn't give me a straight answer, still just talking in circles. he had to be on something.
"fuck this" i said, "call me when we can just talk fucking normally" i said, storming out once again.
